I was the recipient of this brilliant comment on my blog a few weeks back…
“Your usage of “bisous” is affected on your Already Pretty comments. It just sounds silly.” – Christine
Dear Christine,
Thanks for clearing that up for me! I’m so very delighted that you took time out of your busy day to read the comment I’d left over at Already Pretty’s blog and then came all the way over to my blog to leave a comment criticizing how I choose to sign my name.
Congratulations!
You have won the, “Just How Far Out Of Your Way Will You Go To Criticize Someone Over Something Ridiculous” award!
Wear it with pride!
What you do not know, Christine, is that I owned a business for over ten years called Bisous. I designed, manufactured and distributed scrapbooking papers, stickers and supplies. My company sold these supplies worldwide. For years I tediously explained to wholesale buyers and retail customers in North America how to pronounce the name of my company Bisous (bee-zoo) and also what it means, “little kisses” and why I chose it as the name of my company.
I have lived in France. My husband is from Nice. I met him while living in France.
I speak French every other day at home.
So you see Christine, I actually do know what the word “bisous” means.
It is similar to people from North America signing XOX, XX or kisses and their name.
I know that.
I realize I’m signing my name this way and despite your complaint that it “just sounds silly” I will continue to do so for as long as it pleases me.
Thanks again for your concern Christine. I’m glad you commented in such an insightful well researched manner. If ever there is a time that you would like me to visit your blog and do the same for you just let me know. I’d be happy to help you out.
Would you make the extra effort to criticize someone over something so trivial?
Or would you believe that in fact you are doing them a favour by showing them how ridiculous they are?
I feel you, sister. I still smart just a little over the “your pants are stupid” remark. Thanks for sharing that piercing insight, yeah? Anyway, I go nowhere out of my way to criticize, unless it is of course my beloved husband. He may need the feedback. A million bisous to you.
Ha ha! It is fun how we will go out of our way to “help” those we love ; )
Well said, buddy. You illustrate a point I learned early on — none of us knows the full story behind why other people do what they do. Thus, when you feel the impulse to criticize and correct someone, use restraint. You may be wrong. You may not know the perfectly valid reason that person is saying or doing what they’re doing. Often, my restraint kept me from making a fool out of myself when I later discovered facts that showed my opinion to be wrong or at least ungenerous.
Also, do we want to be so unkind to others that we leap on opportunities to hurt them? I don’t; in fact, I move in the opposite direction. Life is hard for all of us; let’s not make it more miserable for anyone.
You are so right on here. Well put.
Well-said, Ally. I agree totally!
Well, I think the comment in question says absolutely nothing about you and speaks volumes about Christine… People get annoyed by the most trivial and oddest things that usually have nothing to do with people they choose to project their neuroses on. For the record, I find it rather sweet and quirky that you sign with ‘bisous’ (and since I also lived in France, briefly, I know what it means). It’s just one of those individual habits we all have, habits that make us unique. Christine’s need to critisize it is a far less sympathetic habit…
I think Christine should think herself very lucky to get such an intelligent and polite response.
I was brought up being told that if I hadn’t anything nice to say then to keep quiet.
What a waste of time and energy to bother finding your blog leaving you such a terse comment when her time would have been far better spent reading through your archives and understanding why you choose to say what you do which, in my opinion, is warm, thoughtful and friendly, just like you.
xxx
She can bisous off! Yes, I know that is not used correctly, but I wanted to say it anyway! That’s a lot of work to insult a virtual stranger. Wow. Sometimes you don’t HAVE to say what you’re thinking!
She can bisous off! Yes, I know I’m not using that correctly. That’s a lot of work to go to to insult a virtual stranger. Sometimes it’s ok to NOT say what you’re thinking!
Ha ha! Love this response : )
LOVE your response to Christine! I visit the Already Pretty blog only very rarely, but did read the post on which you left a comment and saw/read that too. I even remember noticing the ‘bisous’ greeting which I like a lot. Knowing that you are Canadian it didn’t surprise me one bit. It’s hard to understand why Christine felt the need to come over to your blog to unload that nasty line…
I’m continually amazed by people’s choices to say rude, nasty things without a second thought. A lot of thoughts pass through my head. I don’t feel compelled to share every single one of them. I could say rude things. The thoughts pop into head. But I know better. It doesn’t serve a purpose, it can be hurtful, and it would say a lot more about me than the person I’m attacking. Your signature is a silly thing to criticize. Who cares? You obviously do it deliberately and have your reasons, many of which you laid out here. I sign my name with an emoticon heart. It might be a bit silly and saccharine, but so am I! That’s why it’s my signature!
<3 Liz
http://www.withwonderandwhimsy.com
Great response, Suzanne. Some criticisms do not contain even a grain of truth. Since when is being Canadian and bilingual “affected?” Hahaha!
I always knew I was “affected” somehow LOL
Brilliant post Suzanne! I’m not sure I can articulate the thoughts I have, but I will say this…that is a very mean and ugly comment. It reveals much about the writer. For you to consider it a criticism shows integrity and maturity on your part.
We’ve established that the comment is a greater reflection of the writer than the receiver, but contrary to the childhood rhyme, words do hurt. I’m so sorry that you had this experience.
Beaucoup bisous, Sue
Unlike Vix, I grew up in a culture (not my family – but the whole big country mentality) where people believe that criticism is good for you. They actually criticize you for not being pleased with their criticism. They tell you “Of course, you ONLY want to hear compliments!” Like it is a bad thing. M :)any people would tell you in your face that, in their opinion, you need to find job, or another husband, or have three more children, or loose/gain 20 kg in order to be pretty – and wouldn’t even think twice about what they’ve just done. I do recognize that being surrounded by that mentality, I got a little bit of that myself, too. We just like to give each other advice. I don’t like it, but there it is. I apologize if I come across that way – I understand exactly how annoying and at times painful it is. Bisous my dear, peace and friendship 🙂
Unlike Vix, I grew up in a culture (not my family – but the whole big country mentality) where people believe that criticism is good for you. They actually criticize you for not being pleased with their criticism. They tell you “Of course, you ONLY want to hear compliments!” Like it is a bad thing. M :)any people would tell you in your face that, in their opinion, you need to find job, or another husband, or have three more children, or loose/gain 20 kg in order to be pretty – and wouldn’t even think twice about what they’ve just done. I do recognize that being surrounded by that mentality, I got a little bit of that myself, too. We just like to give each other advice. I don’t like it, but there it is. I apologize if I come across that way – I understand exactly how annoying and at times painful it is. I do believe that people mean well when they do it. Bisous my dear, peace and friendship 🙂
I did try to take it simply as someone that thought they were helping me from looking ludicrous. In the end though, everything in life is subjective. Who has the right to tell anyone anything? No one died and made her the God of language.
Really? Is there such a culture? I was not aware of that. Wow, that sounds tough!
We Dutch are known to be blunt and speak our mind as a form of ‘being honest’. I can appreciate that and do that myself to a certain extent. It depends however of so many factors. Is it something important? Who is the other person? Can the other person take it? Etc etc.
Over the years I came back from some of my childhood beliefs like: “telling the truth and speaking your mind regardless is always a good thing.” I don’t believe that anymore nowadays.
I only comment compliments. I don’t think my criticisms are important to people who I don’t know. I’m sometimes floored by Internet etiquette or maybe the lack of it.
This is a brilliant way of dealing with a hurtful comment, Suzanne. That woman went to a lot of trouble to “put you in your place” and only ended up making herself look silly, which is what usually happens with inappropriate comments. You are a schtar! Great post!
Well, given that most French women will sign off their emails or letters with either ‘bisous’ or ‘bises’ then I guess all of us over here are ‘affected’. Ah, but then, many Americans think that about us anyway!
Bravo for your reply.
Bises et bon courage mon amie.
Well, I think it strange that this person went to so much trouble to tell you that, but, on the other hand, I didn’t know that was where the “Bisous” came from and enjoyed learning a bit more about you!
One of my good friends once told me “it’s never about what it’s about”. Meaning, the criticism wasn’t really about a word you used … there’s something else, something more important for that lady to understand, something fueling her comment. And the same can be said for your response. There’s something else more important for all of us to understand about why we felt the motivation to address it.
Sounds like I’m picking a fight here which isn’t my intention (normally what I say to my husband when I try to say things to him like “it’s never about what it’s about” my dear …).
Best wishes and I do very much love your blog.
Well i am so pleased to know more about you. I love knowing what Bisous means, and loved hearing all of that history. I know you are a worldly person and jrust attributed your original singing to that..
a sophisticated citizen of the world, who, like many ,knows a language or two, or 3! It is self evident that you are well educated and articulate…
The last thing I would have thought was affect. Ergh…..
NOW this was an original post topic!
xx, Elle
http://mydailycostume.com
I think I would have not dignified it with a response and just shrug my shoulders. But I agree with what you said, it is very unkind to look up a virtual stranger to tell her what you think she does wrong.
I am very direct and sometimes insulting too (not meaning to, but it happens as you know). But only to people whom I love. As you said to Patti… we do such things to people we love LOL
Greetje
I think I would have not dignified it with a response and just shrug my shoulders. But I agree with what you said, it is very unkind to look up a virtual stranger to tell her what you think she does wrong.
I am very direct and sometimes insulting too (not meaning to, but it happens as you know). But only to people whom I love. As you said to Patti… we do such things to people we love LOL
Greetje
I’m with Greetje on this one. It’s clear that this is a nasty and totally unnecessary comment from that lady. I would not have responded, I think, since it is too ‘nonsense’ to give it a second thought.
Please note, that that does not mean that I am good in ‘forgive and forget’. Au contraire (oops, was that a French expression?), I am quite vindictive, when treated unfairly or badly. ‘Quite’ being an understatement here;-).
For me, Bisous is like your ‘trademark’. The hell with what she said. Bisous, bisous, bisous!!! There you go 😉 Some people live their life criticizing other. Maybe it makes them feel important, relevant and significant. It is just sad. Just a few days back a blogger was picking on me on my blog about linking pictures. She didn’t stop there. She went on an insulting rampage on my FB inbox! I kid you not! She really made my Friday. I wanted to engage her in a full blast keyboard war, but then I just sent her a ‘TQ’ instead. I didn’t even erase her comment. She doesn’t deserve my precious time. It also made me think, who on earth does she think she is? A blogosphere policewoman?
I do not leave criticism’s on blogs. If I don’t like something, I feel like that’s my problem, not theirs. Being negative is a big waste of energy, as far as I’m concerned. Personally, I love “bisous” and think it is very “you”!
Wow. I definitely don’t think I’ve ever gone that far. How petty and ridiculous.
When I was studying for my Master’s degree in Spanish (in Houston, Texas), a lot of my time was spent working with and speaking to native Spanish speakers. As a result, I’d recorded my voicemail message in English and Spanish. This was probably 20 years ago, but I’ll never forget when my roommate’s boyfriend told me that my bilingual message sounded stupid and affected. I like to think he was just jealous of my language skills. 🙂
Firstly, let me say that since Christine went out of her way to find your blog and leave a comment that is purely subjective criticism, without getting to know you or your blog through repeated visits/comments, I think it’s legitimate to ignore her. You don’t have to defend your use of bisous, and you certainly don’t have to fret about what she wrote. That’s that.
But there is a larger issue here which I admit bothers me from time to time, which is how honest to be when commenting on blogs. Of course I know we are all putting ourselves out there and deserve support rather than criticism. But I don’t always agree with everything my blog friends write, and I am never quite sure how frank to be in response to them. That’s a slightly different issue than commenting on clothes (or how someone signs their name), and I like to think that I can find a way to be honest about what I think without being rude or dismissive of what another blogger has said. But it’s a fine line…
Anyway, I’m rambling. Continue to distribute your bisous, Suzanne, I’d miss them if you left comments without any! xxx
I think it’s a lovely way to end a comment, and I hope you continue to do it. I know it made me happy to see it on my blog the other day. Peace be with you and yours. -Andrea
Quite late to this conversation, but wanted to say gah, I’m sorry a comment you left over on my blog brought snark to your doorstep, Suzanne. Clearly, though, you can hold your own against such small-mindedness. 😉