Many of you might have seen this t-shirt that is currently making the rounds on some over 40 fashion bloggers like Tamera.
While it looks fab on Tamera (she has such wonderful dramatic artistic style) I don’t know that I would want to wear it.
Why?
Because I haven’t admitted to myself that I’m old.
Sure I’ll admit to being “old-er” or “old-ish” but out-and-out old? Nope.
The reason? The definition of old is relative.
When I was sixteen old was anything over thirty. In fact if you’d asked me at that time I was so naive I would have told you that my life would be over at thirty. Literally. Nothing good happened after thirty. Life was boring, difficult and depressing. Yeah I was “one-of-those” people. But in all fairness I didn’t think about growing old at all at that time. I just lived how I wanted. Without fear. Without regret. We all believe we are immortal at that age.
When I was twenty-five old was anything over thirty-nine. Because…obviously…after that was the big four-oh and life as I knew it would never be recognizable after that milestone.
Well forty came and went a while back.
My head didn’t fall off, my waist didn’t balloon and I didn’t start wearing polyester pants with non-descript oversized blouses. It’s a miracle!
Now that I’m forty-eight old is anything over sixty. (Sorry to those of you over sixty! It’s not personal, it’s just my perception.)
As you can see… the concept of old is ever extending the older I become.
I’m sure when I’m seventy I’ll think that only people over ninety are old. When I’m ninety, if we follow my logic, old people will be the ones that are… dead.
Which brings me back to the t-shirt and why I doubt I’ll ever want to wear it.
My mind will never want to admit that I’m old even if I am. Advertising the fact on a t-shirt is out of the question.
Is it because “old” has always been considered negative? Probably. Okay…if I’m being really honest…undoubtably.
When you’re young “the world is your oyster.”
When you’re old ummm…. what is the opposite of “the world is your oyster”?
“You’re running out of time?”
I’ve never heard someone call someone else an “old woman” or “old man” and mean it as a compliment.
Remember when you were a kid and just wanted to be older?
“When I grow up I’m going to be…”
“I can’t wait to be old enough to…”
“When I’m older I’m going to… make my own decisions, be independent, do whatever I like!”
Then you passed whatever the legal drinking age is where you live and suddenly it was no longer about getting to be old “enough” to do whatever you want. It was just about getting old. Life sped up. With each passing year it feels like the seasons are shorter. The remaining years are whizzing by at warp speed.
The Rolling Stones understood it all too well when they sang the opening lyrics from Mother’s Little Helper “What a drag it is getting old.”
Lots of crappy things come with old age. Health issues. Physical changes in our appearance. Loss of those we love. The understanding that we aren’t infallible and that there is a finite end to all things. It’s depressing.
Oh sure…there is the alternative to growing old.
Death.
I’ve been reading lots lately about the acceptance of aging. Honouring our wrinkles, scars, sagging skin as badges of a life well lived.
Yes we’ve been lucky enough to make it thus far. Yes we’ve proven we are resilient.
But are we truly happy about getting old?
The fact of the matter is we don’t have a choice. We are forced to accept aging. Even if we hate it. Which makes me wonder if everyone writing about how they love aging is simply a way of making lemonade from lemons. It doesn’t do one any good to rail against the inevitable. Why not embrace it? Make it your own…pretend like you wanted it to happen all along?
That’s the appeal of the t-shirt.
Old is the new gold. Old is cool, old is chic…everyone wants to be old. Ha ha. Yeah right.
No one wants to be old…but we are all going to end up there.
I suppose the true badge of honour would be that we’ve escaped death up until this point in our lives. That is what is great about getting old. Death hasn’t caught up to us yet.
When exactly can I expect that understanding and willful acceptance of aging to “kick in”?
Does it happen for everyone?
When do I suddenly get past caring? And will it feel like I’ve surrendered?
I strongly believe that inside every old person there is a young person asking themselves WTF happened.
That is the t-shirt I’d wear.
WTF happened?
Well said. I am 54 – how the HELL did that happen – and I haven’t the least bit of interest in getting older.
And somewhere in my mind I am still 17 and looking forward to my “life starting”. It’s an interesting trip. Let me know when you get those t-shirts printed up. I want one. 🙂
You are a really good writer and I enjoy your blog very much!
Thanks Liz …From one 17 year old to another ; )
Nobody *wants* to be old, if it means the loss of beauty, power, visibility and energy. But most of us don’t want to die yet. It’s a gradual acceptance, I think, of all the changes. If I woke up at magical age 29 and felt like I feel right now, I’d head to the Emergency Room. But it truly does get easier to live fully when we’re old. To let go of so many of the struggles, to slow down and have that second cup of tea. I can tell you that 49 was much harder for me than 59 has been. And I’m not dead yet. Stay fabulous, my beautiful friend, it has no boundaries. xox
PS: make sure we have time for a glass of wine together in Vancouver, and you can tell me everything – I’m a trained professional! : >
I’m happy to hear it gets easier. I’m taking your word for it Patti!
I want to sit in on that conversation!
I’m 41 and I don’t think I’m old. Some people do and I am always surprised by that! Sure, I feel old some days, but I never think I am! The world is your pearl???
Age is certainly relative.
I feel exactly the same way! I already know I am old, why advertise it if I can get away with people thinking I am younger than I am? I am not ashamed of my age….I just don’t want to admit that I am old like how I used to view my parents.
Alice
http://www.happinessatmidlife.com
It is true if we don’t come out and advertise our age most of the time people guess we are younger. I don’t want to disappoint them! LOL
Um…I totally wanted that t-shirt, until I found out how much it cost! lol 😉
Darlene
http://whosaprettygirl.com
Of course the goal posts of what is considered old move as time goes by – not just for us as individuals, but culturally too, I think. And no, even now, “old” is rarely a compliment – although it should be. The women wearing the t-shirt are reclaiming some positive connotations for age – wisdom, style, no-fucks-to-give confidence. I don’t especially want one either, but for different reasons; not because I don’t want to advertise my advancing age (51 in a couple of months) since my face does that for me anyway, but simply because I don’t like slogan t-shirts, or bandwagons, and also it’s expensive!
All the things you associate with getting old can happen to anyone, at any age. Loss, illness, not liking how you look, a sense of fallibility. I have a daughter with a disfiguring skin condition; she knows what it’s like to have difficulties with her health and looks, and she’s 9. Age is just another stick to beat ourselves with, and I simply refuse to do it. Wtf happened? Life did – and thank goodness for that! xxx
LOVE this comment Curtise. You are such a great no BS woman. I have to make a poster of this for my office. WTF happened? Life
As you know, I am OLD!
My “OLD IS THE NEW BLACK” T-shirt is a tongue in cheek reference to chicness.
The urban dictionary describes it this way:
The new fad, trend, or style of the moment.
Background: Since black is always in style in the fashion industry, saying something is “the new black” means that it is the hottest new thing. This phrase can be used to call out the “coolness” of anything, it’s not just limited to the fashion world.
Now I have no idea what the reference is about OLD BEING THE NEW GOLD is, but I’m sure the desighner does 🙂
At 48, I felt old, at 58 I am old. I’m not saying my arthritis doesn’t suck or I love the wrinkles on my face, I’m making a statement of pride in accepting my age.
I know WTF happened to me that got me to my age….LIFE!
Perhaps life isn’t an oyster at almost 59, but I have many beautiful pearls to enjoy from the experiences and life I have lived, and continue to live.
xoxo
Jennifer
Old is the new gold would refer to gold as it coveted by everyone, with a very high monetary value. So it would infer that you are valued.
The expression “to be golden” would mean that you are at the top of your game.
You and Curtise had the same response to this which I love.
I have mixed feelings about these T-shirts… on one hand, I refuse to be ashamed of my age (turning 50 in a bit over a month), and I hate comments like ‘you look good for your age’ or ‘you can’t be that old’… on the other hand, age should not even be an issue, certainly not something I need to advertise by wearing a T-shirt. It’s a bit ‘look at me, I’m so brave, I may be old but I’m still stylish and wear what I want’… I want a T-shirt that says ‘if you think I’m (too) old to do (insert you choice here), it’s your problem, not mine’ or something… And I do want to get old (my mother died a week before her 55th birthday…), and I plan to remain beautiful. Beauty has nothing to do with age, it’s our perception that needs to change. And I fully plan to live recklessly and have fun when I’m ‘old’ because I was never care-free when I was young. What I mean is, I plan to finally learn to be reckless and care-free, it doesn’t come naturally, so I need time to practice…
I could teach you how to be reckless and have fun ; )
My dearest Suzanne, I’m sure so many people will want to share your sentiment here. Not everyone wants to be “forever young”, but perhaps it would be a right thing to assume that most of people want. Sagging skin or boobs or whatever is really not the worst thing that happens to us human beings. Sagging spirit, that is what’s really sad. And that happens at any age, just like health issues, death, loss, disappointments and fears. The key to what you said about your youth is “I had no fears”. Some people as they get older gather more and more fears along the way. Others choose not to. And there are plenty of young people who are so full of fears – they are deeply depressed and paralyzed with life. Young, successful and beautiful people kill themselves because they fear life is empty and pointless. And the beauty of life is not in the fact that we are not dead yet. It’s in the simple fact that we do have a choice – to live life fearfully, or to choose less fears, little by little, every day less fear and more love and acceptance. That is the meaning of freedom – in our ability to choose. And yes, it much more often comes to people as they are getting older, than the other way around. That is I believe what’s this T-shirt is all about. With love xxx
It is true that fear controls us.
Wonderful insightful comment Natalia. Something I’ve come to expect from you.
No, I wouldn’t wear that tee shirt either. Like Curtise so wisely said, my face already advertises the fact. I’m not into logos, spending indecent amounts of money on clothes or wearing something other people have. I can agree with the sentiment though.
I don’t truly think anyone wants to get old but its a hell of a lot better than the alternative. We may as well accept the inevitable and make the best of it.
Yes, I’ve had a hip replacement and lost both my parents (Dad’s advanced state of dementia certainly feels like death). I look like crap after a night on the booze and there’s nobody left who remembers me as a child but I still love life and do pretty much the same as I’ve done for years – travel, go to festivals, get drunk during the day, tear up the dance floor at night. I wear bikinis in public, flirt with men and laugh like a drain. I might look my 48 years but I certainly don’t feel it. xxx
You are one of the youngest 48 year olds I know!
Aging is such a funny thing. I think, really, you get to (x years) and realize it is still a journey. Maybe one you aren’t always happy with all the choices that got you there (the inner young person asking “WTF happened to you, man?” or the person looking back and saying “Man, that was a stupid choice to make.”). I don’t think of myself as old, but now that we are looking at starting a family, it is weird to realize I’ll be X years old by the time a baby is all grown up and looking at college (which, you know, finances do get impacted which is weird to think about, since Baby is all hypothetical)…. my mom took a stance I loved though. She said “When I turn fifty, I’m just not going to care what people think anymore.” And, while I think that is a good stance to take at any time, it was interesting because it turned it back into the way kids view things- aging as something to look forward too. And once she turned fifty, she didn’t care and did what she loved.
Anyway, waaaay too much rambling. Loved you post; it make me think.
I think the “getting past caring” is a hurdle for me. It feels too much like surrendering.
How exciting you’re thinking about a family!
I think what you’re saying we all feel and that IS normal. How we deal with it is up to each individual. Like everything else in life, it won’t be approached by everyone in the same way; you just have to find out what works for you. Having turned 50 recently, it’s made me think more about these coming years and how I want to spend them, indeed how I want to spend each day. Maybe an awareness and appreciation of time, a prioritizing if you will, is one of the positives to aging as we start to focus on what is TRULY important.
As you know Suzanne, I work full time and travel regularly for work, including to PlaP. I am 63. I love your blog and fashion; but there came a time in my life when I felt it was just more appropriate to begin to look ahead to being older rather than keeping my back turned on it. I am not old in the sense that I am infirm or demented. But I am my age and it is what it is. I really don’t care about the wrinkles, I just make the best of what I have, as I always have done. When I told a group of my friends my age they had a hard time believing me.
You are beautiful and you have a slim and graceful figure. You are not old and you never will be. Just keep being yourself. That’s what counts. Everyone has that soft tender spot, but really, just reframing it works.
My friends and I love your blog. We read it every day.
Thanks Jane. I’m delighted you enjoy the blog. 90% of the time it is just me rambling on about whatever.
I need to think more about what you wrote and reframing my thoughts.
Thanks for such an honest insightful comment. This is truly the intangible gift that blogging brings me.
oh Suzanne! You are so funny. Since I am 62 and you are 48 {btw, didn’t think that in the least, more like 35 ish} I can deliver this quote by my Mom.
“It doesn’t matter how old your friends are because by the time you are 30, all your friends can be any age and everyone just gets along.”
So I don’t care if the WHOLE WORLD knows my age. I just don’t tell the whole world wide web when my birthday is. hahahahaha.
Well written and inspiring. I don’t think I would wear Tamara’s t-shirt cuz I don’t like gold {I prefer silver, have for about for over 50 years} So perhaps my t-shirt would say:
“Old is the new Silver” scribed in Silver no less. lol
♥renae
Well I NEVER in a million years would have guessed that is your age woman! Seeing all of these vibrant wonderful women in their 60’s is so inspiring.
So true. Accurate observations. I didn’t mind being middle-aged but when cashiers ask me now if I want the Senior Discount, I go a little nuts. WHAT?!! I LOOK THAT OLD?!!!
It hasn’t happened to me yet…but when it does…I know I’m going to freak out.
My Grandpa, who’s 71, whenever he’s dealing with pain or something due to aging (like his heart attack and subsequent surgery a couple years ago) will tell me, “Never get old, Rachel, never get old.” But I still see him out and about, doing what he loves to do and what he’s good at, just a little slower now due to health. We don’t know how many years we have, so we make the most of them. I don’t know what my definition of old is at the moment. Angel’s 30 and he doesn’t seem old at all. My Mom’s 44 and I swear she’s younger now than when I was a kid…
Well you know what they say, “Old age isn’t for sissies.” But of course the alternative isn’t much of an alternative.
Your Mom sounds like super woman!
You should make that tshirt – and I will buy one.
I have had mixed feelings about those t-shirts every since I first saw them on Ari Cohen’s blog (they are a collaboration between Advanced Style and Fannie Karst. I like the sentiment behind “Old is the New Black” but I’m not going to pay $50 for a t-shirt that proclaims it. I’ve never lied about my age, and while there are times when acknowledging I’m in my 50’s stings a bit, I like the me that I am at this age, and the majority of my close friends are all older than I am.
I don’t think it’s so much that we don’t want to get old. Personally, I have become a more emotionally grounded, positive, and tolerant person as I’ve aged, and I think many people have found themselves feeling much more comfortable in their own skin with the passing of the years. I think we don’t want to deal with the negativity that society directs towards the word “old” and the aged population, or the fears that come with aging – the fear of losing one’s independence (physical and financial), of being left alone when partners and friends die, of illness and disability. These things can happen to a person at any age, but the chances are much greater as one ages. As many people have pointed out, death is the other option and as long as I can enjoy my life, I want to keep living it.
You were very lucky to live your youth without fear (so many of us didn’t), and al long as you stay true to yourself, you will be still be the intelligent, creative, attractive woman you are when in your 60’s, you’ll just be older.
I love the quote by outsider artist Sue Kreitzman that was recently seen on Ari Cohen’s blog: “here’s the truth, I am not really an old lady, just cleverly disguised as one”.
I ADORE that quote!
Brilliant article Suzanne. I so agree with you. I still feel so YOUNG. It’s only the aging aches and pains that remind me that I’m getting older. (oh and my son who delights in reminding me on a regular basis). Let’s stay young forever. In fact that is my idea for a t-shirt: YOUNG FOREVER! I think I will go and design it right now!
Great idea, Syl!
I’ve been wanting to comment for days, but just now found the time. I love the range of opinions about aging that have been expressed in response to your beautifully written post. At the age of 72 there is no denying that I’m in the last phase of life. I’ve seen death up close and personal, and have witnessed the mystery of that passage. It seems to have enhanced my focus on the here and now. It has been a gradual process and I embrace the life that I have been given.
The Advanced Style Movement has given me much hope and has provided role models that I would not know about if it were not for Ari’s work. To see women in their 90’s and older enjoying life, living fully and throwing caution to the wind gives a perspective that is available only through the internet. It appears that our culture is slowly changing. Most importantly, I have changed in that I now believe, most of the time, that my crone hands are as beautiful as those of a 20 year old. Just different. This view is not shared by most, but if I live my life with this belief, it affects most everything that I do. My health. My relationships. My perspective on everything!
Thanks for the post Suzanne!
I loved reading these reflections, Suzanne. One of our dear friends turned 30 this year, and he had a very hard time with it. Not because 30 is old, but because he’s not where we wanted to be at 30. Through talking with him and encouraging him to reflect on his successes, Kyle and I started talking about getting older, too. We’re watching our grandparents struggle with the mental and physical strains of old age. We’re watching our moms and dads selflessly care for their parents as they themselves move closer to retirement. And we’re realizing that we’ve been a team for over 11 years, since we were just 17 – kids. And now we’re independent adults, and like you said, WTF happened?
I think anytime we step back and reflect on how much time as passed, we’re left wondering how the heck we got here. I don’t think anyone wants to admit they’re old, because, like you said, what does that mean? You’re running out of time? What a terrible mindset for living your life. I think everyone wants to believe the world is still their oyster, no matter how old they are. Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!
<3 Liz
http://www.withwonderandwhimsy.com
You are right, even when we get very old, we always think of others as being old. And we feel 34 (my ideal age). But lately, there is no denying anymore, I am getting old. 61 now. The suddenly bulging waist is already behind me (started in my late 50ies and happened within one year. As you know I had it sucked.) Thre is no sucking or tucking to help me anymore. That is what we call in Dutch: mopping with the tap wide open LOL.
As it is inevitable (as you acknowledge), I have come to not care anymore. I am happy, I have a terrific life, enough money, a nice jib, loads of frinds, a caring and loving husband with a lot of humor. Why would I waist my time being not happy about Aging? There are so many nasty things which cannot happen to me any more, there are so many things I have established and acquired. I am fine! I would wear the T-shirt: Old is the new black, but the neckline is not flattering for me. I will have to wait until they bring other designs on the market.
Greetje
Sorry fir the typos.
Hey Suzanne, i currently abandoned my blogging projects because I didn’t feel they were going in the right direction, but the aging thing is the reason why i didn’t want to label my blog as ‘over 30,40’ etc…yet i find myself reading yours and others in the network over and over, even tho i’m not in the age group (yet) ! Anyway will keep you posted when my new blog is born, hope you’ll visit xxx from Antwerp
Hey Suzanne, i currently abandoned my blogging projects because I didn’t feel they were going in the right direction, but the aging thing is the reason why i didn’t want to label my blog as ‘over 30,40’ etc…yet i find myself reading yours and others in the network over and over, even tho i’m not in the age group (yet) ! Anyway will keep you posted when my new blog is born, hope you’ll visit xxx from Antwerp
Hey Suzanne, i currently abandoned my blogging projects because I didn’t feel they were going in the right direction, but the aging thing is the reason why i didn’t want to label my blog as ‘over 30,40’ etc…yet i find myself reading yours and others in the network over and over, even tho i’m not in the age group (yet) ! Anyway will keep you posted when my new blog is born, hope you’ll visit xxx from Antwerp
Ageing sucks, with it’s characteristics like getting fatter, hanging skin everywhere, deminishing beauty and moreover: illnesses and more and more (physical) limitations. And then I did not even mention people around you getting sick and eventually die. Nothing of that is uplifting nor desirable.
But -as many others have mentioned above- getting old aka being and staying alive is a blessing. So far, that is. Turning 59 next week and I feel young often enough;-).
I can imagine that if pain, limitations, loss and suffering become overwhelming, that one’s perception of life as a blessing changes.
When I was 8 – 20, I felt old. So old. I think that in my forties and fifties I felt younger than in my teens. Isn’t that weird?