Imagine this scenario: you're attending a function with your spouse for his work. It's a cocktail and h'ordeuvres party at an upscale restaurant hosted by a large international bank. The place is packed with bankers, wealth management people and important business colleagues of your spouse. After a while of making the rounds and talking to different business contacts in the crowd a man starts a conversation with your spouse. He seems funny, works for an international business and has some interesting stories so you continue to communicate with him throughout the evening. Meantime…your spouse has started a conversation with a friend of this man and is deep in conversation. The man uses this opportunity to subtly begin to touch your hand and arm…caressing your fingertips and back. You move away to signal that you are not interested however this does not deter him and he continues to touch you now moving lower grazing your butt with his fingertips. You signal to your spouse that you would like to leave now however the spouse does not realize anything is going on and insists that you stay longer to finish the conversation and a glass of wine. The other man continues to touch you although you have now made it obvious by moving away several times that his inappropriate touching and advances are not welcome he continues to pursue you. How do you, given the situation, social environment and context react at this point?
Do you
a) turn and face the man and tell him to keep his filthy hands to himself hoping that this won't cause a scene
b) bluntly grab your spouse away from his other conversation ( since this seems to be the only method of getting his attention) and tell him in front of both men what the guy has done and see if punches ensue
c) make a scene yourself, throw your drink in his face and leave
d) calmly insist again that you and your spouse leave without anyone knowing anything and tell your spouse after exiting the restaurant
What would you do?
Totally a.
The man should not be spared eye to eye confrontation. Otherwise you are submitting to becoming a ‘victim’ of his actions.
Then I’d leave, unless I could move to a new group of people where this man’s presence would not be felt. Why should one perv ruin your nice evening.
I’d probably cause a “little” scene on purpose to embarrass the guy:
(With slightly raised voice: “Excuse me! Your touching is becoming very inappropriate! Do you realize you just grabbed my bottom? I think you’ve had too much to drink!!)
Then I’d stand there to see his reaction.
If he didn’t apologize and retreat, I’d alert the bartender. – Or I may alert them anyway.
Terri C
Oh I totally would have said something to him to his face right then and there for him to hear, not causing a scene, but making sure that he got my message loud and clear.