What kind of things do you hold onto for too long?
Learning To Let Go Of Things That No Longer Serve Me
Objects
It could be physical objects with memories attached, that old pair of jeans two sizes too small taunting you from the back of your closet or the dress you wore when you turned sixteen. (Guilty as charged on the dress!)
I find myself unwilling to let go of the dress I wore to my high school graduation when I’d just turned sixteen. Even though I know I won’t lose the memories of that day without the dress some part of me wants a physical reminder of the person I was at sixteen.
Emotions
Some people hold onto emotions such as anger, fear or worry. These type of emotions weigh us down and make it hard to get out of bed in the morning.
Learning to let go of my fear of hospitals after my botched surgery has taken a long time but I feel that I’ve made some progress. Circumstances this year meant I’ve spent lots of time in hospitals, both as the patient and as the support. It was horribly stressful but it helped me reevaluate my fear.
Relationships
What about relationships? Do you find yourself unwilling to move forward, scared to let go of the past?
When my best friend of twenty-three years decided to ghost me it taught me a couple valuable lessons, ultimately we don’t know anyone but ourselves and it’s a good idea to have more than one friend. I’m so grateful this experience forced me to open myself up, allowing new people to enter my life.
Social Media
What about all of those “friends” on social media you follow? Are they helping you in any way? Or are they simply making you doubt yourself and question your life choices?
I decided to let go of Facebook and Twitter a long time ago. I’ve kept my accounts as I’m able to post automatically to them when I have a new blog post however I stopped visiting and commenting. Honestly, it was a relief and I don’t miss it at all.
Sadly Instagram picked up where Facebook and Twitter left off. I’ve discovered that if I spend too much time on Instagram I feel bad about myself and my life. I’ve chosen to limit the time I interact on social media and ensure that I follow accounts that are positive and make me happy. My favourite account right now is Brussels Sprout but there are quite a few dog accounts I follow which never make me feel inadequate.
Learning to let go of things that no longer serve me or my life is an ever evolving process but I’m committed to improving my life, not cluttering it.
How about you?
Do you hold onto things for too long?
If so, what are you holding onto?
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow Canadians!
“Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.”
―
Linking up with Visible Monday
, Turning Heads Tuesday, Fancy Friday, and Spy Girl
Great post Suzanne. This is a hard one for me too. Evidenced by my numerous collections. Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Your collections are legendary Judith!
Yes and no. My mother held onto (hoarded is really the word) stuff, to which she assigned emotions usually reserved for actual people. When she and my dad had to move out of their house, I tried to help her winnow out, but she treated every relinquishment like breaking up with a BFF. I don’t go that far but I do have my kid’s baby teeth, my diary from when I was in grade school, a designer evening dress I no longer fit in nor have events to wear it to.
OTOH, I have other things, clothes mostly, that I end up not wearing, mostly because they’re too dressy for this vacation community, and I hang onto them in hopes of one day again being able to have a reason to dress like a professional. That is more psychological than the baby teeth.
Letting go of people is harder, especially when you want to know WHY. I also got ghosted by someone once very close and it hurt. Sometimes you can let go of that only when the hole it caused is filled by something else.
You’ve given me much to think about here. Thank you!
That is so interesting about your mother and possibly why you are determined not to follow in her footsteps. I’ve read that for hoarders getting rid of items is very emotional and difficult. I believe it is now quantified as a type of illness.
Great post!. Learning to let go of things, people, feelings, it is actually hard.
But it’s also therapeutic to get rid of things. I had to do it at my parent’s home, and I throw away a ton of old postcards, clothes, books. Whereas putting stuff in donation bags, I felt more free, like if I was not carrying these things’ weight on my shoulders anymore. A really good feeling!
I do love to keep some objects which have good memories attached, but the fewer the better (at least I try it!)
besos
I agree that it can be very freeing!
Wonderful post, Suzanne, it gets one to thinking about what’s important. I have little trouble letting go of things, but letting go of negative emotions is more challenging. A dose of Brussells Sprout is always helpful.
That’s your high school dress? Holy moly, you look fantastic in it and no wonder you keep it! Love the flowy jumpsuit too, so zen. Have a wonderful day north of the border, xox.
Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com
Yes, that was my high school graduation dress : )
Well said. I hesitate to let go of things but when I do I always wonder why I didn’t make the change earlier.
I think we all worry that we will regret our decisions and that is what holds us back.
Ha, I misread and thought that the dog accounts also make you feel inadequate. Phew! O always piles up the cut animal clips he has found and shares them with me at the end of the day – such an awesome cleanse!
It’s hard for me to let go. The thing that doesn’t spark joy today may spark it tomorrow, but I know, living with a limited day-to-day working closet, that it’s not so difficult to stretch these out over time and still feel good. It’s an ongoing battle and each time I win a little more peace of mind.
So thankful to have you in my life. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hahahaha! Boy I’d really have weird self esteem issues if dog accounts made me feel inadequate ; P
I understand your hesitation. I’ve also regretted getting rid of items.
Thanks for being in my life!
Great question and interesting anecdotes. We can learn from painful experiences but should also let them go so they don’t continue to hurt us. Learn, toss; learn, toss.
Science tells us that human brains work by making associations so when we have a bad experience, we associate it with random things like where it happened or what we were wearing. Then we get reminded on the pain when going to the place or seeing the garment. One therapy tries to break associations so we don’t continue to feel bad.
I’m a Scorpio so “letting go” is hard for me. I naturally hold grudges and have trouble forgetting slights. But I try ’cause I know prolonging bad memories isn’t good for me.
I love the idea of learn, toss! It sounds so easy right?
I started doing that a long long time ago! Letting go of my mother was the beginning. She was a cold selfish woman….. I know it sounds harsh, but it isn’t. But I think you meant more material things ha ha.
I meant everything Nancy so your mother is certainly included. That must have been tough for you.
It’s the advantage of being older, I think, that allows us to realize we can let go. And it’s better for us.
I do think that social media can be a good or bad thing depending how we use it. I’m trying to work more on the connections with the women on the platform. I have found some wonderful friends and even help decorating our new home this way!! Who knew??
XOXO
Jodie
I agree that with age I’ve grown more accustomed to letting go and you are right, it is better for us. Moving forward without baggage is freeing.
A fantastic read, Suzanne.
That dress still fits you really well. I’ve parted with many clothes that hold good memories but the joy of doing what we do is that we’re able to pass on the stories behind those once precious pieces to their next guardian so our wardrobes are never cluttered?
With regards to your health and hospital issues and the irrational behaviour of your friend, what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
Social Media is a struggle. As I don’t own a Smartphone I only have access to it at home and fall behind with it really quickly. I try to only follow people who inspire me and have a cull every now and then.
My Mum suffered with mental health issues and, like her Mum – my Grandma – they were both hoarders. By the time I’d reached my mid-teens we could no longer have visitors as she was too ashamed for anyone to see how we lived. As a consequence I’m terrified of accumulating too much stuff hence the reasoning behind my one in, at least three out rule.
I always tell myself that I have memories of my family and don’t need to keep more than a few mementos. After Dad died I had a huge bonfire, burnt 100 years of family photographs & greetings cards and felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Happy Thanksgiving! xxx
Hey Suzanne,
It gets harder when your partner likes to hold on to stuff and yells: ‘ do u know how much that cost’?? At every attempt to throw things out:)
As for Instagram, I regularly uninstall it and reopen it when I need to find something in particular.
Great read as always, th u !!
I love ur sofa!!
Midnight popcorn
Hahahaha! Oh yeah. Been there. Done that.
I find it very interesting that both your Mom and Grandma were hoarders. I’m glad you’ve managed to break the cycle. It would be challenging to live in that environment as a child.
My youngest sister suffers from mental illness and also hoards. She really struggles.
I agree that since I began my Etsy store I’m way more willing to let great pieces slip through my hands and into another vintage lover’s closet.
Wonderful post, Suzanne! I am utterly hopeless at letting things go, whether they are objects or emotions. I am learning, but it’s a very slow process: not even baby steps, especially where emotional baggage is concerned. Not sure if I’ll ever be able to. On another note, I take it that this is your actual high school dress that you’re wearing? If it is, I am in awe: you look fantastic in it. I don’t have anything at all from my high school days. Apart from a couple of friends, that is. One of my current best friends is someone I was at high school with. We lost touch, and then 30 years later found each other again … via Facebook! xxx
That is too bad about the emotional baggage. I find that weighs us down the most.
Yes that is my original high school graduation dress however I will point out that it has a forgiving elastic waistband! Also when I took this photo about 4 years ago I weighed less than I do now.
Pretty cool story about finding your best friend from high school via FB again.
you still fit in the dress that you wore with 16?? wow.
me no chance. i was so very skinny.
i do not hold onto things at all. learned very early to not hang my hart on stuff. and needed a “little bit” longer to learn that some people should be left alone – better earlier than late……
love the jumpsuit – gorgeous boho look!
xxxx
The dress has an elastic waist : )
I always feel better when I have filled a bag with donations for the charity shop. I have too many clothes and I do sometimes feel guilty about this; but on the other hand almost all my clothes were bought secondhand from charities and I have contributed needed funds to them. Plus I love getting up dressed and showing my creativity through the way I dress.
Good for you letting go of stuff that no longer serves you; you must inspire a lot of people!
Isn’t it interesting that we literally feel better letting go of things and yet we still are obsessed with accumulating them? It’s a cycle. I’m the same.
Vronni I think that you do a great job of showing people how they can have complete wardrobes purchased entirely secondhand. People don’t realize all of the treasures hiding in the thrift stores. Your blog promotes environmental friendly practises.
Fantastic post! You always keep it real. I have been asking myself these questions since last week, when the closet rods had to get some reinforcement. Past relationships were very easy to get over, but stuff in my closet seem to be a little hard. Enjoy October. . .
LOL on the closet rod!
I have a little section of clothing memorabilia from me and my boys which I have allowed myself. However I have no problem moving clothes on, unless I made it. But as teach my maximalist boys, we release it to allow someone else the joy of owning it. That seems to help.
I imagine revisiting the hospital must have taken a lot of brain work. Congratulations.
Recently I’ve found myself rethinking the dentist, and thanking them for being so careful and painstaking with my teeth, instead of annoyed at all the work they require. It makes a huge difference!
I too have let go of social media and even blogging for the moment. But I do enjoy popping in to your insightful posts for some beauty mixed with sanity.
I am currently packing and purging for a big move, so that is ramping all of this into high gear!
Love the jumpsuit!
xo Jazzy Jack
I agree that knowing someone else will enjoy the item makes it easier for me as well.
I would have never tackled my fear of hospitals if I wasn’t forced. Not having the choice is pretty powerful.
I need to try out your suggestion on the dentist. I’m going tomorrow and it is something I hate almost as much as hospitals.
I noticed you haven’t been around as much. Moving is very stressful and sucks up time. I’m wishing you a calm and stress free move.
Happy Thanksgiving to you! Love that jumpsuit, great floral pattern! My Dad seemed to let go of everything and we had memories of growing up in our attic. It still bugs me, as I will say to my mom.. “remember that such and such I drew in middle school… story I wrote, albums dad tossed!…” My Dad let go of much. I have let go of negative feelings toward people, as holding a grudge only hurts the person holding the feelings in. I have let go of clothing that I wasn’t wearing or wasn’t fond of and donated to charity. It is freeing , letting go. Emotionally so.
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
This sounds like my Dad! He is the same way. I have nothing from when I was a kid. I now wish I had more insight into myself as a kid.
Actually, I don’t think I do. I don’t think I hold on to things too long. Perhaps a bit too long to clothes and shoes but not even that. I had a look at Brussels Sprout.. funny. You and Anja share the love of doggie IG accounts. The dress you showed at the top… is that your dress from when you were 16? If so, amazing that it still fits you. Or is it a dress you found recently? In any case it is a lovely one.
Greetje
This is the original dress I wore to my high school graduation when I was 16. It has an elastic waist : ) …that’s how I can still fit into it!
Funny story though, I found the exact same dress again recently while thrifting in a slightly larger size. It didn’t really surprise me because it is such a classic cut. The back is very low and rounded with ruffles. Shame I didn’t get a photo of the back.
I can’t believe you still can wear the dress you wore when you were 16! And it looks beautiful on you, so why not? I do tend to hang onto things. I enjoy the feeling of getting rid of things but then I usually (even with things I haven’t worn for years) find myself wishing I had it to wear with something AFTER I’ve given it away :/ That jumpsuit is gorgeous – I just love your style. I agree with you on social media, though in our chosen “field”, we really have to use it. You do have to have pretty thick skin to survive it, though.
Ruth
VogueFauxReal
The only reason I can still wear the dress is because it has a forgiving elastic waist : )
I’m like you sometimes I really regret getting rid of pieces. Like that pair of blue suede fringe cowboy boots I had in grade 10. Why on earth did I get rid of those?
Thanks for popping by Ruth.
Very thought provoking Suzanne! I had this issue recently, when I came across the first dress that my husband ever bought me, 12 years ago. Since then my style and body has changed, and now it is far too short for me to consider wearing again. But I felt really torn about the prospect of getting rid of it. Interim solution has been to put it in the attic, so that I can face that decision another day! xx
I think that is a brilliant solution for the time being. I really find that I need to be in the correct mindset to be willing to part with certain items.
This is a constant journey, isn’t it? Just when I think I’ve gotten good at letting go of things that no longer serve me, I’m asked to consider letting go of more, of things that still mean something to me. Intellectually I know that in letting go I will be okay and will find life and memories without whatever it is, but in the moment, contemplating the loss, it can feel really really hard.
Sending hugs your way and gratitude as well for sharing such a thought-provoking post.
Hugs,
Sherry
I do think it’s natural that we all tend to resist change, it’s scary. Fear is a powerful motivator in our lives.
Thinking about things in terms of years sometimes helps me, both for physical and emotional baggage. In a few years from now I won’t even remember why I was so upset, sad or angry.
I waver between going through times where I want to get rid of all the clutter, and then times where I want to save everything “just in case”. Most of the time it’s a war between the two sides 🙂 But I’m getting better at knowing my personal style, and I have been more strict in recent years about not bringing in new things that I am not 100% in love with!
I think being 100% in love is key. So often in the past I was willing to just have something that wasn’t quite right because I thought it was the best I could do.
I’m in the process of editing in every category you mentioned…
I’m getting much better at letting emotional things go, but letting go of physical things is a work in progress. I often think that I had better no die any time soon as I have to get my wardrobe pared down, as well as all the weird stuff that has filled my apartment.
“NOT” die, not “no” die…..jeez