As one of a number of style bloggers over 50 we often preach about how wearing the right clothes can lift your spirits and prime you for a successful happy day.
What you don’t often hear from us is that sometimes clothes aren’t enough.
When The Inside Doesn’t Match The Outside
Social media and blogging in general are fickle friends.
As bloggers we like to say that we do it for ourselves or the love of sharing but there isn’t one blogger I know that doesn’t care about being validated for their efforts. Everyone wants to know they are making a difference on some level.
Satisfaction is elusive when relying on outside forces to fulfill us.
We wonder about our place on earth and our usefulness. A person can feel very small and want to curl up in bed and never leave.
We all get the blues every now and then.
I define the blues as a brief period when you don’t feel quite like yourself and are negative about things in general. This is usually when life isn’t going your way or we feel like no one is hearing us.
Hopefully this is when putting on fun clothes will help improve your mood and feelings of self worth.
When To Seek Help
When that brief period of the blues stretches into weeks and you no longer take any joy in all of things you once loved, apathy is your best friend, motivation is a foreign word and you’ve lost even the tiniest inkling of hope it is time to see a mental health professional. Putting on some fun clothes won’t be enough. You need to be your own best advocate for your health. It’ll be the last thing you’ll feel like doing but being proactive and taking steps towards finding a solution is better than crippling immobility where the darkness can swallow you whole.
I’m sharing this because a friend of mine that is normally very up beat, jovial and positive recently admitted that she was going through a difficult time.
She looked fantastic on the outside. Her external image didn’t hint to the internal conflicts within. It is a good reminder that although we present our best versions of ourselves online and to those around us it doesn’t necessarily depict what is truly happening in our minds and lives.
The clothes that we use to cover our skin can make a positive impact on our self esteem but they won’t address deep routed feelings of inadequacy or self worth.
Linking up with the lovely Patti over at Visible Monday.
So true and so sad. Ultimately our happiness has to radiate from within — and many people have trouble with that no matter how wonderful their lives seem from the outside. We need to sympathize and support our friends who get blue. I know I’ve benefited greatly from such support from my network (which includes generous you!).
Thank you, Suzanne for this profound post. Yes, our clothes, hair, a new perfume – they can all lift us up. The interior work is more challenging – and thanks for promoting the mental health profession. There’s nothing to be lost and everything to be gained from talking to a good counselor – one with empathy and skills.
And P.S. your fab outfit is making me happier today, just seeing it! xox
-Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com
i´m all for seeking professional help when the inside is hurt, raw and painful. especially “we” stylish crowd can seem unbreakable even for relatives or friends……
own experience.
wishing well for your friend!!
xxxx
Words of truth. My very best wishes for your friend – I hope they feel better soon. Xx
At my lowest point I stopped wearing make-up and started to travel into work in my much despised corporate work wear whereas I’d always dressed in my own clothes and changed when I got there. that’s when people I knew started nagging me to get help.
Dressing up every day is a celebration of being free of my hated career and the clinical depression that ensued.
I hope your friend gets the help she needs and starts feeling like dressing up again. xxx
I always preach the power of clothes to change our mood, but as you say, they are not a cure for the deeper stuff. There are so many layers beneath the surface that social media doesn’t see or often even want to see, especially with approaching holidays. Here’s a big cheer for professionals working in the healing fields when things turn serious. I hope your friend soon finds his/her way back.
This is such a profound post, Suzanne. Although the way we dress can enhance our moods, ultimately our inner wellbeing is our most precious accessory. Sometimes just pretending isn’t enough. I tend to be a glass half-empty kind of girl and have periods that I’m having the blues, so far I have – touch wood – never experienced true depression. I think the hardest part is admitting to yourself that you need professional help. I hope your friend will be on the way to recovery soon. xxx
I’ve also found that always looking good can be a real trap; I never look better than when I’m in a crisis, because I am driven on a primal level to hide how my inside is doing. There’s a point where that fabulous exterior becomes its own jail cell, and I start to feel like I’ll never be able to reveal anything real because I’ve become a slave to other people’s expectations of me. Having left a terrible job situation, I find that I don’t need a full on costume every single day to convince myself that I’m managing, and instead I’ve let things get a bit more relaxed. I don’t need to prove that “everything is okay dammit” right now. I knew the therapist I engaged around that time was good because she rarely comments on my clothes 😉
I am contemplating a big life change, and already my mind turns to the new “uniform” or costume that might require, and it’s both exciting but also fraught. I don’t want to get lost in the image and forget myself in order to cope with something that will very exciting but also demanding.
Thanks for posting this—and, you do, of course, look splendid as always.
This is so interesting Guenevere. Your well crafted exterior trapping your interior feelings. You’re obviously a very visually focused person so it isn’t so surprising you put a lot of weight and thought into your appearance.
Considering a “uniform” to properly communicate your new position shows just to what degree you feel your outside matters.
I hope the next step you are contemplating turns out to be everything you hope for. The willingness to take risks as we age helps keep us young at heart and living in the moment.
I’m sure this post will strike a chord with so many of your readers Suzanne, so thank you for taking the time to write some encouraging words as well as very good advice. I, myself, suffer from S.A.D. which isn’t always recognised by the medical profession. You’re so right to say that wallowing mustn’t be allowed to drift on for weeks and weeks without being monitored. Even the brightest of clothes cannot cover up the black hole that is hidden from sight.
I do hope your friend feels better soon. What a dear friend you are to cover this subject. We all have low times, but it’s about recognising when you really need help that’s key.
Anna x
I feel your frustration with physicians not recognizing diseases. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia some 28 years ago by a very young and progressive Doctor. After I moved I spent the next twenty years dealing with doctors that said it was all in my head. Of course it is now recognized by the medical community as a auto immune disease. It is a terrible feeling to know you aren’t doing well and then being told you are responsible.
SAD is very real. Living in Canada many people suffer from it. The winter and dark is depressing on its own but for some it can become utterly immobilizing. I hope you find a good Dr. on that little island of yours that can help.
Well said, Suzanne!
Oh my dear sweet puppy lover. You are so wise. It is indeed important for us to remember that all is not always as it appears to be. I very often have to remind myself that it takes both rain and sunshine to make a flower bloom. Hug.
I need that, “it takes rain and sunshine to make a flower bloom” on a poster in my office : )
such a wise advice!, everybody, even the most positive people, could get trapped in the blues!. Taking care of ourselves, from the inside, is best advice ever, and that means looking for (professional) help when you’re not feeling well.
Best wishes to your friend!
(And I love your leather skirt and that fab belt and boots!)
besos
Very wise, Suzanne. Recently went through a difficult period myself. I’m amazed at how seeking help is still viewed as a weakness by some. Shocking, really. Luckily I have family and especially my 90-year old mum who support my search for answers.
A great outfit can make us look great … but as you say, that doesn’t always match what’s going on inside.
I agree that it is shocking in today’s world that people still feel you should “tough it out” on your own rather than seek help. I had hoped those ideas were left behind in the 1950’s.
Wow—I didn’t expect it to go this direction. But I think there are times we all need help. Life can be hard, and asking for help is never a weakness.
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Well to be honest Jodie sometimes writing about what I’m wearing bores the pants off me. Literally! Ha ha! I know for many women and people in general these issues are real and it’s good to know you’re not alone.
Interesting post Suzanne. It got me thinking about clothing and how it relates to our inner selves. It’s true what we wear can be a way to express our creativity, confidence, professionalism, etc, etc. It can also boost our mood when feeling a little down. But putting no effort at all into your appearance is often one of the first warning signs of something darker going on emotionally. I know at challenging times in my life it was a huge effort to even think of trying to put an outfit together.
I guess what I’m trying to say is what we cover ourselves with on the outside can be used to either reveal or hide what’s truly going on inside.
Theresa
It is true that clothing can be related to motivation and other issues. It can also hide issues as mentioned above by Guenevere.
Oh yes, been there done that. But I got help and that stirred me in the right direction!
Yes you wrote about that on your blog. I found it very honest and well written. I’m glad it helped you move forward. You are very inspirational Nancy.
I’m always impressed by your bold decisions to go in an unexpected direction that has universally, meaningful impact and incorporate it into your blog. I think it’s one of the things I’ve found most compelling about you from the start Suzanne.
Of course the naked truth is that clothes really DO figure in the mental health mix because they are very much public personna and offer that shield we all need on some level. Clothes can help us convince ourselves, allow us to hide, defer our truths, bury our emotions, express our anxiety and so much more They can be a healthy outlet or a way to convince ourselves we’re haute functional.
I think your friend is lucky to have you as her supporter Suzanne. You “get” a lot of what it means to be human. I hope you’ll tell her/him that many are sincerely supportive and empathetic by degree.
You have expressed yourself so beautifully here Jude. Your writing is exceptional.
You need to give a TED talk!
I’m very flattered Suzanne.
YOU are the one who writes wonderful, personal experience stories! I’ve been drawn into your adventures on more than one occasion because they read like a compelling short story full of wisdom, humor, angst and intrigue. Very entertaining and I hope you never go exclusively to Instagram. I don’t subscribe…
A very well-written and timely post Suzanne. The holiday season is very difficult for many people, and very often our outsides don’t match our inner selves. Being able to recognize when it’s time to seek help is often the key, as many people will allow their inner despair to consume them, until it’s too late. I hope your friend is able to get the help she needs to move past this difficult time.
Sweet, sweet Suzanne. You came to the rescue so swiftly and were followed by Melanie and Ann straight away, that my dark mood and feelings disappeared nearly instantly. Sometimes this feeling lasts longer and I have been to two psychologists about it. They say there is nothing wrong with me or my life. I know they are right. Just cannot explain why that “I don’t care, blah, dark, etc” mood sometimes hits me. But I do know now, that friends, even from far away, who come to the rescue with comforting words, hugely helps. It is the feeling of being loved, that there are people out there who care and want to protect you, that feeling pulls you away from dark feelings. I know I have a lot of friends and I know they love me, but it is so good when you reach out, you are met with such a respons.
Mwah 💋💋💋.
Greetje
Oh blast, and your outfit is gorgeous. How do you get an obi belt to look like this. I have a waist which is only an inch high. It would crumple up immediately on my body.
Greetje
I’m so glad that you seem to be feeling better.
It pains me to know that the Drs you saw weren’t able to help more. I find that seeing a Dr. that doesn’t know any better than I do is more frustrating that the issue itself sometimes. Often simply being validated takes a weight off of ones shoulders.
I’m happy that some words of encouragement helped. Your positivity, humour, laughter and smile is infective. Keep your face to the sunshine.
Such a touching post, dear Suzanne. I totally agree with you, that sometimes clothes can help and sometimes not. I am sorry about your friend, I hope that she is fine soon. I don;tknow whether I should comment that I loved your boots – well, I have just done it – since the post really touched me on another level. I really hope all is fine with your friend, soon! Hope you enjoy a nice weekend! Bisous!
DenisesPlanet.com
Such an interesting post! Love it!
http://chicglamstyle.com
You look sensational in your black outfit and Obi belt… but yes I hear you. I think,depression is becoming more widespread the more time we spend on screens and less face to face time we enjoy. Exercise helps me when I feel overwhelmed . But it is good advice to seek help for prolonged sadness… and with all of the terrible recently published events of sexual predatory behavior, and the many victims…. it is a good thing to reach out and to know there is support …
That said… happy holiday season…which is, strangely , a common time for depression..
Cheers 🥂 ?
❤️❤️❤️
Elle,
https://theellediaries.com