death Archives - Suzanne Carillo

Things You Don’t Like To Think About But Still Do

This isn’t yet another style post, this is a kick upside the head with reality.

And reality bites, in case you didn’t see the 1990s movie.

I’m sure everyone has thought about their death at one point or another.

When we are young the thought never crosses our mind but as we age we think about it more often.

As much as many of us would like to avoid it, we’re all journeying to the same destination, some sooner than others.

One of my favourite quotes is, “From the moment we are born we begin to die.” – Janne Teller

Morbid but true. A great reminder that every day is a gift to cherish.

Last week I had a bit of a wake up call.

I fell down the stairs.

I’m not dead. Obvs! But I am shaken up.

I stepped on the central vac hose at the top of the stairs and fell with it still in my arms. This all happened a split second after I’d mindfully told myself to, “Be careful, don’t fall!” Lucky for me the stairs were carpeted. I knocked the air out of myself good, hit my tailbone, arms, wrists and neck but managed to escape without breaking any bones. I feel lucky that I’m only left bruised and sore with some pulled muscles.

After the initial shock wore off my mind began racing imagining how I could have been laying there, possibly with a broken neck for a few days before anyone would have discovered me. My poor pug would have been traumatized. My husband would have eventually contacted the neighbour to come and check on me. The neighbour is a retired paramedic so he would have known how to proceed but just the thought of all of this unnerved me. A good imagination can be a very bad thing.

Living alone as I’ve done for the past two years one thinks about horror stories like these; slipping in the tub, choking on some food or falling down the stairs. In my mind each of those scenarios ends with me dead and my pug eating half of my face away. Remind me to never read Kujo or watch Gerald’s Game again.

All these scenarios involve an accident and dying alone.

That is one of our greatest fears, the thought of dying alone. Somehow, if we have loved ones close by it will lessen our despair of passing into the unknown.

I don’t know if this is true but I do know I’d rather not die alone, given the choice.

Having the opportunity to say goodbye seems important. It’s the last chance to communicate how much we love someone.

I admit that a slow, prolonged death while living in a nursing home surrounded by people I don’t know, unable to care for myself, my humanity slipping from my grasp daily worries me more than dying alone. Although nursing homes are well equipped for the elderly they often seem devoid of empathy. There have been quite a few cases of elder abuse reported in nursing homes. Imagine all the abuse that goes unreported. It’s a sobering thought and one I try not to dwell on for too long.

After my fall I stumbled upon an article about recycling bodies into the earth.

I know it sounds disgusting but really it’s not. I’ve long since thought I wanted to be cremated but after having read how much energy that requires and how wasteful it is I’m on board with the idea of a green burial where I can give back to the earth. I don’t like the idea of a large expensive funeral.

What does my outfit have to do with any of this?

Nothing.

The reality is that although I like clothes they aren’t what is truly important in life.

Life is about spending time with those you love, creating meaningful memories and adding value to the world.

Our consciousness is numbed by the constant barrage of vapid social media fluff so it’s good to throw in a dose of reality once in a while.

It’s also an opportunity to connect, like in the old days of blogging when it wasn’t just one big commercial.

If you are thinking of leaving a comment about my shoes or how cute my dress is do me a favour and dive a little deeper. Let’s keep it real this time.