Suzanne Carillo

So I came across this …

"To Summarize I personally feel a “fashion” blogger now exists a dime a dozen and with selfies, and OOTDs and pushing for brands & endorsements, there is nothing authentic about them. A true fashion blogger in MY opinion is someone who writes ABOUT fashion, is well researched and presented and has a firm understanding of branding and marketing. " – Pearls & Sequence Rashi B.

Which got me to thinking that I need to stop calling myself a fashion blogger. Even personal style blogger.

Blogger is better.

Yeah I sometimes write about fashion…but I'm not constantly researching fashion.

Initially I did. Then I became so overwhelmed by the vastness of the never ending rabbit hole of fashion business and over-consumption.

Marketing and consumption. Drowning in it.

The more that I read and saw the sicker I got.

The latest trends, the must-have-items, the new "it" bag. What happened to yesterday's must haves? Only a few months old?

Then I got hooked on vintage clothing. Something with history. A piece of clothing that was valuable enough to last through the decades. I wanted the clothing to mean something. Have that earned value associated with age.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older and can personally relate to the idea of "out-with-the-old in-with-the-new."

Am I soon-to-be tossed out? Discarded like last year's "it" bag? No longer relevant in the cycle of life?

Who is the clog in the wheel deciding what is "in" and what is "out"? What has value and what no longer does?

Nothing tangible in life has intrinsic value.

Value is created as the reflection cast by the light of our own desire upon something.

For bloggers value should not be directly associated with novelty, youth, money or success.

In life I believe value should be earned. Acquired through hard work, difficult times, regrets and dreams lost. Through sheer determination to continue on despite the world around you. At that point you've earned your value.

That is me in the spiffy red and blue ensemble.

What kind of blogger are you?

Do you let others (marketing, branding, etc) dictate to you what is of value?

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I've noticed this week that I'm stuck.

I have a very long list of things I want to do, projects I want to start but I can't seem to actually begin any of them.

It seems that every time my husband travels for work I think I'm going to finally tackle some projects on my own. You know, the annoying ones that you don't really want to do, but know that you should.

Then he leaves and I start to analyze those projects.

They start to feel complicated and cumbersome.

I start to doubt that I can do a good job, or finish the projects once I start them.

It becomes overwhelming.

The fear of failing or not completing the project paralyzes me.

How do I move past the feeling of self doubt?

Challenging myself has become more difficult as I age.

Before I didn't think about falling.

I just jumped.

Now I can stand for hours looking over the edge. Thinking about all the things that can go wrong.

I've got loads of great creative ideas, but no longer the energy to carry them through.

In my head I defeat myself before I begin.

Is it the wisdom acquired through aging that tells me this will inevitably be harder than I think? More frustrating that I want? More time consuming that I'm prepared for?

One of these "projects" is to re-tile our fireplace.

I ripped the tiles down (well they all rained down on me in one big heavy loud heap damaging part of our hardwood floor) the other night when I decided I'd finally had enough of them.

Now I know where the saying, "heavy as a ton of bricks" comes from.

Part of the brick tiles had fallen off earlier this year on their own and there was a large rectangle exposing the wall beneath taunting me every time I went into the kitchen/family room.

I grew to despise that white rectangle.

It symbolized all of our house maintenance that had been adding up over the 7-8 years basically giving me the finger.

Neither of us are skilled or "handy" when it comes to house maintenance or renovations. It is like going to the dentist for us.

Getting professionals in to do the job is outragiously expensive.

This skirt reminds me of the fireplace.