Or in this case sucks you in like Spanx.
Who is going to start the trend of wearing their Spanx on the outside?
I'd pay good money to see Tim Gunn wearing his double set of Spanx that he says he wears to the award shows on the outside of his suit.
"You're making it work Tim!"
I actually own one pair of something similar to Spanx that I'd won online that is like a retro style bustier/tummy/upper leg helper.
And by "helper" I mean you need to have a whole team of assistants to help you in or out of it.
I'm not kidding. I thought I was going to pass out trying to put it on.
Squirming around on the floor. Holding my breath. Jumping up and down. Trying to squish bits of me into it.
I think I lost a pound in sweat just trying to get it on.
The newest trendy workout…trying to get into your shapewear.
Once I finally had the damn thing on there were bits popping out at either end. Like sausage coming out of the casing.
So after all of that hassle I decided I didn't like the look one bit and couldn't really breathe much anyhow (apparently breathing is overrated for shapewear) so it needed to come off.
I should have called my team of Spanx assistants because it was ten times worse trying to get it off.
I literally pulled out my neck and shoulder trying to maneuver my limbs to get that straight-jacket-fat-buster off my body.
No joke. I think it took a good 15 minutes to wiggle my way out of it.
By that time I was sweating like I'd just run for 50 minutes and had bruises on my arms and thighs from hitting myself on furniture as the flippin' thing was stuck over my head pinning my arms above me like I was being hung from a torture rack as I ran around like a chicken with its head stuck in an elastic wrapper.
Thank heavens I was trying this on at home and not in some dark small fitting room making moaning noises while hitting the walls.
What do people do when they have to go to the bathroom?
Do they come with emergency openers?
Needless to say I have never tried to put it on again. I don't know what to do with it now.
Suggestions?
What is your experience with shapewear?
Let it all hang out. The good, the bad and the ugly.
We're all friends here and I promise…I won't tell Tim a thing.
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Interesting subject — and amusing writing. I often wear a full Spanx girdle which helps smooth my figure under tight dresses. But, as you report, it’s a bear to put on and take off. I’ve had equal troubles with other items of tight clothing. Because I’m always alone when I dress, I learned from painful experience to keep a pair of sharp scissors nearby; more than once I’ve been trapped inside a dress/top while trying to take it off and would still be there if not for the scissors.
The extent to which we will accept discomfort to look good varies from woman to woman and I’d never judge anyone else’s choice. I’m more eager than most to endure suffering ’cause I have a lifetime of pent-up desire to wear female clothing. But when one of my girlfriends (in her twenties) recently moaned that she hates and will never wear pantyhose, I understood. Truly, I did.
Funny, very funny post!!
I must say that I don’t usually use shapewear because I find them so unconfortable…the idea of having an assistant to wear them is not bad!!! I have to consider it…
P.s.
Are you sure you need a shapewear? I find your silouette just perfect!!
Too funny, if I may laugh at your discomfort! I’ve never tried shapewear. Even back in the day when I was 13 and finally got to wear stockings and a girdle (yes, we were still doing that) I never had a heavy-duty girdle. I can’t imagine it now, mostly because I can’t stand to be encased in synthetic fabrics.
You look gorgeous in that dress and jacket! It would be great to see pictures of the same outfit with and without shapewear and see how much difference it actually makes. And then you could decide if it’s worth the effort, or if you’d rather wear looser skirts!
Hilarious! I’ve never tried shapewear, and your experience isn’t exactly encouraging, LOL. I remember watching episodes of How to Look Good Naked, and Gok was always dressing the women in shapewear…and pushing in the bits that tried to escape. Too funny. I agree with Val…we’d love to see you in the same outfit with and without…put it sounds too risky for you to attempt.
Can we talk about your outfit? Love chocolate brown and denim blues together. Beautifully styled! I shy away from this style {I’ve seen it in a skirt also.}, but you have the figure for it!
And that wall! I love the wall with the metallic gold paint.
hahaha. You’re so descriptive. Never tried it, but I have to imagine that would feel quite torturous. I thought we women were freed from the whole corset thing a long, long time ago.
Hahaha! You are funny! I can’t believe you need shapewear, you’ve got a killer bod.
I’ve never tried it, I hate most forms of underwear. It’s rare I even bother with a bra. x
Ooh, I’ve not seen bandage style dresses with stripes and different colors before. That looks great. Now the bandage design makes sense, when you’re showing off a design like that.
—
Haha! Oh man, your description is so evocative. Having been stuck with my arms over my head, blinded by folds of fabric before, I can only imagine what it must be like with a binding complicated garment. I bent over until the cone of fabric touched the ground and pretended I was an ostrich.
I’ve never tried shapewear before, but that may be because I have cognitive dissonance with how it works. I’m assuming they’re selling us on the law PV=nRT, so if you increase Pressure and hold the other variables constant, Volume decreases. Except we’re not gases. Liquids and solids don’t compress significantly under any pressure I’d care to be under, so we’re talking displacement.
And since we can’t displace muscle because they’re tied in place at either end, we’re moving body fat and organs. I think middle squeezers move your stomach, liver, and kidneys further up your thoracic cavity, which is a space occupied by my lungs. I already have asthma and I need to work out a lot to keep my small lung capacity as it is. ALSO I have stiff and awkward body language and I do not think constricting garments will help. And that shelf-boob thing ladies do at the Renaissance Faire always kinda weirds me out. I like my boobs, but I don’t need them to keep my chin warm.
That is funny about the scissors. Once when I was in Anthropologie I got stuck in a skirt and I had to have salespeople cut me out. Talk about embarassing. I can see why it is a good idea to have a pair handy.
Well technically I suppose I don’t really *need* it, however I would like to see what kind of a difference it makes. All the stars are going on about it all the time and if they know one thing it is how to look thinner and how to take drugs. (Kidding…some of them don’t know how to look better ha ha)
Well Val…for the sake of my health I’m not going to risk it. LOL
Just imagine that I look 10 lbs thinner and very smooth.
…Then I’ll put on the Shapeware Ha ha!
Well you know Rachel…Tim Gund says that Shapeware isn’t just for women…guys too can go through this torture. Just ask your hubby if he is interested in modelling some for you. I’m sure he’ll go for it. LOL
Wow…I am seriously jealous here. The last time I went braless I almost walked on my nipples.
Kidding.
But I did almost button my boobs up in my pants.
Sigh.
Oh to be young again.
I would have loved to have seen that ostrich! LOL
When it is cold here in winter I kind of like the idea of my boobs keeping my chin warm. Instead of a scarf I’ll just wear my boobs.
I love all your science geek speak.
Firstly, you look fabulous in your stripey, bandage-y dress. Second, I never, ever wear shapewear, never have and never will. I *hate* being squeezed! But I did enjoy your story : > and thanks a bunch for sharing with Visible Monday.
Perfect post!!! I have a pair of Spanx that sits in my drawer and beckons me. I’ve threated to write a post about them, but haven’t yet… because I don’t wear them!! I despise them. I keep trying them because I want to join the cult of Spanx. I need them. I seriously do. But I simply value my comfort much, much more. So I just hide what needs hiding and go about my life. Maybe if I did the Spanx workout, all my issues would be solved?
xo ~kim (and chloe – who is waaaay too young to consider Spanx!)
I have yet to buy my first piece of shapewear though I am considering it! But I keep thinking that I’m going to feel like I’m some stuffed sausage or anything …
Shapewear; I just found out they come in different powers. I can only stand the minimal power ones. And bits splurt out in other places so I am not a fan. Only wear them if I have to.
Love your take on this; it made me smile with a visual…..
Love the hair color! and love the outfit too~ xoxo
Well I could hardly see with your toned body that you would need Shapewear anywhere. I’ve yet to see you wear anything remotely restrictive. Your flowy choices suit you.
No doubt the Spanx workout is tough. My bruises can attest to that fact!
Yep…that’s exactly what it feels like.
Okay this is news to me. Maybe the power I should have asked for is -1 or something.
Well, you could always have a giveaway of your own!
Great post! If this is you without Spanx, why would you ever feel the need?
You look incredible in that killer skirt and the denim jacket – WoW! I love the back view, showing your hair color, as well!
I suppose I could. I never thought anyone else would want a piece that I’ve had to struggle to put on and sweat to take off.
I would kind of feel bad if the gal that I won it from were to see that I’m “re-gifting”.
I still feel a bit lumpy : ) I though it’d smooth out the bumps. But nope…you just get new bumps and folds wherever it ends.
I’ve started taking more back end shots because I realized that sometimes I’m missing what is going on back there. As in sometimes it looks awful, like a mis matched pattern on an skirt that I recently noticed.
That and the fact that it reminds me not to eat that second helping of mashed potatoes. mmmmm….mashed potatoes….
I suppose I could. I never thought anyone else would want a piece that I’ve had to struggle to put on and sweat to take off.
I would kind of feel bad if the gal that I won it from were to see that I’m “re-gifting”.
This is hilarious. I’ve never worn the stuff. My inner (and outer) feminist has always felt uncomfortable with the idea. Reading this, I learn that my body itself would be really uncomfortable too. Seeing how slim you look in this skirt, I can’t even imagine why you’d even be tempted to try it on, let alone torture yourself by wearing it, but we’re all our own worst critics, as we know.
http://www.sublimemercies.com/
I am really surprise that most of the readers hear don’t use spans. I have to admit that I use them regularly because I can’t stand bumps and lumps when I wear anything that’s a jersey knit or closer fit to my body. When I buy the good stuff from Nordstrom, they holding power is much greater = more discomfort. I find that if I buy a lesser know brand, the holding power is not as much but still gets the job done.
BTW – this dress is gorgeous on you! You do not need any shapewear!
Alice
http://www.happinessatmidife.com
This is just hilarious! I feel your pain, Suzanne! I bought a pair of Spanx myself and went through the same experience. I wonder how those stars on red carpet make it look so easy and do not turn blue! I ditched it right away. The one that I bought has ehem, a secret opening you know where, for emergency and that alone made me squirmed.. no way I’m going like that! By the way, your bandage skirt is to die for, I love it!
GREETINGS FROM DUBAI!
MRS JACK OF ALL TRADES
http://mrsjackofalltradesdaily.blogspot.ae/
I’m ranting about tights a bit in today’s post, so shapewear would definitely be a no go for me. Love this outfit…from the striped bandage dress to the tights and boots. But my favorite part has to be the belted denim jacket, I have got to try that! Actually the first time your blog caught my attention you were wearing a belted denim jacket and that was what intrigued me, but I stuck around because you’re fabulous!
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.blogspot.com
Suzanne I am DYING laughing here!! Good thing I’m not wearing Spanx or I’d have peed myself before getting it off.
I tried one on–no way–I sweated like a pig and blubber was oozing over the top. No thanks!!
You look fabulous in that bandage dress and jacket!!
You look fabulous here!
I wear Spanx all the time under dresses. Never had a problem with it except with dresses that are too flimsy for it.
The dress is beautiful more info on it please
That is just the best outfit on you!!!! I LOVE that dress on you, and I know your hubs loves it! Just too gorgeous on you for more words. Perfect.
But, Baby-Girl, you gotta just buy real Spanx. They are so much better than anything on the market, and you won’t have the same problems getting into them. Mine are nowhere near as much trouble. The waist high, just down to your mid thigh, medium support are so easy to wear … I wear them year round.
Sorry you went through that, but I have to ask … what do you need them for? You look just grand here!
Great and hilarious post! After reading it I am both scared of shapewear and curious about trying some. I have heard the same complaints in other places, that you fight to get it on and can’t breathe once you’re wearing it. I don’t understand how ladies deal with this at the Oscars! I love the idea of it as a workout though. So funny! XO, Jill
I agree with Dawn, what ever made you think you would need to wear SpanX? Although it did make for a fun story. You look absolutely amazing in this dress, which, by the way, not too many women could pull this dress off.
I have never tried spanx and I can now say will not be trying it EVER.
The dress looks really good on you.
You are right…we all see our own faults much clearer than those around us.
Don’t they make you hot? Especially in California? My girlfriend has some and wore them and always complained they made her too hot.
Awww…thanks hair twin : )
LOL you always make me laugh Tamera!
I cannot believe you wear Spanx all the time. You are tiny! Are you wearing Spanx gloves?
Ooops forgot to mention this is an Anthropologie dress. : )
Well I thought they’d “smooth out” my lady lumps.
I’ve gotten so much different feedback from people here. Very interesting that some people can wear them no problem. Probably like some gals can wear heels all the time too though.
I’m a weak link.
Thanks for stopping by Jill.
Just think of it as S&M with your underwear. ; )
What? You don’t want to go through all of that? LOL
You could skip running one day and just try on some Spanx instead.
Thanks Zalina : )
With or without spanx, you look amazing! Love this outfit!
~Callie
http://www.creationsbycallie.com
You look great in this outfit! Shape wear……I will not wear it. IT IS TORTURE, YES TORTURE. Fun story!
blue hue wonderland
Hahaha…recognizable! I tried it once and could not wear nor bare it. So no more for me. But I have a good friend, maybe she will comment on your post herself, who swears by Shapewear. She found a great brand that fits and works (no popping out parts etc). In a hot climate wearing shape wear seems even more intolerable, btw!
Great ensemble with the browns and blues. I love the belt OVER the denim. So cool! Do people say ‘cool’ anymore. I do. All the time and I hear myself and wonder if it is cool to say cool? hahahahaha
Hilarious post! Thanks for sharing with Wardrobe Wednesday xo