I've noticed this week that I'm stuck.
I have a very long list of things I want to do, projects I want to start but I can't seem to actually begin any of them.
It seems that every time my husband travels for work I think I'm going to finally tackle some projects on my own. You know, the annoying ones that you don't really want to do, but know that you should.
Then he leaves and I start to analyze those projects.
They start to feel complicated and cumbersome.
I start to doubt that I can do a good job, or finish the projects once I start them.
It becomes overwhelming.
The fear of failing or not completing the project paralyzes me.
How do I move past the feeling of self doubt?
Challenging myself has become more difficult as I age.
Before I didn't think about falling.
I just jumped.
Now I can stand for hours looking over the edge. Thinking about all the things that can go wrong.
I've got loads of great creative ideas, but no longer the energy to carry them through.
In my head I defeat myself before I begin.
Is it the wisdom acquired through aging that tells me this will inevitably be harder than I think? More frustrating that I want? More time consuming that I'm prepared for?
One of these "projects" is to re-tile our fireplace.
I ripped the tiles down (well they all rained down on me in one big heavy loud heap damaging part of our hardwood floor) the other night when I decided I'd finally had enough of them.
Now I know where the saying, "heavy as a ton of bricks" comes from.
Part of the brick tiles had fallen off earlier this year on their own and there was a large rectangle exposing the wall beneath taunting me every time I went into the kitchen/family room.
I grew to despise that white rectangle.
It symbolized all of our house maintenance that had been adding up over the 7-8 years basically giving me the finger.
Neither of us are skilled or "handy" when it comes to house maintenance or renovations. It is like going to the dentist for us.
Getting professionals in to do the job is outragiously expensive.
This skirt reminds me of the fireplace.
Shoes – Miss Mooz, Skirt – Anthropologie, Top – Zara, Necklace – handmade for sale, Clutch – Danier
The flames on my sides and the white, now the bare wall waiting for me to get with it and just do it already.
So of course instead of getting started on the fireplace I decided to do what is easier and what I know.
An outfit post.
Makes perfect sense.
Now I am off to the hardware store.
Don't worry I changed.
I switched out the open toed heels for some closed toed pumps.
Safety first people.
I figure if I can just complete one renovation project in our house and do a good job it would get me past this fear.
Have you tried your hand at any home renovations? If so, did they turn out?
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