IN HONOR OF ST. PATRICK'S DAY

1. Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
 
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

2. Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
 
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

3. Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one — just had another fight with the little woman."

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

"She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"