BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET A 6-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market crashes.
BROKER – What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.
Reprinted from Creative Leisure News Online Publication