This dress looks innocent enough right?
This is what I wore yesterday to the dentist’s office, errands, groceries, you get idea.
I chose it because it is super comfortable and easy to move in.
It was early when I left the house and not too hot outside. By the time I left the dentist it was around 28 C and our humidity was at 100%.
Somewhere in-between getting supplies at Michaels and getting t-shirts for my Etsy store I began to overheat.
Seriously.
As in…
“Call an ambulance…I’m about to spontaneously combust!”
Like I was wearing a high powered convention oven.
Soon only some ashes and Clark’s sandals would remain.
I tried mentally to cool myself down.
“It’s all in your head Suzanne. Really it is the middle of winter, -20 and freezing outside. Imagine you are laying on a big block of ice.”
A trickle of sweat rolled down my back and laughed at me.
I tried breathing exercises.
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
My face turned red(der).
I ripped off my belt. Everything from my mid boob to my waist was wet with perspiration.
“Well, I’m like my own sauna, I should be dropping pounds left and right!”
It was a feeble attempt to distract and cheer myself up.
I had a lightbulb moment!
(Thank you Oprah.)
I headed to Costco in a hurry.
I flashed my card at the entrance and navigated past the throngs of exhausted Mom’s and kids screaming,
“Can I have this Mom? Can I? Can I? Moooooom!“
I raced past the hungry crowds of food vultures in line for free samples of whatever crap it was they were peddling that day. Pre-wrapped mini bacon sausages anyone?
There were too many people in my way!
For a brief second I felt an impulse to just rip off my furnace dress right then and there.
Can you imagine? What would the guys wearing in the hair hats in the meat department think?
Just that thought discouraged any Costco nakedness.
I pushed past the people wandering aimlessly blocking the aisles for no apparent reason (seriously! if you’re not shopping or working…you shouldn’t be in the store). I narrowly missed colliding with two people that weren’t watching where they were going all the while silently screaming in my head,
“Out of my way! Can’t you see I’m gonna DIE?“
I had to get to the back of the store.
An oasis awaited me there.
You know what I’m talking about.
The place where on a normal day, you can see your breath and it is so cold you have to run in and run out just to grab some blueberries and asparagus.
The 40+ women’s sanctuary.
AKA the cold vegetable room.
Once inside I exhaled in relief. My solution was a success. I would live to see the end of the day.
I do not know how people in Florida manage. What is the secret Patti?
Obviously they’re not wearing polyester in summer. That is a death trap for woman over 40. There aren’t always Costco cold rooms to save the day.
I should have known because this dress has tried to kill me once before.
I’m either taking this to dress to consignment or putting a warning sticker on it, “Do NOT Wear unless temperature is 21 C or less.”
Does any of your clothing require warning stickers?
I mostly stay in the apartment, in my tank top and boxer shorts. No lie. But I really feel for you – the flashes I had in my 40’s were much stronger than the ones I get now — they do diminish, I promise. You coped well – rush to the coldest place in your city and don’t move. Breathe deeply, this will pass. Go home, change clothes and have a nice cold beer. xox
So funny ’cause it’s so true! Polyester will kill you. Early in my law career, I bought cheap suits ’cause I didn’t make much. Didn’t realize the difference material makes. On Summer days, I thought — like you — I was gonna die. And I was a healthy guy in his 20’s. So I sympathize. You tell this anecdote in your trademark comic style. Somebody should give you a TV show!
Polyester in summer is truly the devil’s fabric.
Oh man, how terrible. But you looked cute dying! I can’t stand polyester in my shirts at all. Especially anything I’m going to sleep in.
LOL super important to look cute dying ; P
I remember this happening to you before, can’t believe it’s the same dress 🙂 I think everyone should avoid polyester in the summer heat. I stick to cotton and silks in the summer to survive our hot summers.
I always struggle with dresses like these which would be perfect for summer (print, cut) but the fabric makes it not summer friendly so I end up only wearing them when it’s cooler.
Alice
http://www.happinessatmidlfie.com
I know that when I’ve been in California in the summer I do stick to cotton.
It seems that polyester dresses are on the rise, and like you, I most often wear them in-between seasons or when it is cooler outside.
I remember this happening to you before, can’t believe it’s the same dress 🙂 I think everyone should avoid polyester in the summer heat. I stick to cotton and silks in the summer to survive our hot summers.
I always struggle with dresses like these which would be perfect for summer (print, cut) but the fabric makes it not summer friendly so I end up only wearing them when it’s cooler.
Alice
http://www.happinessatmidlfie.com
That’s a gorgeous dress, reminds me of that incredible maxi you bought when you and Shelley went shopping.
I’ve forgotten what humidity like that feels like, I haven’t been to India pre-Monsoon for a couple of years. Its the hair that sticks to your back like seaweed I hate.
Definitely natural fibres all the way. I’d head to the wine fridge and stay there! xxx
Ha! The wine fridge : ) I never thought of that, although I have stuck my head in a home freezer for 15 minutes before just trying to sleep when we lived in Montreal. In fact I tried to sleep with my head on the shelf of the freezer. I couldn’t though. I seriously thought I was in hell at that point. It was the hottest most disgusting weather I’ve ever experienced, AND they also have worst winters. They have it all in Montreal! LOL
We even had to put our bird and dog in the tub to cool them down. That is the first time I realized how people and animals die from overheating.
Well, hot you might have been…but by golly you looked good! Back in Arkansas we had killer summers—near 100° degrees F and just about the same humidity. You HAVE to have airconditioning or fry. But, there’s a downside to that, too, you have to always have a sweater in your car because the restaurants, shopping centers, movies, etc. are freakin’ FREEZING!
Extreme heat is rarely a problem in France-on-the-border-of-Switzerland. But, when there IS a heatwave France doesn’t deal with it well. Last ‘canicule’ in 2003, almost 15,000 people died (yep, you read that right, little known fact). Although, they’ve gotten better since then, they give warnings and things now.
I can believe this because 95% of the people don’t own air conditioning. I can remember living in Nice and not being able to sleep at nice because of the heat.
In the movie Seven Year Itch Marilyn Monroe kept her undies in the fridge. I suppose you could have put yours in the frozen meat section, but someone might have bought them! Moving right along…
It seldom hits highs like that here but when it does I’m pretty much immobilized. Lee Valley Tools sells scarf things that will keep you cool for a while. They’re mainly for gardeners…
Hilarious post again, Suzanne. Bwa-ha-ha-ha. I’m glad that your overwhelming resourcefulness saved the day!
Ha! I do like the idea of underwear in the freezer though. I wonder if men would care for that idea? Shrinkage anyone?
The dress is far too good to get rid of, so yes, stick that warning label on it, and save it for cooler days! I don’t cope well with heat and humidity, and although I have nothing against vintage polyester frocks (I have plenty), cotton is the only fabric to wear in those conditions.
Stay cool, gorgeous! xxx
Have you tried stand up comedy, Suzanne, because really, you are too funny!! The secret is to carry a water bottle around at all times that is actually filled with ice! Then it doesn’t matter what clothes you are wearing! Although I might blame the belt more than the dress in this instance! jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Jodi I think you hit the nail on the head here. That belt was THE WORST! It might have been used as a dark ages torture device at some point.
Honestly, when the humidex gets over 30 degrees, I find that nothing is comfortable to wear (and I’m what is kindly referred to as a “heavy perspire(er?)” Polyester is especially bad, although I’ve found the jumpsuit I got in Portland to be pretty comfortable, and I think it’s a poly blend.
When the A/C comes on in my apartment (I don’t set the temperature), it’s like an icebox so on a really hot day, I hunker down on my couch with a book and a sweater 😉
Yep, best to stash that dress away for cooler days when you can wear it with a cardigan.
It would drive me nuts not being able to regulate the air conditioner in our house.
Your titles! They just double me over. Oh, you poor dear. At least you looked beautiful! 😉
You’re killin’ me…lol! It is a fab dress though so I’d keep it around and winterize it. 🙂
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
Funny you should mention this, I have a similar tale of woe posting tomorrow.
“Meet me in the 40+ women’s sanctuary.”
You and I will be hanging out in the frozen food section Anne : )
The other material I CANNOT wear in the warm weather is anything with spandex … or whatever they are calling the materials that stretch. OMG if I am lost in a blizzard I hope I am wearing the stuff but on a hot summer day? Forget it.
Very funny post! Well said and right on.
I can never figure out how all the celebrities wear Spanx to the award shows when it is 100 outside. That stuff is like a sweat box, and in the very worst possible place to be sweating!
Forget Florida… come see what it’s like in Texas! It suuuuuucksssss
It is funny since I always thought that Texas had a dry heat. I can see I was very wrong.
Well, it is cute, but yikes! Sounds like a dangerous dress 😉
Hahahaha! The Costco cold vegetable room! Only if you’ve been in it can you relate to the fact that it is the perfect place to go if you are flashing and in a polyester, non-breathing dress. Such a funny post, you made me laugh out loud. Despite the fact that you shouldn’t wear that dress on a warm day, it’s a great dress, and I love how you belted it. I will never see the cold vegetable room at my Costco in quite the same way. :))
Cherie
http://www.stylenudge.com
It’s too bad your dress is so dangerous, because it’s adorable. I love it with the belt. As I’m just starting to experience hot flashes, I appreciate the Costco tip. Great idea!
Either that or just eat ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. : P
So funny! The print of your dress is super nice!!! kisss
http://www.stylentonic.com
If I lived out by you I’d head to the nearest beach and take a dip in those crystal clear waters.
You are hilarious!!! I can’t believe that super cute dress could cause such a problem. Good thing you are a quick thinker! I try to avoid that area of Costco at all costs…it’s too cold for me!
Between almost getting naked at Costco and losing your shirt at another place…you are definitely someone I would want to go shopping with! We would have fun for sure!
Darlene
http://whosaprettygirl.com
I think we’d have fun together : )
I think I going to cancel my ticket…. You didn’t say anything about humidity. Do you know what that will do to my hair??? No just kidding. I will come and look ridiculous. Fortunately my hot flashes are long gone and I can stand polyester quite well in summer. Strange but true.
As for your story.. I killed mysekf laughing. I could so imagine you.
Greetje
Forgot to mention (again) that the dress is ever so nice. In spite of the polyester.
Ha ha! Well don’t worry about it too much. They don’t have it in BC. It is almost always lovely and fresh there due to the ocean. Ontario and Quebec is the worst place for humidity in Canada.
The dress is very pretty, but yes, put that sticker on it! I refuse to wear polyester because of personal overheating situations that can happen in any weather. I wear cotton most of the time though that has a downside too. On warm days I am generally damp all day. TMI? You are so funny and I am still waiting for the Suzanne Carillo show on tv. xoxoxo
That is true that it doesn’t have to happen in summer. Winter is awful when you have 3 layers on and then go into a store.
Once I was supposed to be on TV for my scrapbooking company and I got so nervous I had to hire someone else to do it. I despise seeing or hearing myself on video. That makes me think I need to vlog to force myself to move past those fears.
Well you certainly LOOK cool. I was walking down a sweltering sidewalk one day with sweat pouring down my front. My hair was actually perspiration-ally wet. I ducked into one of those cheap teen-age stores and bought a little tent dress and changed into it right then and there. Best $21 I ever spent.
That was like the other time I wore this dress and it tried to kill me. I stopped in a thrift store and bought myself a silk dress to change into. I couldn’t agree more with you that it was the best $ ever spent.
I am sorry you had to go though that – it’s funny to read, but I am not laughing, really, I feel for you. I think you had a wonderful idea to go near the cool chamber. If that ever happens to me – people say it does happen to any woman – I hope I remember your advice of the cool chamber, if I am near a supermarket. But it won’t be so soon, I suppose and hope, cause the feeling I had just by reading your experience was not nice, it is like an urge to dive in a swimming pool! Well, the dress may have caused it, but it’s lovely! I love colorful pieces and I think you look fabulous!
DenisesPlanet.com
hahaa, this was such a funny post!
That dress is like poisonous flowers and frogs. Colorful and eye-catching…but lethal. I love the print and palette, so I too would have purchased it, ignorant to its curse. I had a similar experience over the weekend. We went hiking and spent the day out on the pontoon, and I got way more sun that I could handle. For some reason, I experience lethargy and stomach aches if I’m out too long in the sun. Food and drinks make it worse, especially if we’re talking salty snacks and beer…which we were pontooning, so of course that was the case. I was wearing a dress with an elasticized waist, and it was searing into my stomach, making me feel all the sicker. I went to my suitcase and realized I’d only packed dresses with elasticized waists. Lesson learned. Next time I’m out in the sun, I’m wearing a sheet with a hole cut in the middle to pull over my head. Full skin coverage, no digging into my stomach, and no fashion sense either. Great. I’ll definitely have to blog that look. lol
<3 Liz
http://www.withwonderandwhimsy.com
I want in on the sheet with the hole in the middle idea! LOL You will have started a new craze Liz!
I do think though that my belt made this much worse.
I feel for you, and I cannot wait to see that look on your blog. Yes…that is a dare!
Hilarious…for us to read!! I can’t wear polyester most of the time. But I will remember about the costco room next time I overheat!!
You’d never know by these beautiful photos that you suffered through this ordeal. That’s a killer dress!!
Happy summer!
♥ carmen
Killer is the right word Carmen : )
Haha-Costco saves the day! That cold room is infamous in my house-my kids hate it, but I can see it’s benefits. Way to think on your toes 😉 LOVE the dress!
I normally hate it as well. Not that day : )
LOL! Love this dress, serious, except for its furnice inducing qualities!
I have been know to go to the frozen section in stores when was going though the change, and now that that is over, I am on steroids… so I am always hot, (except when I am freezing) so I feel you!
Love the printed dress,, and belt, stunning colors.
such fun to read! hope you are cool now.
xx, Elle
http://mydailycostume.com
beautiful dress,next time you have that problem i definitely want to be there
I was reading this post with my husband (who decided to ditch the TV and sit next to me.. must be bored, LOL!) and even he laughed out loud to this story of yours! Bummer, especially when the dress is really pretty (the bag too!) In summer, I try to avoid anything silky, the kind of fabric that stick to your damp skin when you sweat.. NOT pretty when that happens. Here in Dubai every indoor space has to be air conditioned, even the toilets! I was thinking the other day, what will happen if there were to be a black-out? I’ve been here a decade but have never experienced one but what if it was to happen now when outside is 45 degrees? That’d be a nightmare!
Ha ha! Glad he liked it as well : )
I could not even begin to imagine the heat over there. My husband said they only went outside at night, but he also said it was a dry heat, so easier to manage than humid heat.
It definitely has been hot here too! I have had a few of those days where I just can’t take it anymore. I find when I wear a belt on hot days it is way worse, as for some reason it loves to hold in heat! The wide belts are the worst! LOL! I think your dress looks gorgeous and the pattern is so pretty but it should come with a warning label! LOL! Glad Costco saved you!
Rebecca
http://www.winnipegstyle.ca
I agree about the belt. They are like wearing little stomach ovens.
Lmfao. There, there! 😀 That dress is wonderful. The colors are so vibrant! I’m glad you were able to keep the dress on! ;P
– Anna
http://www.melodicthriftychic.com
The heat, the heat….!! I’ve had to give away most of my polyester dresses and tops – I just can’t wear them anymore 🙁 Love your story today and thank goodness for Costco!
The weather you describe is basically what we have in Singapore. Every. Day. Only hotter (in Singapore, that is). So yes, I know the overheated ‘I’m about to explode’ feeling very well.
The answer is: airco, airco, more airco, taking it slow and dressing as light as possible.
Love your dress and the way you styled it. I really do; what a fab dress!
This post had me laughing so hard! Cudos to you for thinking about going to the grocery store — I would have started undressing and wiping sweat in the middle of the street, not thinking about where I was. I really love your vintage dress, though. Too bad it’s so “sweaty”! Living in Norway, it’s never too hot to wear anything. A bigger problem is what not to wear in winter — layers of wool and breatheable materials are your best friends!
Anett | Tall Girl’s Fashion
There’s always something at Costco right? Your hair managed to stay perfect despite the heat so not all gone bad. Happy cooling off!