My husband and I have been married for 27 years.
Two years ago he took a job in Hong Kong. During those two years he lived overseas. We saw each other about six or seven times in two years.
What I Learned Having A Long Distance Marriage For The Past Two Years
FaceTime makes long distance relationships easier.
Honestly, without it, I don’t think I would have survived. We started out speaking twice a day, morning and night, but after the first year it went down to once a day for about ninety minutes.
When push comes to shove I can do things I dislike.
That includes dealing with the huge millipedes that live in our basement. UGH! I HATE those things!
Having good neighbours is a blessing.
We’ve known this for a long time but it was extra important when I needed a bit of expertise to repair a vent on the outside of the house or shovel the driveway in winter.
Living alone can be scary.
Not just for the sounds that go bump in the night, but for when you trip on your vacuum cleaner and fall down the stairs. There is no one there to help you up or call an ambulance if needed.
I also had a choking scare. I’ve heard of far too many people choking and dying on their own.
You may think I sound like an anxious person but neither of these things worried me until after I’d experienced them while living alone.
Life is better shared.
Experiences alone are not the same as experiences shared.
I’m an independent person and have travelled on my own and lived alone however I much prefer having a partner. (Even if that means I need extra heavy duty ear plugs for sleeping.)
Time Cannot Be Bought
I’m no longer 22, I’m 52 and I see time passing more quickly with each passing year. I feel pressure to make good use of our health and abilities when we’re still able. This is the time to do it…if not now, when?
Two Years Is Enough
When the decision was made for Robert to move overseas we gave ourselves a time limit of two years. We are exactly at the two year point. Beyond that length of time and we felt we’d risk becoming too accustomed to our separate lives. Relationship connections require effort and physical presence otherwise their value diminishes.
Do you think you could handle a long distance marriage?
Linking up with Patti for Visible Monday, Turning Heads Tuesday and Fancy Friday
Yay! Happy Homecoming to Robert! I know you’re both so glad to be back in the same town, under the same roof. And I totally agree–life is so much more fun when shared.
Hugs to you both and Zoe!
– Sherry
Thanks Sherry!
First comment is, what a gorgeous-looking husband! Second is, no I doubt very much that I could handle a long distance marriage and I congratulate you both on having done so. I felt so sad for you when I read living alone can be scary. I would be a real scary-cat on my own. Bad enough that we have just recently been burgled. Wishing you a long and happy marriage with you both in the same place!
That is terrible that you were burgled. You must feel violated.
Thanks for your kind wishes.
I don’t know how you did it, Suzanne. I’m not sure I’d be very happy with this situation, although at least you guys made the decision together. Of course this is only true when you have a wonderful relationship. Heck, when I was married to my ex, this would have been heaven…LOL!!
OXOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
You’re not the first person that mentioned that about their X’s.
Bravo to you both, for making each other a priority. The happiness in your faces shows how much you love to be together. And Hooray for Robert coming home, and hooray for you taking such good care of everything, including the millipedes (blech). Happy reunion!! xox
I have a severe aversion millipedes. Glad to know I’m not the only one that dislikes their crazy legs.
Bravo… You did it! Life is better shared but absence makes the heart grow fonder. . . and I would try a long distance romance any day. Enjoy every minute. . .
http://www.madamtoomuch.com
I used to believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I can also see that, “out of sight, out of mind” also comes into play, maybe more so that we are older.
I’m so happy for you both!
This is the kind of situation that inspires reevaluation of your relationship, your values, your life goals and the very core of your being. Knowing that two years is as much as you can sacrifice of the day to day intimacy of marriage didn’t necessarily mean you could achieve long term separation. You are brave and determined souls. I hope your reunion is spectacular!
Thanks Jude : )
you must be over the moon!!
my hubs worked 4 train hours away for 5 years, we saw us only on very short weekends. for 3 years i was ok with it – but the last 1,5 years were very hard – almost unbearable. and it took a while for both of us to live together again……
@accidents while being alone: me too. i went extra careful over the years – because no neighbors at all here out in the woods!
xxxx
Living alone as you did, far away in the woods from everyone would make me very nervous.
For a while my husband also lived 5 hours away by bus and came home only on the weekends. I did find it easier than him being on the other side of the world but it didn’t last five years. I think that would be very difficult.
Thanks for sharing. Interesting and insightful stuff. Lise
well, I totally agree on everything and particularly on ‘life is better shared’ and ‘living alone can be scary’. I’m still very careful about bathtubs and all that stuff!!
Nowadays, I’m alone only for few days, when Mr.A. is out for work, but we had to manage a long distance relationship several times, last time it was for a whole year. So we appreciate being together a lot!, we really appreciate all the little things that many couples take for granted!
Glad to see your beautiful smiles! and happy for you both!
besos
I’ve known a few people that have fallen in bathtubs which is super scary so I understand your concern.
I agree that it is the little things that are so important.
So glad your gorgeous husband is coming home to keep you company permanently!
With my ex husband; yes, I could have survived a long distance marriage – and hoped he wouldn’t come back! Not with my current partner of 20 years though!
You’re so right make the most of the time you have while you’re still fit, healthy and mobile.
It’s great to hear from you again btw…
xxxx
I’ve been here all along Vronni ; P .
You make such a gorgeous couple! My husband is a yacht captain, so is away quite a bit. We’ve been together almost 20 years and I’m getting pretty tired of it. Though I do love being alone and have a great social network, there are so many events and travel opportunities we miss out on because of his job. You are right. Time goes by so quickly as you get older. We’re both starting to feel the urgency of completing our bucket list. As far as choking on food when alone, I never really thought of that before. But that is certainly a scary possibility. Now I realize I should learn how to do the Heimlich maneuver on myself!
Theresa
That is very interesting that your husband is a yacht captain and you’ve managed for 20 years with his long absences. I think it makes a big difference if you have a strong social network. None of my friends or family live anywhere near where I live. I have to take a plane 5 hours away.
I’m sorry if I made you worry about choking. You can learn to do the Heimlich maneuver on yourself with a chair to ease your mind.
We can hear your feelings about this arrangement not only in your words but your tone. You say it all.
I lived apart from Maura for the first seven years of our relationship due to us both being in different places as we finished up our education. It was rough. We spent a lot of time on Amtrak. This was a good subject for a post.
That is especially tough at the beginning of a relationship. When I met Robert in France I had to return home as my sister had a car accident and my parents wanted me home to help with the businesses, so I had to leave. When I told Robert this and we’d only known each other for a few months he wasn’t okay with it. That is why he came to Canada. Otherwise we had no intention of returning to Canada. Funny how things work out.
After he was in Canada for a couple of months he had to return to France to finish his Master’s in Law for three months. That was very difficult as there were no computers and only very expensive telephone bills.
I know I never could do that! I assume he is now coming home? I’ve said this before, but your husband it’s very charismatic. Of course his wife is too! 😀
Yes, he is home now : )
I have total admiration for the two of you and how you made it through the last two years. I know I wouldn’t want to do this, but if it came to it, I’m pretty certain I could manage for a two year period (I definitely wouldn’t want it, but I could be strong like you). I love how the two of you set a time limit and stuck to it. I also love how you value one another and recognize that time together is way too precious to pass by.
Now, on a another note, I remember sitting across the table from the two of you discussing the move, so where on earth did those two years go??? Apparently it’s time the four of us get together again.
So happy for the two of you.
Trina did you know the last time we saw each other was three years ago? Yep. Time is flying by.
I agree we need to see each other again. When are you flying out here? ; P
Hooray! I’m thrilled for you and Zoe that Robert’s home. Even with all that new fangled technology those two years must have felt interminable.
You can see the love between you in those photos.
Goodness me, I like to think I’m independent(I lived alone for years before we decided to move in together) but I’m a gibbering mess if I see a spider! When Jon used to work away I’d abandon entire rooms if I saw one! xxx
Glad I’m not the only one with some phobias.
I still remember when you wrote about the one coming out of your hair. That is straight out of my worst nightmare. I don’t know if I’d recover from that experience!
How great that he’s back home! And you only saw him 6-7 times in two years! That must have been awful…
I have a long-distance marriage, and it works quite well. But my husband is not on the other side of the world (just the other side of Europe, a plane trip away), and we see each other every weekend. We’ve been doing this for over 20 years, and have only spent about 5-6 weekends apart in all that time (Yes, I know, can’t even think of my or hubby’s carbon footprint, not to mention the fortune we must have spent on plane tickets…), so it works for us. For now, anyway. Of course, we plan to live in one place / country eventually (when we retire). Then we’ll probably drive each other crazy..
Ha! Yes, I’m sure after many years of living together only on the weekends the full time thing might be a bit of a challenge.
We had a period when Robert lived in Montreal and I lived in Toronto and he commuted back on the weekends. It was okay but I don’t think either of us would care for it long term. That’s a lot of travelling time over a lifetime.
WHEW! Glad that two years is over. You guys clearly put in the effort and now you have a homecoming. FaceTime, what a great thing!! – compared to the old way with phones and big bills. I hope you both have a chance to enjoy the autumn and the changing leaves, with lots of hikes and dog walks. And lovely meals together again. I’m happy for you both, Suzanne.
You just described everything we have planned : )
You must be so relieved those two years are over. I am so happy for you, Suzanne! I’m quite sure it wouldn’t be for me to be apart from my husband for so long, and I’m sure it’s the same for him. While I can happily spend time on my own (within reason), he sometimes feels a bit lost when I’m at work (Jos is retired), especially on Monday after a great weekend, or immediately after a holiday. We’ve got a lot of common interests, so are spending quite a lot of time together. Just seeing each other a couple of times a year sounds like a nightmare to me. Kudos to you for holding it together for so long! xxx
I’m sure Jos does miss you more when you are at work and he is home. I’m lucky that I have my Etsy store to keep me so occupied, otherwise I think it would have been much more difficult.
I couldn’t do it, I think but you never know until you have to.
Greetje
I agree. I now say that about almost everything after I got sick. I never thought I’d get through that and I did. It’s when you don’t have a choice that you can step up.
I’m glad to see the two of you are back in the same city together again. That must have felt like such a long two years, but in the end, you survived. Now that the weather is getting chilly, you will have your husband to snuggle with as well as Zoe. Was Zoe happy to see Robert back home again?
I don’t know if I could do a long distance relationship for that length of time. I think the day-to-day intimacies are what keeps a relationship going, so without those, it’s a tough go.
Zoë was SO excited to see Robert! She knows he is a weak link when it comes to treats.
Yes, with the chilly weather it is perfect timing.
I agree that the day-to-day intimacies are very important in keeping a relationship vibrant. Even more so as we grow older I find.
I so admire your emotional strength and staying power to keep your marriage together for such a long period. Well done for coping as you did. This must have been a hard decision to make and I’m sure at times you’ll have wondered why you agreed to it, but I bet your relationship has grown in ways that other marriages haven’t. I love that saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” but heck, those close shaves when you might have died alone are a bit close to the bone aren’t they? Personally I love my little jaunts away to the mainland on my own, but mostly because they make me appreciate my hubby all the more when I return. Robert’s homecoming must have been an awesome affair…
Huge congratulations to you both for surviving your self imposed exile!
Anna x
I know I am sometimes down on social media, but in this case, Face Time was so worth it for you. I have alot of respect that you could do this, a s I am not sure I would do as well. Congrats to your hubby coming home!
I loved the things you learned too and time does fly by!
thanks for linking!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
I feel for you. This would be most difficult for me and I would think, for many people. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to fall down a flight of stairs all by yourself.
Having good neighbors is a wonderful thing in any event. I can imagine how you could possibly find more self-confidence in this process though.
Beautiful photos. You and hubby are a lovely couple!
❤️❤️❤️ Elle
https://theellediaries.com/
I’m glad that you are reunited!!! I’m sure that FaceTime was a relationship-saver, especially in your case, where you could not easily travel to each other.
My husband and I are separated about 4 months per year, since more than 9 years now. Our ‘schedule’ is very doable. When we are not together, we FaceTime every day. But just for about 15 minutes. You guys really talked a lot!!! Well done!