I mean seriously…who doesn’t want to drape themselves in red velvet?
Someone that doesn’t know how to live, that’s who.
This is one of the pieces from Altuzarra that caught my eye. I’ve been looking for a burgundy/red velvet tuxedo jacket for myself at consignment, vintage and thrift stores for ages now.
When I saw this dark red one in an ad I got all sweaty and almost broke out in hives. It was perfect! I vowed I would be there to see it in person on the 14th of September, the day the Altuzarra line came out at Target. This was my initiation into the frenzied world that these type of limited designer collections create.
When I arrived at my closest Target store at what I thought was bright and early at 8:15 am on a Sunday morning I figured no one else would be there.
There were quite a few cars in the parking lot.
Damn fashionistas are up at the crack of dawn!
By the time I scurried my late butt inside someone had already snatched up all my sizes.
One gal had every single piece of the collection in her arms along with all the boots and shoes. She was frantically looking for a cart.
Needless to say, no one was helping her find a cart.
We were all grabbing at the racks. Half the time I don’t think people even knew what they were grabbing.
It was like an estate sale, but in a Target store.
I picked up some pieces that were too tight on me and figured I’d easily be able to drop 5 lbs and make them work for me. Just cut out a few carbs, some of my sugar, all dairy and okay, everything but water for a good ten days.
What? I’d done that before when I was in the hospital.
I drove to another store and exchanged two of the too small items for the correct size but still couldn’t find the skirt I was after. A pencil skirt. And you know how I feel about pencil skirts.
I was defeated.
I would not have this pencil skirt that looked like snakeskin and would have matched my Miu Miu boots perfectly.
I came home and thought about that damn skirt the whole afternoon like it was my lost child. Finally at 6 pm I decided to start phoning around to other Target stores. Store #8 I struck gold! And only a mere 45 minute drive from my house. On a Sunday night at 7 pm I drove out to Target in the middle of Cambridge quietly thinking to myself the whole time,
“You have seriously lost your marbles now.”
In the back of my head I was rationalizing the whole situation and calmly telling myself, I was simply out for a leisurely Sunday evening drive.
People don’t do Sunday drives anymore?
When I got to the store it was d-e-a-d.
As in it was me and the three other people that had to be there because they worked there.
The skirt was just sitting there, on the rack, right out in the open, with a bunch of other skirts.
It was surreal. Like I’d stepped into The Twighlight Zone. I’d been given my own fashion store and I’d never have to fight people for designer clothing again.
I snapped out of my spooky dream, grabbed the skirt quickly and almost ran to the cash…half expecting a crazy group of ladies to appear from nowhere and come chasing after me, clawing at me with their freshly painted ombre sparkle manicures.
Once I’d paid for it and was basically, Home Free, I felt a bit high, like I’d won the lottery.
I almost turned around and yelled,
“Yo yo yo! B****es! Na na na na na na na!”
I didn’t win the lottery.
I bought a skirt.
I was still a stoked on the way back and even sang a bit out loud in the car.
So on that note I’d like you to finish this sentence for me…
You know you are a true cray-cray fashionista freak when…
I can’t wait to read what you’ll write ; )