Conforming To Our Tribe Via Our Clothing Choices
It has always been my mission to dress for myself and not to conform with the rest of society. I’ve done this since I was very young.
I thought this comment from a reader on Patti’s blog was very poignant,
We dress to conform ourselves with different tribes. Even the non-conformists are allying themselves with other non-conformists. Our clothes transmit messages about us–our tastes, our priorities (even when clothes are not a priority–that’s also a message). The question might be whether we are being true to ourselves when we are choosing our messages to the world, and whether our choices make us happy. – A Taste Of France
I realized that even though I’m dressing for myself, in doing so I am allying myself with others that also choose to dress for themselves.
Choosing Vintage
Choosing to wear vintage almost guarantees you will be seen as an outlier, someone who doesn’t quite fit with society’s expectations of how a woman of a certain age should dress.
What messages are my clothes sending?
I’m hopeful that they communicate my Style Statement that I’m artistic, unique, relevant, fun and strong.
Are we being true to ourselves in the choices we are making?
Without a doubt buying secondhand aligns with my social conscience and makes me happy.
Tribal Friendships
I can see that my choice to dress differently has encouraged friendships to blossom with other non-conformists. I didn’t realize this until I stopped to think about it. There are literally millions of blogs out there and yet I chose to follow style bloggers that are also stepping outside of the expected styles for women over a certain age, a sign we are part of the same tribe. I sought out these other women because I knew they wouldn’t be dressing like everyone else. I knew they would stimulate my imagination and inspire me. As humans it is natural to choose to be around other people we believe understand us. This is certainly the case with the other bloggers I follow. I have been lucky enough to become good friends with several of these other bloggers.
Our style choices can encourage others to engage with us or ignore us.
Dressing to become invisible is easy, shop any fast fashion retailer and simply dress like everyone else.
Do your style choices make you happy?
Do they communicate what you want to say to the world and how you want to be perceived?
Are you comfortable with your tribe?
Linking up with Visible Monday, Turning Heads Tuesday and Fancy Friday
Veronica Cooke says
Wise words, Suzanne.
I think more women would dress for themselves if they had more confidence, but it seems that one of the many advantages age gives us is increased confidence. If only some of this confidence could be accessible to younger women – what amazing style tribes there could be!
Of course lots of women both older and younger have their own individual style and choose to shop second hand and long may they (and we) do so.
I loved every single outfit – gorgeous!
suzanne carillo says
I agree that younger women often feel overwhelming pressure to dress like the rest of the crowd. I was lucky to never feel that way.
Vix says
I’m not sure if I have a tribe as such but I do know I’m a non-conformist, a free thinker and a rebel and if my outward appearance marks me out as such and attracts like-minded people to me then I’m being as true and honest to myself as I can be.
I am naturally drawn to people who dress like me and when I say, like me, I mean women who also enjoy having fun with their clothing choices, who don’t take themselves too seriously and who never slavishly follow fashion – be that vintage or contemporary fashion. I love that the internet has enabled us to connect with people with the same beliefs, principles and ideas as us. xxx
suzanne carillo says
I agree that is one really wonderful thing the internet has done is to provide a platform to connect with other people with similar interests on the other side of the world. I’m grateful for that.
Ann says
The older I get the less I care what other people think, but although I’m mainly dressing for myself, there is a certain truth in the fact that the way I choose to dress makes me belong to a certain tribe, even if unintentionally. You are right: I do feel a connection with the style bloggers I choose to follow, especially as “in real life” I do not know anyone else who dresses the way I do, not conforming to fashion trends, Etc. I’ve always been someone who likes to step out of line. The thought of being invisible and just one of the masses simply horrifies me. xxx
suzanne carillo says
Like you, I’ve always been happy to march to the beat of my own drum. I am also horrified at the thought of being lumped into the crowd and forgotten.
Theresa says
I think one of the reasons people like to look like everyone else is it makes them feel safer. It takes a certain amount of bravery to not follow the crowd. Also, dressing like everyone else is often easier. Just buy off the rack whatever is current. It’s like a uniform.
Love the way you look in every one of your unique outfits!
suzanne carillo says
I agree that those who choose to dress differently are vulnerable to criticism. Self expression or creativity of any sort requires some vulnerability and risk.
Shybiker says
“…artistic, unique, relevant, fun and strong” — Yup. That’s you. And your style shows these traits.
I’d like to address your question but my answer would be too long. I’d have to explain dual-styles for male and female presentations with various quirks; it’s just too long. You ask a good question and I don’t want to dominate your comment section. Maybe I could answer it in a lengthy post on my own blog, if that’s okay. We all thank you for raising such an interesting topic.
suzanne carillo says
I would like to learn of your quirks. : )
Lise says
I love this post, love all these outfits and your blog in general. I have always been a free-thinker and dressed for myself, even as a teenager when others all seemed to want to look alike I chose to look different, via clothes, hair, etc. Your words are very true. Where I live now on the Black Sea in Bulgaria I find it quite sad and boring that the young (and even the older) woman all tend to dress in a uniform and wear their hair the same, etc. They look like robots to me – no creativity whatsoever. They however believe they look very sexy and chic – you know the skinny jeans/moto jacket society. Each to their own I guess, but I still prefer being different and expressing myself as such through dressing. Lise
suzanne carillo says
Thanks for the kind words.
You sound a lot like me Lise.
It is astounding now that globally people choose to dress the same. The loss of independent country based fashion manufacturers means all of the world’s fashion comes from the same manufacturing plants. Such a shame that we lost the differences that made each country unique. I’m happy you haven’t been deterred to keep up your own creative sense of style.
Jessica A Jannenga says
Love this post Suzanne! I can relate! It is funny as I find that I question myself sometimes, “Should I be wearing jeans more?” I wear what I love and what makes me feel like me. It is important to be true to ourselves, and that is true with clothing choices, as how we feel will show.
I love your outfits, the colors, the styles and the patterns in your choices, I look at dressing as being creative and artistic and that shows as well. Really fabulous in these looks, it must be hard to part with some of them!
Happy Holidays!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
suzanne carillo says
It can be hard to part with some pieces but I’ve learned as a reseller it is a wonderful feeling to pass a piece onto someone else that will enjoy it.
Your creativity comes out in all your unique outfits Jess.
FancyBoy says
So true. It’s why I don’t let people diminish my love of style as something ‘materialistic’. Dressing yourself, adorning yourself, is a daily ritual and it’s part of being very human, as we all participate in some form or ‘fashion’.
suzanne carillo says
This is very true Becky. It is how we define ourselves within society.
Nancy says
I just wear what I like but I am afraid that is pretty mainstream. But it s what I like.
suzanne carillo says
When you are true to yourself it shows. I think you do a great job of that Nancy.
Melanie says
I met you through your blog, Suzanne, but if I saw you on the street I would have been drawn to you immediately, perhaps asked if you’d like to go for coffee. But even when I wear more “normal” clothes, I still think people see who I am inside them. So I think those things go together. We leak through the cloth to call out our tribe. These are all such fabulous photos of you!
What’s interesting is there was/is a a non-fashion movement when men started growing beards, etc. But even that is a form of tribalism, right? And it was marketed to in the same calculating way by big corporations.
It’s kind of impossible to opt out of identifying because we have to wear clothes, but I think secondhand helps us to focus more consciously on finding pieces that reflect who we are without the influence of trends in our faces.
Marilee J. Gramith says
In so many ways our lives are about affiliation, connection, and gathering together with others in order to define our humanity.
At the same time we seek some distinct relevance that separates us and gratifies our ego.
There are safe ways to go about discovering, adventuring, and claiming a space to be. Fashion is one of them.
We wrap ourselves in the colors and textures that bring needed protection as well as joy, definition and creative expression. Self concept isn’t exclusive and we grow when we acknowledge the impact of others.
I recognize myself in all tribes. I delight in some and feel comfort in a few.
beate says
this is a very good post about personal style!!
and fabulous illustrated!
i´m some way biased – i always dressed very individualistic and mostly vintage and in my teens and later at design school i had the “tribe” of other very individualistic peers around me….. but the older i got the fewer were the “freaks” in my real life. and now i only have people (nice ones – no less) around me who dress extremely boring, (and live boring lives btw.), no way for me of matching my style (or most of my interests) with them.
my sartorial tribe lives around the whole world – connected via internet…..without that i would be a very very lonely freak……
xxxxx
Jill says
A thought provoking post Suzanne, I do agree that we are drawn to those we see as like minded and that comes through the way we dress. Even though I have always dressed for me , I am finding as time passes I enjoy playing more . The joy of our blogging community is meeting others (probably only ever online) and enjoying their style and self expression. Your artistic soul certainly shines through your style.
Taste of France says
I love your photos! I am very touched that you liked my comment. I don’t think it’s bad that we have tribes. It’s always thrilling to find soulmates, right?
I would very much like to be as artsy and boho as you are, but I would look ridiculous (short, old, not fat but not thin either) and thus not feel good. You, however, look marvelous, and if I saw you in person I would find some excuse to strike up a conversation. Life is too short to let interesting people walk by.
While I appreciate the people who elevate fashion to performance art, personally I am heading the ascetic route. I don’t need so much. I have more than enough. It has been ages since I’ve bought anything, and that’s OK. I aspire to pull off that trick of having little but appearing to have much. I’d like to look chic enough, without having to accumulate. Not sure how well I pull it off.
Different strokes for different folks. Diversity is energizing.
No Fear of Fashion says
A taste of France was very right. The way we dress is the way we send a message to the world. In oh so many ways.
Of all the lovely items you showed, the black and white skirt is my absolute favourite. Nicely styled as well.
Greetje
Anna Parkes says
You’re spot on about dressing as a way of identifying ourselves to our tribe. On the little island where I live, I don’t have a tribe, but that’s probably due to the tiny population. That’s where the internet has filled my need to belong, which I suppose is what we all want after all.
Your style marks you out as unique indeed, stylish without a doubt and a shopper with green credentials too. No wonder you have the large following you do!
Anna x
Elle says
Yes to expressing oneself through fashion. A good observation and I think most women do. However, few choose second hand or vintage and I am so glad you continue to address this.
I am inspired by all of these artistic outfits, the mixed media jacket is singing to me !! Let’s be outliers, and hope others follow suit.
❤️❤️❤️
Elle
https://theellediaries.com/
Shelley@ForestCityFashionista says
These are all stellar outfits, and they epitomize what I think of as your style. My friends who are bloggers all have very distinct personal style, but we are linked by our refusal to conform to the “norm” of what society thinks over 50 women look like. I remember going to New York the year I turned 50 and meeting the women there that I have grown to think of as “my tribe”.
Anja says
That pink silver dress is fabulous! As are several other items in this post.
Of course by the way we express ourselves (by how we look, by how our interior looks, by what we do and say) we will appeal to like-minded people. Our tribe, as you call it in this article. We are attracted by others who have a similar look or personality. Okay, it’s more complex that that, but you know what I mean.
I don’t even think that that’s necessarily some conscious decision or process. It just happens this way.
If we just are our true selves, authentic, then we will find ourselves surrounded by others who are drawn to who we really are, how we look and what we stand for.