These last couple of weeks have been all about hospitals, doctor’s office visits and coming to terms with illness and aging. Both involve lots of compromise and acceptance.
Having lived the past fifty-two years reasonably content with myself and my body my brain is having a hard time accepting this new reality.
I’ve done everything right, I’m a vegetarian, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. When it is nice outside I walk 5km daily and in the winter I try to hit the treadmill a couple times a week with a bit of weight lifting thrown in for good measure. I do fifteen minutes of yoga before bed and fifteen minutes of stretches before I get out of bed.
I’ve held up my end of the equation, why is my body not doing its part?
It’s frustrating.
Wake up body!!!
Why Acceptance Is So Difficult
My family physician had a very frank conversation with me yesterday about acceptance and it wasn’t easy for me to hear. I am firmly attached to how I define myself and everything that is transpiring now isn’t part of that definition.
As we age our choices diminish and it is difficult to accept.
My Doctor pointed out that we can choose to be happy and accepting or we can choose to be angry and sad. How we react to the situation isn’t going to change it. Although I can do my best to help my body ultimately it is doing its own thing and I’m just along for the ride.
The Doctor insisted my brain is the magical instrument controlling how well I cope. Suffering, trauma and pain can be filtered through our brain to do less damage. Tapping into the healing and coping capabilities of my mind is my newest task. Meditation has become a priority.
I’ve been repeating this quote under my breath a few times a day…
โI’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.โ
Mark Twain
There are more tests to be done and I am still clinging to the hope that this will just require a slight shift in consciousness rather than an entirely new definition of self.
This unforeseen sidestep has reminded me of my weaknesses and all I’ve yet to understand about aging. I need to learn to accept the things I cannot change while staying positive about what I can change. Focusing on the negative gets me nowhere. People learn to cope, they adapt, they keep putting one foot in front of the other even when they’d rather bury themselves in a mountain of blankets and sleep the rest of their days away.
One thing I learned from my botched surgery and subsequent trauma is that,
acceptance comes when we have no other choice
and
nothing lasts forever.
How do you manage to stay positive when difficult challenges beyond your control come your way?
Linking up with Visible Monday, Turning Heads Tuesday, Fancy Friday, and Spy Girl
I am so sorry you are facing a health crisis. I am typing this as I sit by my 28 year old sonโs bedside, having been in the hospital for the better part of the last monthโ5 admissions in two citiesโas he recovers from double heart valve replacement surgery that was the result of undiagnosed endocarditis that damaged the valves. I wonder often, how will he accept this new reality? One that involves a walker (for now), oxygen (for now), and talking to everyone about bowel movements, and blood thinners for life.
I think, no matter how old we are, we always feel weโre too young. Having to file for accommodations for my physical disability at 43 was really hard, until I refined for myself that the accommodations were the key to allowing me to continue to do what I wanted to do, which was design and make costumes and art. For me, then, the key has been to keep what I want most to do at the forefront: If what I want is to make art, then I will accept I have to have someone else clean the house, or lift my supplies, or do the mechanical work for me. Then I can see it as a way to *help* me instead of diminishing me.
My son will have to do this, too, and for him I think it will be harder as Iโm not sure even he knows the answer to โWhat do I WANT to be doing?โ Heโs had a hard time, lost his job, got sick, had to temporarily move back in with me, lost mobility, been hospitalized for weeks and weeks. I hope, very much, that he finds a goal that he can filter this through. Itโs harder for these younger kids versus us older gals that have done a lot of that โwhat do I want to doโ work already in our lives.
I wish you the very best, and am hoping that this is a momentary wobble in your landscape. If it isnโt, though, I hope you find a way to accept the new reality and continue to pursue your artโbecause Fashion IS artโfrom this new place.
Your doctor sounds like she has wisely and appropriately incorporated some Yoga philosophy into her practice and I’m impressed. I know that your past experiences with medical professionals/ hospitals have left you wary but I am impressed with this broader approach that includes your spiritual, psychological and physical self.
Having had what I consider an “”extra helping” of medical issues; some of which were quite serious/life threatening I’ve definitely needed to reassess a few times. Major medical issues have included peritonitis, unruptured brain aneurysm/craniotomy to clip it, COPD, and most recently Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. All but the peritonitis were diagnosed after I turned 60.
I’m as emotionally and psychologically traumatized by these challenges as anyone might be and I’ve also grown stronger and more resilient because of them. I think your doctor’s advice is wise and practical. Your perspective and attitude are in your control, independent of your age but more palpable at 67 than at 27. Of course aging tends to challenge us with “stuff” more predictably and so we slow down, grow some scar tissue, delineate and savor your truths and love ourselves and others with abandon. That includes the furry ones by the way. ๐
Didn’t know all this Jude. Wow, that is a lot to cope with.
Greetje
Oh goodness Greetje! How sweet of you to acknowledge with a comment!
What can we do but just keep moving forward? Sometimes at a pace we don’t like much…
Oh, and laughing? HUGE!
This is the stuff right here. It’s not easy dealing with any kinds of health issues. Sounds like you are dealing with it pragmatically and emotionally—still hard. Hoping for the best results for you <3
Hospitals! Eep…so sorry to hear that you’ve been hit with a health crisis Suzanne.
I’ve worked a lot with affirmations and I just want to caution you about the Mark Twain quote. As complicated as our brains are, our minds tend to simplify things. It’s very possible that your mind hears ‘I’ve had a lot of worries in my life’….and stops there.
Oh Suzanne! I’m so sorry to hear you are facing health issues. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the best possible test results. It seems that you have a very wise doctor, and I’m sure that at least you are in good hands. Wishing you courage to accept and deal with this challenging time in your life. Sending over a huge virtual hug, my friend. Thinking of you! xxx
I am so sorry to hear you are facing health issues. Your blog bubbles with enthusiasm and joie de vivre. For that to come across a computer screen, it must be quite a force within you. I hope it can help you get through any challenges ahead.
BTW, not everybody can pull off that shade of green but you look great in it!
I love the meditation part of how you are handling your situation, Suzanne. And yes, our brains are truly, truly, truly remarkable organs, capable of more than even science knows. Finding an empathetic ear and open mind in the medical field would be worth its weight in gold.
You are gifted in many fields, and I hope you can find a way to function in them in ways that do not overwhelm but still deeply satisfy. (I am still hoping for a book sometime, no pressure.)
And yeah, that’s an AWESOME green jumpsuit. Wow.
Iโm so sorry you are dealing with health issues, and I hope the remaining test will bring good news. Acceptance is indeed not easy, especially when it involves major changes. I think we need to be patient with ourselves.
I got a diagnosis in the fall that I didnโt deam โfairโ as I, too, have lived a very healthy life. Iโm still working on coming to terms with it. I actually became a bit โrebelliousโ for a little while there but am now back to focusing on the positives, being thankful for everything I have and doing everything I can to minimize the effects of the illness.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with these disheartening health problems. Wake up body!! So, so very frustrating.
I hope that Mark Twain quote is very applicable to this season–that the worries don’t come to fruition!
Sweetie, I didn’t know you were wrestling with this, too. Let me offer you the same amount of support that you’ve been giving me lately (huge).
I’m sorry you are having to face obstacles and life-changing limitations. What aids me, psychologically, is to focus on what I *can* still do, not bemoan what I can’t. There are things we can do to feel active and adventurous. For me, they’re riding motorcycles, camping, exploring new cities. I’m sure you have fun activities too. Do them with conscious appreciation of the joy they give you. And remember every day you get out of bed is a gift to savor.
If it helps to talk, e-mail or call me. I want to lift you up.
First off, that’s a fabulous jumpsuit!
I’m so sorry to hear about these health issues. It sounds like you’ve got an excellent doctor and I sincerely hope that your forthcoming test results bring good news.
Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. A woman much wiser than me once said, give pain an inch and it will take a mile. If I’m struggling I never give that pain a voice – I refuse to let it define me.
Much love. xxx
Oh crap! Not my dear Suzanne!! I know how you feel. I was absolutely stunned when I started having health issues. Like you, I was such a โgood girl.โ I took such good care of myself. How could all this illness happen? It sounds like you have the thoughtful doctor that I never had. As I chug along through recovery from my second bout of leukemia I have learned that you can accept illness but you donโt have to give in to it. Also, cute clothes are terrific medicine. Iโm not kidding!!! Your green jumpsuit should come with a prescription! Much love, my dear friend.
so sorry that your health is challenging you!
mine does not play along too – and on some days i hate my body for the pain and the lack of energy. but like you say – bad feelings take us nowere. so i try to overcome the pain, take every help i can get and do the things i love to do as often as i can….. and i avoid to not compete with the younger!
instead i concentrate on the positive things i gained with age – experience, serenity, knowledge of human nature……..
at least i try. on most days i succied. but there are still the ugly days. and maybe we even must accept the ugly days.
the green suit is a stunner on you!
xxxxx
So sorry to hear youโre having a health scare. At least youโre getting proper medical attention and are willing and able to tackle the mental challenges this involves. I hope everything turns out fine, and you get the help you need to recover and adjust to this new situation,
I’m impressed by the advice your doctor has given you regarding acceptance. I know you haven’t had the most positive experiences with the medical profession, but she sounds like she is open to other avenues of healing aside from pharmaceuticals. I’m sorry you are suffering and I hope for the best possible outcome for you. I have struggled to accept the physical limitations that age seems to have thrown at me, and how much more time I have to devote to physical maintenance (stretching, strengthening, etc) just to be relatively pain free.
I need to comment on the jumpsuit – the colour and style suits you so beautifully, are you sure you want to sell it?
I will tell you honestly Suzanne that in this green jumpsuit you look so at ease and beautiful. But I understand that our outside persona doesnโt necessarily match what we feel inside. I hope the test results from the doctor is not an alarming change and that you can deal with the consequences without too much trouble. Indeed, at our age, our health can shift quite quickly.
Like you, I do follow many lifestyle and diet rules that are healthy and helpful. But they have in fact improved my health situation. So I do not feel the discordance that you are struggling with at the moment. My fear mostly stems around having osteoporosis and falling. I will not take the medication that they want to prescribe. And of course there are some life-threatening consequences of my disease. But I no longer fear those things.
What I find the most difficult to deal with is the outside world. The news headlines and the changes that I see in peopleโs attitudes around me. In Manhattan I feel like all of these emotions are magnified and it is not as easy as it might be in a quieter and more gentle place.
I really hope that you are well. I am sure that you will adapt to these new changes in the most positive way possible. Keep fighting the good fight. It certainly appears to me that you are on a winning streak, for the most part.
โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
Elle
https://theellediaries.com/
Gosh, I’m so sorry Suzanne. I can totally understand your frustration when you feel like you’ve done everything you’re supposed to and still these things happen.
You ask how I deal with difficult challenges? Not well. That’s why I read so many blogs and such. I do feel like I’m learning and getting better. But I have that issue with fairness. And life isn’t fair. Which annoys me.
I’ve given up many things that used to upset me. Watching the evening news was one of them. I want to hear more positive stories and uplifting things. There’s enough negativity in the world, without having to hear more. IMO.
Sending huge hugs and love.
XOOX
Jodie
glad that you’re finding your way through acceptance and health issues, glad that your doctor has give you some wise advice, glad that you’re sharing this with us and having so many interesting comments! there’s a lot of thing to be grateful for!
I’ve had to manage my own anxiety after Mr.A. had a cancer. I had to deal with the panic, the treatments and the long recovering process, but then I was ok, probably too busy being strong. And when he was totally recovered, I totally collapsed. But I’m doing it well now!
Having to accept that our lives are not going to be carefree anymore is a hard work. We would like to keep our lives free of any concern about health and all that boring stuff!. But I’ve had to learn that we can still enjoy precious moments of happiness, we have more motives to be happy than we usually think!
besos
(You look gorgeous in your Green jumpsuit, it’s a fab color and you rock in it!)
besos
Sorry to hear that you are coping with health issues , it always seems so unfair when you do all the right things and things still go wrong. Your doctor seems wise and practical , sometimes acceptance is the only way forward. I sincerely hope your results will shine some positive light for you.
Oh my dear Suzanne. Having just experienced a health crisis with my son, I know that there isn’t much anyone can say to alleviate your suffering. Just know that you are in my thoughts. I have never met you and rarely comment on your blog, but you have touched my life querida. Sending tons of love and healing vibes your way. xxoo
Sorry to hear you are having health issues, Suzanne. With your positive and get up and go attitude I’m sure you will accept the outcome and move forward. I am hoping for the best possible outcome for you. Your doctor sounds like the perfect doctor!
I love the green jumpsuit and you look gorgeous in it.
Oh dear Suzanne, I’m so sorry to read that you have health problems. Of course I hope that the tests will be good for you. And you can ask yourself how your body would be if you hadn’t take such good care of it as you have done! Good luck dear.
So sorry to hear that you are experiencing worrying health issues. It’s even more frustrating when you know that you have been putting the effort in with your lifestyle choices. I firmly believe that there is a strong connection between mind and body and am impressed that your doctor thinks so too.
I hope you have some better news soon and that you can stay positive xxx
I m very sorry to hear this Suzanne. No idea what is wrong with you, but it isn’t funny by the sound of it.
I have no idea how to cope really. You just do? After a while you get used it it and it becomes your new truth?
Wishing you wisdom and strength.
Greetje
Our brains have such a time lag don’t they? But they do eventually adapt, so I’m told.
As others hve said, it seems all wrong when we’ve been doing all the “right” things and yet we still have problems. We might as well have been naughty!
This is a normal reaction I’m sure as we come to terms with it all.
It really is a little death. We are grieving our old body (or our young body, you know what I mean!) It really starts to hit us around menopause, that our bodies are going to change and not in a good way.
And yet previous generations have been through it without major societal collapse, so maybe we can too.
I’m aware that sharing online can instigate a flood of unwanted advice and this might be part of it. Please know I really just want to support you and say, I get it! Aging and illness sucks! And yet, as Ally says, we can still focus on what we can do. There is always someone worse off etc. etc.
Many warm hugs my dear, and keep us posted!
xo Jazzy Jack
I’m so sorry you’re going through health issues right now. It sounds like your doctor has given you some good advice and you need to not get discouraged when something new comes up. Easier said than done :/ My daughter (she’ll be 40 this year) was diagnosed with MS about 7 years ago. She went through the full range of emotions but ended up with the, “I’m gonna kick it’s @$$”. She has very few issues though she stopped taking the medications the doctors were trying on her. She’s a pescatarian and exercises but her main outlet is through drawing (if you visit my blog, my main page heading was done by her), which isn’t always easy because that’s the main area that has been affected by the MS for a few years now. I think much of her success has definitely been her mental outlook and that’s so important. You have to find that happy place (meditation would be an awesome starting point) and then just practice letting things roll off your back. I was at the point where I’d be awake at night – not so much worrying but “thinking things through”. Know what I did to battle that? I now take 1/2 an antihistamine before going to bed and nothing much keeps me from going right back to sleep if I do wake up. You’ll find your balance, sweetie, and I know you’re already on the right path. Writing is a good place to go, too….. not necessarily on a blog unless you really want to share it, but write things that bother you down in a journal. I think that helps release things. Chin up – you’re doing great!
Ruth
http://www.voguefauxreal.com
I miss your voice Suzanne.
I also miss your call to live more mindfully and sustainably, your intriguing questions, your joyful smile and your uniquely retro-chic style.
I assume your resting, restoring and regrouping.
I just wanted you to know that you’ve impacted my life and I miss you.
Thanks for your kindness Jude.
It really made my day.
I have been doing all those things you mentioned and reassessing as one does when new challenges appear.
Thanks again. It touched my heart.
(((( Jude )))))