I’ve had a few weird things happen while thrifting. There have been vintage dresses that were near impossible to remove from my body without having to relocate both of my shoulders. I’ve had near panic attacks during such episodes where I fear running out of the fitting room, a deformed thrift monster, dress stuck, arms pinned firmly above my head, a headless, blind, trapped, terrified creature bumping into walls all the while screaming,
“GET THIS F’ING THING OFF ME!!!“
There have been dresses that create a quadro boob, getting stuck just below or above the boob shelf, refusing to budge. Thank heavens boobs are adjustable, although that was far from a pain free removable as I remember and I needed help from a friend to escape.
Of course I’ve had the occasional zipper that gets stuck in which case I’m not above coming out of the fitting room and asking for help. Shame is a useless emotion when thrifting. Get over it.
I’ve had stuck zippers on skirts that had to be cut off me in the fitting room at Anthropologie in NYC by two hottie guys.
Most recently I had a fight with a pair of boots.
These boots to be precise.
My Wardrobe Malfunction – The Perils Of Thrifting
They look innocent enough right?
I tried them on and although they were a titch tight on my man-cows (very large calves) it wasn’t worse than any other boots I’ve tried on before.
That is until I tried to remove them at which point one of boots decided they weren’t prepared to let me go. The zipper was stuck. As in, it won’t budge, at all, stuck. I tried and tried in the fitting room to move it a little bit. Nope. Not moving.
I came out of the fitting room after trying for five minutes on my own and breathlessly exclaimed,
“I have a “boot emergency!”
The cashier seemed totally non plussed by the whole thing,
“Okay honey,” she cooed and then went on about her business.
Ummm….hello?! That means I need help lady!
So I tried again this time with a bit more force,
“Like, no, I need help. My foot is stuck and it won’t come out. For real!“
Suddenly realizing that I was beginning to panic she clued into my predicament and searched around for some pliers for me to try.
I tried.
Nope, not helping.
Eventually after watching me helplessly struggle on my own for another five minutes she finally gave in and decided to assist me.
She was a considerable woman and she couldn’t make the zipper budge.
By this time some other customers empathizing over my predicament also tried their hand at moving the zipper.
Nope.
One then suggested that I might consider buying the boots only so I could cut it off my leg.
Not an option.
It wasn’t my fault the zipper got stuck!
I wasn’t giving up.
One gal gave it her best shot, she was making some headway and then the entire zipper pull just snapped off completely. She fell backwards with the force.
No one was happy.
I was really stuck now.
Let’s be clear, I did not like the boots enough to wear them the rest of my life.
My determination set in. Another customer agreed to tug at the boot while I endeavoured to mentally force my leg and foot to shrink all the while pulling in the opposite direction.
The pleather did stretch some, my foot was now painfully wedged in the narrow ankle section of the boot.
Progress!
The friendly woman that was helping me decided it wasn’t a good idea to continue when some other customer mentioned that she might break my foot in the process.
Nice.
Thanks for the vote of confidence!
It was left to me, alone.
I was determined. I didn’t want that pair of boots. Heck I didn’t even like them anymore, I despised those damn boots.
I was covered in sweat.
It was going to happen.
Grunting, pulling, straining and tightening.
It.
was.
going.
to.
come.
off.
Dammit.
I still had one more thrift store to visit. I’ll be damned if some stupid boot is going to mess up my thrifting schedule!
I painfully and ever-so-slowly inched my way out of that boot, pulling out my shoulders and neck in the process.
It took about fifteen minutes to stretch the pleather enough to free my foot.
Just another day at the thrift store my friends.
No one told me this would be a dangerous profession.
Oh and here’s an outfit I wore. No wardrobe malfunctions with any of it thankfully!
Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction while shopping?
If so, what happened?
That would have made me panic too! I have had a zipper get stuck on a piece of new clothing that took a LOOONNNG time to get out of, with help from the store owner.
I love this outfit on you – you wear those floppy brim hats beautifully, and the colours are just soooo good with your hair.
Zippers are dangerous!
What a nightmare!! I’m glad you made it out of that boot eventually. I’ve needed shop assistant help before to extricate myself from some unfortunate garment. Never pleasant! X
Oh dear!
I never try anything on in charity shops, if it doesn’t fit me I’ll just stick it in the stockroom.
When I met up with Curtise and Tania last year Curtise and I were so busy chatting to the manager of a charity shop we both knew we didn’t notice that Tania was missing. She’d been trapped in a vintage swimsuit for 20 minutes, frantically trying to wiggle out of it!
Loving the cat print top. xxx
Avoiding the fitting rooms altogether is great! Must make your shopping trips so much faster.
I find if I try on the items I’m much more likely to find the problem areas.
Poor Tania! Swimsuits are the worst!
Oh dear!! That would be a panic inducing moment! I’m glad you managed to get the boot off 🙂
I can’t think of any times I’ve had a malfunction at the thrift store. There have been a few times when I got a bit stuck trying to pull a dress off over my head, but nothing too serious 🙂
Who knew thrifting was an extreme sport!
It seems zips are the culprit.
I will stay well away!
(I just realised we say zips to your zippers!)
xo Jazzy Jack
You guys are always shortening words down there.
Wow, what a harrowing tale. I fully sympathize with your distress, having experienced similar emotions while being trapped in tight female clothing. In my case, it happens at home which in a way is worse because I’m alone, without help, and don’t want to be found dead that way. Now, as a precaution, I place scissors within reaching distance whenever I dress. But back to you — I applaud your writing ability. You have the uncommon talent to describe your experiences so vividly that we’re drawn in and care about them. Your blog is like a novel at times.
Yes, that would be awful!
I find that I think of things like that now that Robert is overseas. I choked a few weeks back on some food and couldn’t breathe and I thought for sure I’d be found weeks later, my face partially eaten off by my poor pug having died that way. The places our brains can go to!
mwahaha, dresses imposible to remove, tops which get stuck on my upper body (squeezing my boobs ridiculously!), those things have happened lots of times!
I have a friend who is an specialist in getting trapped into clothes, so she has developed some interesting skills (she’s like Houdini!). I think that we, plus sized ladies, have this kind of problems frequently, as many shop assistants insist in too small clothes, or we’re cheated by unreal sizing!
And your odissey with those boots has been really amusing to read (so witty!), even if I’ve been also suffering for your poor feet (and your dignity too!)
besos
The boob thing is a real issue. People that don’t have them don’t realize how much of a problem they can be.
Now that I’m older I also find that they don’t seem to be where they should be. I’m constantly having to pull them up like a pair of socks so they fit into the vintage dresses. Half the time I’m left wondering if I’m trying on kid’s clothing because it feels like the boobs are supposed to be right below the neck. My boobs were never that high!
What a horrifying experience!
I’ve had difficulty removing things but have always managed eventually to get them off. I don’t know if this is a malfunction but I once bought a pure silk trouser suit from my local charity shop many years ago; took it home; washed it and it shrunk…it was quite expensive by my thrifting standards so I took it back and said it was too small (I hadn’t tried it on in the shop) and I was refunded!
I loved your suede maxi and cat print blouse and of course a floppy hat is just the perfect accompaniment.
Have a lovely weekend.
That is darn lucky that they allowed you to get a refund! The places I shop at only allow exchanges and some don’t allow refunds or exchanges.
I was howling with laughter, mainly because it is so recognizable for me. Not that I ever got stuck in a boot, mind you, but I’ve had my fair share of sticky moments with dresses. The one that I couldn’t get out of because I hadn’t noticed the side zipper went further down, for instance. I’d somehow got it on but couldn’t get it off. Or the one where I got stuck between the lining and the upper fabric of a maxi dress. All that fabric got more and more tangled and I couldn’t find my way out of it. So yes, thrifting definitely has its perils! I’m so glad I’m not the only one … xxx
I had a girlfriend that had this same issue. I don’t even know how she managed to get the dress on without opening up the zipper!
I’ve had the issue of the upper lining and the dress trapping me too. Sometimes I think the dress is trying to kill me!
Haha. Omgosh, that sucks! Super sorry about that. Ugh. I would have died in that situation. Glad you managed to unfetter yourself. Love your maxi skirt, by the way! 😀
– Anna
http://www.melodicthriftychic.com
such a nightmare!!
but your outfit here is fabulous! beautiful skirt!
never got stuck in garment – hypermobil joints – they must be good for something 😉
xxxx
I tried to leave a comment on your lovely garden but I’m thinking now I didn’t click on the correct tab to publish. I should have used Google translate!
Love this story, Suzanne. I’ve never been stuck in a boot… but had some anxious moments trying to get out of a sports bra one day. That suede skirt is lovely. I’m hoping to take in the Ottawa Vintage Clothing Show tomorrow. Too bad you weren’t here!
Sports bras are always a nightmare!
I would have loved to have gone with you Sue! One of these years I should make the trip.
I hope you enjoy the show and post about it on your blog. I can’t wait to see if you find any treasures to take home with you.
PS, I left a long comment on your post about boots the other day and it looks like somehow it got lost : ( Anyhow, I loved your post about it.
Yep, it seems we’ve all been there Suzanne, but none of us can write about quite like you do. Totally hilarious account – brilliant! I have to say, that if I’d been there, I most definitely would have given you my utmost assistance in extracating your strangled foot. Panic sets in doesn’t it, especially as you bounce about in the tiny enclave of a changing room, and the more you try, the more you sweat and everything seems to expand.
I will confess to maybe busting some stiches and even breaking a zip one time when I was held captive inside a dress masquerading as my size. When I eventually emerged, pink faced and breathless from behind the flimsy curtain, I was pretty sure the assistant knew exactly what had gone on in my wordless, muffled struggle. “Everything okay?” she asked with a scarcely hidden grin. Pah!
Anna x
Ha ha! That is when you need to have a friend with you!
I’m so sorry for laughing at your pain but I’m weeping!! I got stuck in a prom dress and panicked so much that I started sweating and crying. There were only two other people in the shop, my mom and the shopkeeper and I was just too darn embarrassed to ask for help. Oh yeah, I got stuck in another prom dress in Dillards back when I used to try on formal gowns just for fun. I busted the seams and snapped a strap trying to get out of it and hastily put it back on the rack and scurried out of the store, never to return again. I can’t say I’ve ever been stuck in shoes before and you’re the first person I’ve ever heard of who has!!!!
Yeah, Suzanne, why didn’t you buy them so you could cut them off? ???!!!! Hahaha!! What planet…it’s the question that comes to mind. You need to bring scissors with you just in case. I’m glad they didn’t try to lube your leg with WD40 oil. That would not be pleasant.
Yesh, I’ve had those Mr. Bean head-stuck-in-a-turkey moments with dresses. Hahaha! Not so hahaha at the time. I’m surprised I don’t see more face prints on the yolks of dresses where women with heavy foundation have been trapped against the fabric.
Brilliant post!! LMAO
Omg…I would have totally panicked! I freak out if I feel trapped in any way shape or form…you should see me if my fingers swell & I can’t get my rings off…lol! I’m loving the boots you’re wearing here though. And my friend, you were born to wear hats!
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
I’ve definitely been stuck in boots before – but they belonged to my sister, who insisted I try them on, even though she’s smaller than me. I remember feeling quite panicky! Can’t imagine having that experience at the store. Glad it all worked out – and you were able to put on that beautiful outfit in your post!
You are a great story teller Suzanne. You are particularly good at describing those close call (almost being hauled to an asylum) harrowing (the dreaded flesh eating zipper) experiences and taking us to that emotionally ravaged brink right with you!
Gawd, do you really think that dear little Zoe would have started at your face if that choke hadn’t resolved itself? OMG! I’m very relieved that you survived to tell the tale, and were able to move on to some other nightmarish vintage garment con”trap” tion.
No, luckily I have never experienced this. Must be horrible. You were wise wearing this outfit to thrift. It had to be something really good to beat what you were wearing (love it), which is very good. You don’t end up with purchases which are less nice. What’s the point of that right?
Greetje