First off thank you for all your kind thoughts and comments. Please accept a big hug from my heart!
It is good to be missed and know that I am not just writing to a large anonymous void here in the blogosphere.
It has been a bit of a struggle this past week since my ER visit. I will admit that I have been depressed about the whole thing. Although I have had fibromyalgia for many years and a very bad back since my early 20's I have always been able to bounce back and not really feel like I've lost total control of my body.
This time it has been different.
This is the first time I've ever cancelled a trip due to illness. The Dr. I saw this week told me not to plan any trips.
I've taken planes before with 3 hot packs strapped to my back and a fist full of pain meds. I've spent hours on the floor in my hotel room trying to ease the pressure on my herniated disc. I've even "shuffled" with Robert's help to my favourite hiking spot on the BC coast while my back was in full muscle spasm.
In the past I refused to let my back or my fibromyalgia ever stop me from travelling.
In case you didn't notice already I can be kind of stubborn.
I'm trying to remain upbeat about not needing to cancel the other 2 trips we had planned this summer. One was to Alberta for a large family reunion in a few weeks and the other was to NYC. We have tried to reschedule our France trip for Sept.
I do have an appointment with a specialist next week and hope that I will have a plan of action and better idea as to the diagnosis, prognosis and any possible surgeries.
In the meantime I am trying to get back to a more "normal" life. My girlfriend and I even got together and ran yesterday which really did make me feel a bit better. Thanks Hazel!
I am very thankful for the support network of family and friends that I have. I really do appreciate you.
I don't know how on earth to segway this into an outfit post, but that's what it is, since I'm trying to get back to some of my normal activities now.
I bought this dress at a consignment store. It is the brand Maeve, often sold through Anthropologie. I seem to have a homing device on me that will locate any Anthropologie brands in any consignment store I go into.
I had the belt already, it was bought from H&M years ago.
Oh yes it has pockets! : ) I don't know why I am obsessed with them but I am. Often times I won't buy a dress because it is lacking pockets.
Here is to more "back-to-normal" fun and fashion and less of the sicky sick.
Jan Graham-McMillen says
I’m sad for you, and know how frustrating these attacks are. Certainly no accident that it all gangs up on you just when you are about to have a good time. I’m not sure what the connection is, but even good physical stress seems to bring on attacks for me, or has in the past.
I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupas in 1990, but it’s been in remission for a long time. I’ve been so lucky there, (knock on wood.) I also had an extruded disc that was painful for a very long time.
One of the most frustrating part of these issues, as with fibromyalgia is that they don’t SHOW.
“Wow … you don’t look sick …” Makes me want to act out in inappropriate ways, ya know?
I imagine you might identify with this: folks with casts, crutches, chairs who are in distress don’t constantly have to explain why they look like they must feel just fine, but are in deep and often debilitating pain nonetheless.
My mother (who had no difficulties with any immune system problems or generally idiopathic issues) died from a rampaging brain tumor. She said “Well, they’re right. This time it IS all in my head.” I don’t think many people really get how much these invisible diseases hurt, and so many think it’s just in our heads. I’m grateful that there’s more awareness nowadays.
So, you are in my thoughts, and I hope you’re up and running off to France or any place you want to go, very soon. Feel better, lady.
You look wonderful here, BTW. Mustn’t forget that!
Trish Hilbrand says
So sorry to hear of your troubles. You seem to have many of the same things I have had to deal with. So I truly feel your pain. 🙁 Good luck with the appointment with the specialist. *HUGS*
Thanks for sharing Jan.
I’ve heard that Lupus can be brutal.
I know what you mean about “looking normal” and crumbling on the inside.
Your Mother seemed to have the same wicked dry sense of humour as you.
I’ve managed to cope okay with the FM and the bad back but this new problem really has me in a tailspin. It’s not something I can choose to ignore despite my overwhelming desire to do so. I’m trying to stay upbeat. Compared to some people I’ve got it really easy and I can’t forget that.
Thanks for caring : )
Thanks for the hugs Trish : )
I feel terrible that you feel terrible. I hope you can find someone to ease your suffering and get you some answers. The not knowing must be entirely frustrating and scary.
If it’s any consolation, you look great. I like the mustard color with cognac. They work well together.
Feel better soon.
Marla Robinson says
Suzanne I totally understand the sinking feeling that comes with a fibro flare. Sometimes bouncing back takes longer than you have the patience for. You feel like your body is somehow betraying you. Sometimes I get anxious, worrying that I may not bounce back. I try very hard not to let negative thoughts get the best of me.
I didn’t realize you also are dealing with back issues. So sorry to hear this. Hope you start feeling better soon.
Heather Lindstrom says
Suzanne I am glad to hear you are able to do some ‘normal’ things again like taking a run with your girlfriend. The skirt is a gorgeous color on you and you have a way of finding the best items. I know it’s a struggle not let this health issue get you down. Keep posting-fashion, real life stuff….we are here for you.
Val Sparkle says
I hope the specialist will be brilliant and help you find a solution. I had no idea you had back pain, too! Do you read Tamera the Menopausel Supermodel? Yes, that’s the right spelling. Tamera is hosting a Black and White blog party this weekend to show support for those with chronic illnesses and their caregivers. You should check it out if you have a chance.
I love that outfit – that dress looks so sexy with that belt, and the shoes are just perfect!
Happiness at Mid Life says
Hang in there Suzanne – you are one tough cookie. Just reading what you’ve endured makes me feel like such a wimp. I hope that this specialist will lead to you the right direction to feeling better.
And that outfit is perfect! I need to have some of your honing skills for great finds at thrifting!
You look great, would never know of your troubles by looking at your pics! Not a fun birthday.
The blouse is so pretty and I love the details of the skirt. The belt is really cool and goes so well with your shoes.
Hope you’ll have some fun this weekend.
Really hope you get to go on those trips later this year. I can’t imagine the struggle to stay positive, but good for you for trying to not let it get you totally down. Very inspirational!
Oh no! That must be so frustrating when your body simply won’t let you do the things you need or want it to do!! You do look pretty, though. I think you wear yellow very well. I hardly wear yellow–once in a while, but it’s definitely not one of my better colors.
Sue @ A Colourful Canvas says
Aw, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling Suzanne. To be fair to yourself, I’m sure there was great anticipation for your holiday in France, and to have that taken away suddenly would put the sturdiest of us in a tailspin. You’re coping with a lot right now, and hopefully you will get some sense of direction in how to deal with the most recent onslaught of physical pain. My TCM practitioner shares that women in or near menopause often experience bouts of either illness, or sensitivity etc., due to the fact that as our protective hormones diminish, previously hidden imbalances become more apparent. True maybe, but fair? Meh, not so sure about that. It’s as though we just get to the point in our lives when we feel confident and appreciative of ourselves, we honor our wrinkles and grey hair, and then bam…mother nature assaults us with debilitating symptoms such as you are experiencing now. Hang on, feel wrapped in a cyber hug, and a wish that your family reunion lifts you up with love.
Oh so sorry to read about your difficult time. I’ve know other women with this problem and the pain is serious. Pain is a terrible thing. So disappointing that you didn’t go on your trip. Well I’d never know it from this lovely outfit picture. Mustard is a great color and your shoes are adorable.
blue hue wonderland
So another FM sufferer. There are so many out there it seems.
I understand your impatience for the “bounce back”. The older I get the longer it takes. I really want to break that cycle.
I also understand your worries about maybe the “bounce back” won’t happen. It is a deep fear that can paralyze us into inactivity and depression. Controlling the negative thoughts seems like a full time job.
I’ve had back issues since my early 20’s. For a while it got really bad and I thought I would have an operation, but as you know I’m petrified of hospitals so that didn’t happen. In the end I learned coping strategies through stretching, physiotherapy and some exercises that I do every night before I go to bed and before I get out of bed in the morning.
Also since I no longer have my manufacturing business where I had to exhibit at 2 wholesale shows per year and all the stress that goes along with it I’ve found that my back doesn’t completely “go out” as much. I guess part of it must have been stress induced. My back is manageable now it seems…touch wood : )
I hope that your FM isn’t making things too difficult for you and you keep your great positive attitude.
Thanks for sharing : )
Thanks Heather. I know that this is just another blip in the road : )
My Mom has suffered much worse than this and is my inspiration for not letting health matters control her life. Thank heavens for family and friends … bloggie friends included : )
I’m already following the funny Tamera. ; P Thanks for letting me know though.
Thanks Alice : )
If you come thrifting or consignment store shopping with me be warned….I can always lead you to the highest priced item in the store. Every single time! LOL
Totally had fun. Finally went to Stratford and took in a play, something we have been meaning to do for years since we moved to Ontario. : ) Kind of making up for my crappy birthday.
We have definately NOT cancelled the trips… only postponed for the moment. I’m hoping to have a better game plan upon seeing the specialist this week.
Health is fickle. The older you get the more you realize it. Being more aware of that isn’t a bad thing though. Makes you appreciate your life a bit more. : )
That is interesting about the TCM practitioner. I thought the hassle of our body changing was enough…but no apparently we also need to get weaker. Another good reason to up the exercise and healthy eating to compensate for the aging process. It’s funny, no one ever thinks that the older they get the more active they need to be. But I think it’s true.
I don’t think I’m at the point yet of accepting myself as I age either. I don’t like it. I know that by this time I should be there, but I’m not. Not yet. I wanted to be going in for laser treatment on my face or neck, not on my insides if I’m to be totally frank. This illness is a lesson for me though.
We are watching the Big C on Netflix and the main character says, “it’s a privilege to grow old”. I’m trying to bend my mind to accept that.
Thanks for sharing and thanks for the cyber hug : )
Thanks Ann. I guess I’ve never heard about this until now because it’s not something you go around shouting from the roof tops.
Thanks Adrienne : )
Highland Fashionista says
I’m just getting caught-up myself after being away, and I am glad to see you are up and about. This outfit is FAB on you. Love the mustard-coloured skirt and that belt is KILLER.