At The Dance…
To the guy at the dance that I saw that looked like this…
Well he had "dolled" himself up for the night out by putting the back of the mullet in a ponytail.
DUDE!!! Do you hear The Bangles playing?
Is Regan president?
Do you have a pager?
Guess what? It's not the 80's anymore.
Every woman just marked a big X by your name.
No, they're not choosing you, they're crossing you off.
Lose the mullet and gain a girlfriend.
This is my impression of a ponytail mullet…you like?
To the very old man that insisted on dancing with me in a close-to-the-body-groin-touching-freaky-deaky-creepy-waltz while everyone else was dancing to techno music…TECHNO music!
It's not right. How on earth can you justify dancing a creepy-close-hold waltz to techno music?
Say it like it is…you're just creepin'.
And yes when someone tells you that they think it's awkward and weird and they don't like to dance like that then maybe…just maybe get the hint. Instead of making the person come straight out and say to your face, "I really don't like this. It is making me uncomfortable. It is just plain weird. It's distasteful."
Don't bother sounding hurt either by saying, "Is it really that bad?" If you had to ask the question, it most definitely is.
To the guy that sat down by my girlfriend and his opening line was, "What do you do for a living?"
Maybe, just maybe try a different opening line.
Something fresh and original, like, "Hi, my name is David/John/Bob…can I sit down?"
To the older women that have great rockin' bodies that really like to show them off.
You've still got it.
I get it.
But even if I saw a 21 year old wearing that same outfit you're sporting I'd think it was scandalous.
Miley Cyrus would be blushing. And she just wears a foam finger and wrecking ball.
Just before you leave the house if you can feel a breeze on your nipples or crotch you may want to put on some more clothes.
To the younger guy that told me I was the cutest one there, was "cute as a button" and it was normal that I was already married because I was so beautiful.
I like you.
You were sweet, if somewhat drunk, you complimented me and when I told you I was married you politely left me alone.
To the man that was dressed as a woman. You GO girl! You were dressed well and your make-up was perfect. It did kind of freak out some people in the bathroom with your deep voice though.
To all the super old dudes that only want to ask the youngest women at the dance to dance and ignore all of the other wonderful women closer to their own age…
If you were serious about meeting someone to have a relationship with or even hook-up with at that dance you would ask someone closer to your own age.
Younger women will dance with you because they like dancing and don't want to be impolite, but they are not remotely interested in you.
You remind them of their Dads and some cases their Grandfathers.
To the old guy that tried his hardest to keep up with me on the dance floor.
Yay for you!
You were even doing the rave/pogo-jumps and wild arm movements.
I have to admit though, there were more than a few scary moments that I seriously thought you might have a heart attack.
If you have never done aerobic exercise in your life and are pregnant with a 25 lb beer belly you might want to take it down a notch.
And just for the record I don't know CPR.
Now tell me something you've wanted to say to someone but didn't.
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