3 Brilliant Conversation Starting Questions
Quite a few bloggers come across as extraverts online however they are introverts and socially shy in real life.
I was painfully shy until I was about ten years old.
I remember panicking in elementary school when we would go up and down the rows sharing our answers with the class by reading them out loud. I would calculate how many more people I had in front of me before it would be my time to speak. As my turn approached a spinning ball of terror would begin churning in my stomach. Wishfully glancing at the clock, I prayed silently that the recess bell would save me from my doom.
It never happened.
I was dizzy with anxiety when my turn arrived. My throat was sand dry and when I tried to speak, all that would tumble out was a timid squeak.
Speak up Suzanne!” Mr. Neddlecove would say.
The red heat would shoot up from my chest, washing over my face, racing upwards until I could feel the follicles on the very top of my scalp prickling and burning with fear. My face would have been deep scarlet by now and I would be shaking uncontrollably. I was scared to open my mouth again, worried that the turmoil in my stomach would violently push upwards and explode Pop-Tart all over the back of boy’s head sitting in front of me.
That was grade three.
Yikes. I’m glad I made it through that nightmare. Don’t even get me started on gym class. Years of therapy will never heal that mess.
I would not consider myself an introvert now but social events or parties can sometimes still rattle me and make me feel like I’m a kid back in Mr. Neddlecove’s class.
Attending events solo makes me feel awkward and ridiculous. It’s clear that I don’t belong and it’s obvious that everyone else already knows this. I think they call this “imposter syndrome”.
I haven’t mastered the art of casually walking up to someone to start a conversation.
I can’t be the only one that despises the obvious, “What do you do for a living?” opener.
I often lead by introducing myself and then asking their name. The typical, “How do you know so-and-so?” is my go-to but that dies out pretty quickly. Then I’m left wondering how to gracefully move away from the person without making them feel like they’re dead boring and I’d rather be home binging Netflix and cuddling my pug.
Here are 3 great conversation starting questions that I want to try out at my next social event.
What’s the most important thing I should know about you?
What do you do for fun?
What’s the best thing that happened to you this year?
What’s the most important thing I’d like to share about me?
I’m an artistic and creative person, an environmentalist and animal lover with a passion for vintage and used clothing.
What’s the most important thing I should know about you?
Linking up with Visible Monday, Turning Heads Tuesday, Fancy Friday, and Spy Girl
What great conversation starters, Suzanne! I know that feeling of terror being put on the spot from third grade. It’s horrible! I am still an introvert in that I recharge by spending time alone but I love being with people, so I prepare for it ahead of time, knowing that I’ll need some downtime after. Having some go-to questions like those you shared is great advice for introverts or extroverts–anyone who struggles to get a conversation going (and that seems to be most people)!
My experience of people is that most are as nervous as I am in any situation. They’re also typically as curious as I am about the others there. We are, after all, social animals. But pretty much all of us also feel imposter syndrome. One way to take the power away from that feeling is to admit it out loud. It doesn’t have to be “I feel like an imposter,” but maybe, “I can’t seem to shake my nerves tonight.” Admitting discomfort relieves the tension and makes a person more relatable.
Love your Anthro dress! You look like the life of any party in it! 💕
Hugs,
Sherry
http://www.petiteover40.com
These are good suggestions. Oh the agony of small-talk! I most often do the British thing and mumble about the weather and public transport. Boring, but safe. x
In Los Angeles we can always talk about our commute! Haha.
Oh yes. I am envious that you got to have Pop Tarts for breakfast!! But seriously, I suffered horribly from this too. Terribly. My glasses even fogged up once with the heat of my embarrassment! But put me on a stage or ask me to perform, and I’d turn ON because there were no rules there. I’m better than I used to be in social situations as more rules break down, but I still need recovery time afterwards.
I was very shy as a child, although I found it easier to talk to adults than others my own age. I’ve always enjoyed my own company (often more than that of other people) but I can be an extrovert in certain situations if it involves something I’m passionate about (like vintage clothing). Otherwise, I generally prefer the company of people in one’s or two’s instead of groups.
Those are good ice-breaker questions, much more interesting than “what do you do for a living” which can result in a brief, go-nowhere conversation unless they are a private detective or a lion tamer.
i was extremely shy right into my mid 20s!
but big city berlin and working – better: living – in an artsy, glam environment urged me to go over this.
if i encounter someone on an event who needs to much encouragment for a little bit small talk – i just give up and look out for more interesting conversation. yes – i´m a snob ;-P
xxxx
See?? Having the right opener can start a huge conversation. While I’m not that shy, I’m definitely an introvert who has learned to listen well to others!!
When I met Rob at 8 minute dating…my question to all the guys was “have you ever worn a skirt?” Because if they said yes, there was usually a good story to go along with it. (and Rob said no…ha ha)
OXOX
Jodie
Ha! Good one! What would it be for the ladies? “Have you ever worn a cup?”
I wasn’t shy of speaking out in class as a child and as a lecturer in adulthood for many years; lecturing to large classes (some 100+) ; I don’t have any fears about speaking in public. BUT I hate being in social situations on my own as you described. Your questions are great conversation starters!
Loving your Anthropologie dress – it’s gorgeous on you.
Love the dress and your suggestions for a conversation starter!
I was chronically shy when I was younger, I’m still terrified of talking on the phone and will get out of calling people (even lifelong friends) if I can.
I meet the vast majority of new people when I’m working so talking about vintage clothes is the ultimate icebreaker along with discussing what bands we love when I’m at a music festival. After a few drinks I’ve been known to wander up to random people and ask them who the person is that they’d most like to see play James Bond when Daniel Craig steps down.
Most people I meet make the assumption that I’m a tree-hugging vegetarian hippy who practices yoga and they’re spot on! xxx
My conversational problem (still) is that I get too nerdy and excited about the things that make me tick and people get that look in their eye and exit as quickly as possible. So I’m left standing there, awkwardly alone. (Though I did manage to experience the other end of that recently at an art fair. He was going on about the specifics of the LA freeways. I was stuck in my booth and had to stay put. I DID retain one fact, with I won’t bore you with because it means nothing).
And, like Melanie, put me in a classroom and I’ll get all extroverty. Because it’s not ME. It’s Teacher Me.
Ha, I already missed you! I hate crowded everyday where you have to talk to strangers, I hate net working! But I always ask the other one how they are doing. And most of the time, because people like to talk about themselves, they start rambling along!
You could have been talking about me, only my chronic shyness went well beyond ten years of age. I’m still not a very confident person, by time has taught me to be less afraid and take a step towards change once in a while, because change is something I’m not very good with either. I have only recently found out that I’m hypersensitive, which makes me see all my foibles in perspective, including the shyness and the fear of change. It’s like a puzzle that’s finally been completed. Going to an event on my own is a challenge which I try to avoid each and every time. When I’m meeting someone for coffee, I’ll make sure the other person is there before me, so that I don’t have to sit at a table on my own. I could go on. And there you have it, one of the most important things you should know about me. Besides the fact that I love vintage clothing, nature, reading, writing and photography. xxx P.S. That dress you’re wearing is sensational!
As you know, I am rather the opposite. I open my mouth before my brain realizes what I am doing haha.
But I like your opening sentences. Always useful.
Greetje
Good questions. I use a variation of your second one — I ask people what their favorite hobbies are. They never have trouble answering and the responses are revealing.
Those are very good conversation starters! My hubby says I can talk to anyone. I get that from my mom. She will walk out of a ladies restroom at a rest stop after a full conversation with a stranger! We laugh but she has skills! It depends on the situation with me though. I don’t like talking in big groups and used to hate gym class too!
So true, I think the What do you do question is so common and it sometimes doesn’t tell you all that much about the person. I like your questions!
You should know this about me- If I wanted to start a business, it would involve dogs. I love and always have loved our furry friends and think about doing something with them in the future.
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
I’m more interested in deeper, revealing, conversations as I grow older. Topics usually spring from the moment were living in.
I love learning about the people I meet and I find that inquiries about peoples lives that are addressed with genuine interest are usually answered with enthusiasm!