So my husband got sick early last week. And since I'm such a polite Canadian I did the only proper thing to do and joined him in his misery.
NOT
We're polite but not masochists. (Please realize that I can only speak for myself and my Pug, Zoe. It is normal that I speak for my Pug right?)
Despite my very best efforts trying to avoid his flu by;
throwing his food at him from the hallway,
communicating with him through my Hazmat suit,
making him sleep on the single bed in the guest room with plastic covering the entire room Dexter style,
Don't worry…I let him sleep on top of the plastic covered bed, not on the floor. I'm not cruel.
telling him to go to the bathroom outside or go to the neighbour's, (what? it's not that cold outside)
having a constant IV drip of hand santizer attached to my sleeve and using it so often that my hands now look like Madonna's. Actually maybe my hands looked like that already. (Silently weeping.)
it happened anyhow.
I know!
It only took me 4 days to catch this super flu.
Somehow looking back it feels like I could have tried harder ya know?
My body is very astute to the fact that I'm crazy a bit competitive and get bored easily so just to make it interesting it decided it would up the ante and add a few extras to the basic brutal flu;
a massive Fibromyalgia flare,
a migraine,
cramps,
sinusitis
and a little bit of asthma thrown in, just for good measure.
Now trying to juggle the right meds really keeps my fogged up fish brain guessing,
"Did I take one of those?
Maybe I should take another.
I don't remember.
Yeah yeah, I took one. In fact I think I took two.
Ummm…then why are you still coughing like a lifetime smoker and sounding like Kathleen Turner with one lung removed? (Not the sexy Kathleen Turner obvs. The one that sounds like the 80 year old trucker from Californication)
Take another one!
Do I dare???
It might shut down my kidneys!
This goes on and on and on until I'm completely physically exhausted (about 3 seconds later) and I have to lay down and try to forget all about it, close my eyes and try to sleep a bit.
Then 20 seconds later I open them and think, "Crap…I feel horrible, I can't sleep! Did I take my meds?"
Seriously though…
I'm letting you know I may be off my game a bit for a few more days. I had a couple of posts planned already but as far as checking all of your cool blogs I might be a bit absent.
Don't worry though.
Cause I still love you.
And I know that you would all notice right away if I hadn't been to visit your blog in a day or two and immediately
call the Ontario Police hot tips line,
call the Mounted Police horse tips line,
call Carrie Mathison on her private CIA line,
start a Facebook memorial page for me,
declare a worldwide state of emergency
call Olivia Pope.
(She knows how to dress and can fix anything…except her own life.)
I'm fully aware that I'm essential to the well being of your blogs and your state of mental health and without me and my witty comments life just doesn't seem
fair,
real,
anything like the dreams you had last night after overdosing on extra spicey cheese covered nachos and what was left of that bottle of merlot,
what your guidance councellor told you it would be like,
your sixth birthday party
.
And if this seems
random,
weird,
sarcastic
crazy
totally normal
I'm blaming it on the
two,
four,
eight,
twenty-five pills
and half bottle of cabernet I *think* I've ingested today.
Kidding!
I would never drink wine with pills.
I save the Grey Goose for the pills.
This message will self destruct when I take down my blog.
Oh my. This sounds awful. Thinking of you!
Hahaha! So THAT’s where you were! Was indeed missing you. And almost alarmed the Canadian Mounties;-).
LOL. No, it’s not funny that hubby and you are sick. Hope Zoe is still ok AND that she manages to get fed by you two zombies. No, not funny. But you and your post…..YES, you sure ARE funny! Hilarious even. How can you pull that of with a heavy flu. Must be that fun cocktail of fever, pills and vodka!
Get well, dear, both of you’s. Hugging you from here (safe!) and sending you kisses (still safe),
x
even sick, you’re hilarious! i hope you both feel better soon!
Ha Ha Ha! You ARE funny, even when you’re ill. And Anja’s right…Zoe must be fed even though you and hubby are wrapped in saran wrap.
Take care, get better, and remember, we are addicted to Friday’s Favs! No pressure…
How refreshing to see yiu still have a sense of humor! I would be CRANKY! And yes, i got a flu shot.
Get well soon! Xoxo
Awww. That totally sucks. And you tried SO HARD. Well, the only thing left to do is get stuck into a Breaking Bad marathon or some such thing. Maybe The Blacklist. I just started that one over here. It’s good.
You’re amazing!! You have such a great sense of humour even while being sick, and taking the time to write this funny post for us!
You always brighten my day and we would surly miss you if we don’t hear from you … so … get better real quick!!!
♥ carmen
Aw nuts! I hope you’re feeling better – both of you!
Literally the evening before I was leaving to visit my fam in NYC, my BF (who was just getting sick) sneezed IN MY FACE and literally the day after I got home, I was stricken sick! Ah, loved ones.
Okay that is pretty bad. At least you didn’t get sick till after your trip right? : )
I DID notice you were missing! Does that make me really pathetic or just a good internet friend?! So sorry you’re getting your ass kicked by the flu…rest and get well. And another strange commonality between us (besides fabulous hair) I also have fibromyalgia (or chronic fatigue syndrome depending on the doctor). Sucks, right? I’m beginning to suspect we were separated at birth…
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.blogspot.com
Ahhhh Suzanne you always make me laugh-except when I almost cried over your whole hospital experience. I’m with you sista. I’ve been under the weather, going through tests, feeling rotten and not able to keep up with blogging visits/comments/etc. Sometimes we just have to take a break right? I’m glad you are feeling better. Sorry to hear that using my ‘public hand’ and ‘private hand’ trick for cold/flu season didn’t work for you. 😉
xx, Heather
I am so sorry you are sick. I had it. It sucks. Your commentary about it is hilarious though. Oh my gosh you had me laughing.
Feel better soon!
Jenni
Oh man I feel for you!! At least you are keeping your sense of humor!!
Get better soon!!