Suzanne Carillo

I would eat until the fear of exploding forced me to lay down.

Years ago, an eleven course tasting menu in Prince Edward Island was the apex of my overeating. The chefs were so impressed with our ability to eat that they offered us additional free late night sandwiches to take home with us after the almost five hour meal. We politely declined the offer while nursing our aching bellies. As practicing hedonists our affinity towards tasting menus was eclipsed only by our love of wine pairing menus which meant alcohol was paired with each course. Alcohol made the gluttony stomachache easier to endure but could make the challenge of rising from the table problematic. 

Things I Loved When I was Younger That I Dislike Now

Overeating 

If I overeat now I feel gross. The maximum size of tasting menu that would interest me now would be three courses but honestly we prefer to share two mains between us and one dessert. 

Nowadays, after a day of overeating, the chubby food baby appears much faster and no longer leaves after a day or two.  She overstays her welcome and can stick around for years.  On top of the “Belly Food Baby” a couple of “Food Baby Twins” snuggle up around my hips and thighs while hanging out with the “Belly Baby”.  They all steadfastly refuse to move on.

At the age of fifty-three just the thought of overeating to such extreme makes me turn a little green and begin to sweat, although almost anything can make me sweat now thanks to my erratic, raging hot flashes.

Over Drinking

I stopped all alcohol over four years ago due to allergies. My husband stopped drinking over three years ago.  We don’t regret it. 

In the past, at the age of twenty-one, when I briefly lived in Hawaii, I began my day with a couple of Bartles and Jaymes wine coolers.  My friends and I would sleep on the beach till late afternoon and ease into Long Island Iced Teas at happy hour. I wouldn’t stumble home to the condo until around three in the morning after a full night of partying and dancing.  I don’t know how my body survived the abuse.

Those days of eating and drinking binges are behind me. My body can no longer cope with such excess.  In fact my overall joy of eating and drinking has eroded over the years. I’d far sooner spend money on a trip or an experience than a restaurant.

Over Shopping & Shopping Retail

I’m ashamed to say that in the past I was chronic retail shopper. I didn’t care where I shopped, I just wanted to find the coolest stuff at the best price. My closet was already full but that didn’t quench my desire to consume.  After a full day of shopping, still intoxicated with the dopamine rush from buying,  I’d pile the bags of just purchased clothing onto my bed so I could admire my bounty.  I’d try on each piece, modeling it for my husband while gushing about my shopping prowess.  He was happy I was happy but the thrills from shopping don’t last long and I’d be jonesing for my next purchase within days. It took me years to learn that it didn’t matter how much I bought, I’d always be seeking the next buyer’s high. 

I’ve given up shopping retail except for some footwear, socks and underwear.  If I have a gift card to spend I won’t let it go to waste but otherwise I steer clear of malls and shops.  The thrill of acquiring new has been replaced by the guilt of turning the planet into a massive garbage dump. Unlike what Gordon Gekko stated, Greed Is Not Good. Greed is destroying our only home. 

I no longer over shop for my own closet. I do shop used and thrift every couple of weeks to stock my Etsy store. It is true that sometimes the lines between my store and my closet blur but I now find that too much of anything makes me stressed. Keeping inventory for my shop has taught me how to value the pieces that make my heart sing and let go of so many others that were simply space holders until something better came along. 

Living For Today Without Thinking About Tomorrow

In the past I never spent time worrying about what tomorrow would bring. I was living in the present. I didn’t make plans and I didn’t save money. I dropped out of university to travel and experience life while working odd jobs across Europe. I met my husband on one such excursion. This is the carefree mentality that youth allows.

I still like to live for today but we’ve had a few scary wake-up calls this past year regarding health and physical abilities.  I discovered I can no longer continue assuming that everything will always be alright. Having adequate insurance in place is no longer an option, it is a necessity.  

I still believe in living for today but I’ve come to realize that the older I get the more I need to plan for tomorrow.  

To some it may seem like I have waited far too long to come to these realizations and to others it will seem like I’m overreacting. I can only base my decisions on my personal life experiences. We all arrive at our choices in our own time. 

What things did you love when you were younger that you dislike now?

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