Have you ever been told that you look like, “You’re trying too hard”?
Like Goldilocks trying to find, “just the right bed” if we put too little effort into our clothing and personal care we “gave up” but if we put too much effort into our clothing and personal care we are “trying too hard”.
I was appalled to read recently that women over a “certain age” shouldn’t get eyelash extensions because they look like they are “trying too hard”. Good grief. This shouldn’t even be a topic for discussion. Personal care and clothing is a personal choice.
This touched a nerve since I do have eyelash extensions. I have naturally long, thick, straight, super blond lashes. So blond that you can’t see them. My eyes are also very sensitive to mascara. Previously, I dyed my lashes but my eyes developed an allergy to the dye. Now I get last extensions, not for length, but because I want visible lashes without using mascara.
I don’t feel I should need to justify any choices that I make with regards to my personal style or grooming.
Who judges what is considered too much, too little or just enough?
Me.
This image has been Photoshopped. Can you guess where?
No, it’s not the lens blur.
I smoothed out the wrinkles in my top. Why use an iron when you can use Photoshop?
I wasn’t sure about this bold silk A-line Mexx skirt but it is so wonderfully cool and was just $5. The top isn’t the most flattering but the temperature climbed to 39 C with the humidex and when it’s that hot I want as little as possible touching my body.
Do you make a conscious effort to look like you haven’t “tried too hard”?
Do you judge other people that you think are?
Linking up with Visible Monday, I Will Wear What I Like, Shoe and Tell, Turning Heads Tuesdays, Throw Back Thursdays
What’s the point of making an effort when nobody notices? I say try as hard as you can.
I rarely leave the house without false eyelashes, like yours mine are blonde and rubbish and I can’t be arsed with trying to remove mascara before bed.
I dye my hair, use fake tan, paint my nails and wear lipstick. I don’t get “effortless style” – I see it feted on blogs and it inevitably means letting your hair go grey and wearing tracksuit bottoms with orthopedic sandals – it might work for stick thin supermodels but makes the average woman look like a bag lady. Who was who said that they’d rather be looked over than overlooked?
Loving that skirt – Mexx was always stylish and super expensive back in the day and the top works just fine. I’m always using the “Beautify” option on Picmonkey to iron out the creases in my clothes, too. xxxx
Ha! So I’m not the only one ironing my clothing online ; )
I just read all of the “serious” comments from the link you provided on the post about the age appropriateness of distressed jeans , (Over 50 Feeling Forty)
OK, now I’m feeling a little pissed off. I just poured a 3rd cup of coffee and that’s not helping.
I was a college student from 1970-1974 so I did the Bohemian look then and LOVED the colors, textures, cultures and fun of those fashions then and for the next 40 years. I always included some of that vibe in my fashion. It wasn’t always easy to find but it WAS available in new fashion trends in a smattering throughout those years.
Imagine my delight when that “look” came back a few years ago and continues to be a hot/current trend. I’m buying and wearing with enthusiasm and at 64 I’m loving it even more since I’m able to wear things I have owned for years and buy items I couldn’t afford back in the 70’s.
Throughout my life I’ve pretty much bought and worn what I think looks good on me , makes me happy, tickles my creativity, and feels right. Sure, the “age appropriate” thought has run through my mind but it’s never been my driving force and never will be.
I own several pairs of distressed jeans and it’s never occurred to me that I needed to be a particular age to pull them off. Fashion is fundamentally about self expression, creativity, and fun.
STAY OUT OF MY WAY, RAIN ON SOMEONE ELSE’S PARADE, AND PTTHHHH!
to all over 40 nay sayers who can’t embrace that thinking. Actually, my sympathies to you as well. You’re missing a lot of joy!
OK, I think I’m done now…
Suzanne, I think you are freaking amazing.
Oh! Don’t get me started on my rant about wearing distressed jeans! LOL When I get on my soapbox there is no getting me down.
Keep on rocking those jeans! I’ve got your back.
Age-appropriateness is so very, very odd – seldom to do with age and more about the discomforture of others. I really do think it is code for “I can’t wear distressed jean as I think they are :
a) making me look like I’m trying to look young (aka the mutton button*)
b) cool, and I couldn’t pull off wearing them myself – so how very dare you try, and win
c) a bit cheap and common-looking (aka you look like a sexy-lady – not allowed in the over 25s)
Your look sounds amazing. Born Bohemian here too!!
* that very ugly phrase, ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ ick
Thank you for your lovely vote of confidence Elaine!!
My Bohemian tastes in clothing, extend to my attitudes toward people too. I’m actually pretty forgiving and tolerant. I appreciate an eclectic mix of friends. However, that judgmental attitude is tough to take calmly sometimes.
I think you’ve nailed some truths in your response to my comment.
Jude
39C?! YIKES…I had to close all my windows today, so chilly and damp.
I probably try too hard at everything, LOL. Hopefully, not everyone picks up on it. I find with sewing, one does have to think ahead and it’s easy to fall into trying too hard.
You look fabulous my dear!
Well you sure do make it look effortless! You always manage to look like you haven’t a care in the world : )
Nobody has the right to judge others and yet many people do. I don’t get it. Often, I believe, it’s projecting insecurity outward. BTW, I agree that photo-editing is a great substitute for ironing!
I agree about projecting.
I think sometimes we “try too hard” when we want to be forever-29 because we feel pressured into a constant war with our bodies, our faces, and our tastes because society’s ideas of beauty and acceptability are so narrow. Some women never dare to explore the fun of being 40 or 60 or 80 because they feel they have to struggle to look ‘young’ until they decently fade into the wallpaper (or die). Such a pity. If someone has got to whatever age and has decided that dyed eyelashes or scarlet lipstick or cerise suede kitten heels is what makes her feel good and positive about herself then I say Keep Trying! It’s attitude that counts, not age, age has very little to do with being able to wear something with panache. Wouldn’t life be awful if just because you were a wallflower at 20 you could never again dress up and show off?
I think I’ve used photo editing to cover up more clothing flaws than body flaws since I’ve started blogging. Cover up a tiny whole here, a weird crease there… a grease stain. You name it. I often judge people when I feel they’re not trying hard ENOUGH. Like, really? Gym shorts and house slippers at the grocery store huh? You wanna try a little harder next time?
Hahahaha….trying too hard?
That kind of comment usually comes from jealousy.
Anyone that complains a woman is trying to hard is either a misogynist (men and women can be one) or just a bit sad and pathetic.
I don’t care if someone thinks I am trying too hard, or not trying enough…..If I like what I am wearing (or my makeup) then that is all that matters.
Any snide comments should be taken as a compliment.
Trying too hard?
Maybe the accuser is not trying hard enough!
Have fun fluttering your extensions!!
XXX
Samantha
http://www.fakefabulous.com
🙂 I never knew that one could remove wrinkles with photoshop.
Can I please have that for all the stuff I need to iron? 😀
I fully agree with you – it’s nobody elses (spelling?) business if somebody uses eyelash extensions or not.
Your outfit – my colors! LOVE them.
Your shoes are so so so so cool!
Many greeting from Vienna xo 🙂
I intend to keep trying quite hard! Like Vix, don’t be thinkin’ I get up looking like this! (well, I don’t look as good as Vix, but the point remains – I do try hard). Lash extensions, manis, pedis, waxings, and etc are all most certainly personal choices, not up for others’ approval.
Always it’s women who are subject to this kind of scrutiny, arrrghhhh. OK I guess I got mad, but I needed to. And BTW, you look fabulous and you have fabulous eyelashes! xox
-Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com
: P I thought you might have something to say about this.
Love the skirt, and I remember seeing you wear those shoes before–they are still just as amazing! I don’t tend to think much of what other people would think about my appearance, and definitely encourage the embracing of individual style. But as far as “trying too hard”–I think there is a point at which people can go ‘too far.’ I always think back to my beautiful 18 year old beauty school classmates who wouldn’t let their boyfriends or parents see them without their falsies and hair extensions and a full face of makeup….meaning that they occasionally slept wearing their clip-in extensions and all makeup…which kind of boggles my mind. I think there is a point at which relying of fashion, beauty products, and various other fun additions loses the balance with being able to fully live and relish life. But…not everyone has my point of view and I won’t “judge”, per se….but I will probably giggle at the ladies wearing platform heels on the beach and sinking into the sand…
I’m with Vix on this. I’d rather look like I’d tried too hard than look like a bag lady any day. I chime with Samantha too re the jealousy issue that can spark this kind of comment. You of all people know how important it is to be true to yourself. But I do know when something strikes a chord it makes you wonder if such a thing applies to you. Carry on being you, looking fab, styling vintage and generally showing everyone how it’s done, baby!
Anna x
http://www.annasislandstyle.com
Well, I usually try to “try enough” as I think there was a time when I didn’t try enough… 🙂 How much each of us is trying is such a personal choice, and I really think we can never decide that someone else is trying too hard…
I really like your outfit – such great colors together! And I love the idea of photoshopping the wrinkles in your top! Unfortunately, I’m really bad at using it – the other day I tried to get rid of a stain, but it was hopeless… 🙂
I don’t care what anyone else thinks!
Best.
Comment.
Ever.
oh yes, I agree with Vix (as usual!)!, what’s the point on dressing up to look fabulous if nobody notices?, I do like trying too hard!
When somebody says me that I’m looking like going to a wedding or something, I usually say that I don’t like to save my clothes for an occasion, as everyday is an occasion!. Then most of the people react in a possitive way and chat with me!
On the other hand, some people critize me because I don’t use makeup most of the time, I apply just lipstick!. You really can’t manage your life to please people, it’s a waste of time!!
Let’s do try too hard!!
besos
“You really can’t manage your life to please people, it’s a waste of time!!” So true!
Reading the comments above, I can’t believe people tell others to wear more/less make-up or wear different clothing. I don’t tell others how to look and they certainly don’t tell me. Honestly, I’d ignore an article telling me “rules”. Helpful suggestions that I can take or leave, I’m more open to. But, “trying too hard”? Who is the judge? The older I get the less judgey I’ve become. So, I’d say the “rule makers” must be quite immature.
Julia
http://www.whenthegirlsrule.com
Fine…so I try too hard….and since when is that a bad thing? I’d rather keep on trying than give up.
Those articles crack me up—and yet I used to take them so seriously—truly that’s one of the good things about blogging—there are so many others out there that rebel—and then you realize how silly those “rules” really are!!
Love the skirt Suzanne!! But you realize that’s cheating with the wrinkles in the shirt? Ha ha! I actually just gave away a shirt like this because I could never get the ruffles at the top to behave (they kept fighting with each other—sorry, couldn’t resist!)
jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
The weird thing is I didn’t even notice it was wrinkled until after I saw the photos. Typical.
Oh, man. I feel like most of what has been said already echoes what I would have said. Hehe. There are way too many judgmental people out there when it comes to fashion. Something so subjective just doesn’t lend itself to hard and fast rules, IMO. I generally try not to care too much about what other people think (some days I’m better at that, than others). ;P
By the way, I love your skirt. The colors and patterns are beautiful. I noticed a different color and pattern on the back of your heels, too. Radness. 😀
– Anna
http://www.melodicthriftychic.com
Better to try too hard than to not try at all!
Mary
http://www.marymurnane.com
I probably don’t try hard enough. You, on the other hand, probably look gorgeous first thing in the morning even before brushing your teeth. And it’s not just because of your eyelashes.
Ha! You must be joking! Before I brush my teeth I try to avoid people, including my husband. I don’t care if my face isn’t washed or my hair is a mess, it’s the teeth I’m worried about. Yes, I’m weird like that.
Love your online ironing – why haven’t I thought of that?!? So much better than the real kind, which is hot and very boring. I think I’m probably more guilty of not trying hard enough many days. Sometimes it’s very hard to put a lot of effort in when the only person who will see you is the dog ;)! People need to worry about their own selves and stop judging everyone else. Great outfit, btw – great color on you! I haven’t tried lash extensions, but I’ve heard great things.
I feel you! My dog knows that when the camera comes out Mommy is changing out of her dog walking clothes.
I read this yesterday on my phone, but waited until I was on the computer to comment…I hate typing on that tiny screen. I find it so peculiar that “trying too hard” is viewed as an issue. How did making an effort become a bad thing? Through my clothes, hair, makeup, etc. I’m not trying to be anything other than the best version of myself. My daughter and I have a few of the same tops. That doesn’t mean I’m trying to be 12, nor am I being juvenile in my clothing choices. She just has exceptionally good taste for a 12 year old…lol! I color my hair, have a fake tan and get my nails done; I view that as simply maintenance. Nothing more, nothing less.
By the way, you look fabulous as always. I often use photo editing in place of a lint roller myself.
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
“Through my clothes, hair, makeup, etc. I’m not trying to be anything other than the best version of myself.”
I want this on an inspirational poster for my office.
I dress for me. I paint my own picture. And when I am satisfied with the result I present it to he world. That is my opinion,my style, my view on beauty. I don’t care what others think. You cannot please everybody all of the time anyway.
Great skirt and I love nearly all Fluevog shoes and these are no exception.
Greetje
I think many of us try too easy – meaning, we just do what we do, it’s not hard, it comes naturally, even if there are many steps involved. Others think it’s hard because they can’t or won’t do it. And haters are always going to hate – they move their little storm clouds through the world and we can only hope they leave quickly.
And that “effortless” look is just another excuse to sell a whack-ton of cosmetics in neutral or nude shades. It takes just a long or longer to achieve that look as it does an obviously made-up face.
I love your last extensions. I LOVE your style. And I ESPECIALLY love your Photoshop ironing. Hahaha!! You could sell a tutorial on that.
Thirty-nine degrees of heat? Is that even possible? Wow. Time for some serious hydration and relaxation. It’s another hot one today I hear. Isn’t Talize air-conditioned…? Hahaha. “Enabler!!,” she cried pointing a finger at me.
Your comment about “trying to hard” was absolutely on the mark Melanie. I loved each and every word of it and even the punctuation. Just felt so damn satisfied after reading it!
I think you summed this up beautifully with one word – ‘judged’. Feck that for a game of soldiers.
Clothe your self as you choose and paint away – damned if you do (try too hard); damned if you don’t (letting yourself go) – and gawd forbid you either dress ‘too young’ or culturally approprite anything.
Tempted to lash a bin liner around me and wear paint myself blue with woad. Judge that, feckers.
Keep ‘them’ confused I say!!
You crack me up!
That is just a strange statement. “trying to hard” I dress as I want to dress without thinking about it too much… Anyway, the purple really is a great color on you and i love it with all of the colors in the skirt. I use wrinkle releaser on some of my clothes if they wrinkle, but photoshop sounds good!
Thanks for linking up with Turning Heads Tuesday
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
The day I give up “trying” to look the best me I can be is the day I die.