Dressing Someone Just Not Myself

When I spotted this gorgeous very large, bold, floral print, button up shirt at the thrift store I couldn’t pass it by. I knew it was way too big. I knew it would be hell to try to tuck it into anything, still, I convinced myself I could “make it work”.

Style delusion is what we call that in the “industry”. Ha!

I shoved on these high waisted dark jeans hoping that somehow I’d squish all of that extra material in without looking like I’d accidentally tucked my 1980s fanny pack into my jeans. Didn’t work. I was definitely concealing something in my jeans and in the end I think it turned out to be my identity. I morphed into a hipster with a top bun and attitude to match. Okay, maybe I already have an attitude but the rest of me just felt out of place. I swear that these jeans looked good originally…I think. Now I’m wondering if I didn’t buy them on a particularly thin day. They don’t seem to fit any part of my body anymore. Why does it feel like they are always sitting in the wrong spot and creasing at the worst places?

FYI…the photo below was the best out of a batch of maybe twenty. This is one of those rare occasions that the outfit looks even worse in person than it does in the photo.

I can tell you where it all went wrong.

What I Did To Make Myself Look Short And Heavy

I cuffed my jeans.

I buttoned up the shirt all the way.

I left the sleeves down.

I wore a shirt that was too large.

The print is too large.

I wore jeans that don’t fit.

I know all those rules to lengthen and slim my silhouette but in the interest of trying something new I tossed them out the window and said,

“Yep! I’m dressing someone else today!”

Turned out it’s my inner hipster Sue-Zanne.  She lives with three other roommates in a co-op artist loft off Bathurst West, drinks espresso fifteen times a day, eats grain fed meat regularly to keep her B-12 high and rides her vintage bike all over Toronto to A list social happenings that she has scheduled in her phone for the next six months.

I’m nothing at all like Sue-Zanne!

I live in the burbs with a spoiled pug. I never get invited to happenings unless my dog eating bunny poop counts as a happening. I don’t drink coffee, tea or anything else aside from water. Literally. No booze either. I had to give that up when I discovered I was allergic. {Cue dramatic sad music.}  I don’t eat meat or dairy. You’d never catch me riding a bike in Toronto. I don’t care if they have some bike lanes. It’s stressful enough just driving there. Toronto traffic is a thing people. A bad thing.

This is how you make the bad outfit look okay. Sit down. Act serious.

No one knows what’s behind that knee.

Not willing to give up I tried the, “I’ve surrendered my waist” look.

Sure it was much more comfortable but I’m not feeling it.

I feel like I might have surrendered more than my waist.

When the top comes down below your crotch and ends at the widest part of your body that is a no-go for me when I’m trying to look taller.

I know some of you may want to call this a tunic but please don’t.

You are either wearing a dress or a shirt but it can’t be both.

This may be a shress.

You read it here first!

I did open the collar hoping that would help but really it didn’t do enough. I didn’t grow three inches and lose ten pounds so in my eyes it failed.

You know how that goes.

Either I need to learn how to tailor this shirt to make it fit me properly or I need to say goodbye and list it in my Etsy store.

Sue-Zanne is laughing because she has yet another party planned for tonight and is high on her 10th espresso.

I kind of hate her.

Have you ever had a day when you dressed someone else? Just not yourself? Who did she turn out to be?

 

If you want to be sure you’re dressing your true authentic self may I suggest you take a Style Boosting Coaching session with the one and only Melanie from Bag and a Beret?

If there is anyone that can pump up your style and ensure that you are hitting your mark dead on it is this woman.

Added bonus…you’ll have an absolute blast!

 

Linking up with the lovely Patti over at Visible Monday and Jess over at Turning Heads Tuesday.