There have been some self esteem issues floating about the 40+ blogging community as of late.
It happens to the best of us. Sometimes things aren’t going our way and then suddenly it is a landslide of self doubt and esteem issues.
Sue and Samantha wrote about this recently.
Mourning The Loss Of Youth
We wake up and look in the mirror and wonder who the heck it is staring back at us. When did she get here? Who let her into my body?
We wonder how its possible to look exhausted when we just got out of bed, how an age spot pops up overnight like a mushroom and why the pillowcase now leaves dents in our face that take half the day to go away.
Don’t even get me started on body issues. Those go on forever!
Personally I’d just like my twenty year old vagina back thank-you-very-much. No questions asked. I’ll even put up with the extra padding around the belly, saggy arms and neck if that one other item could be blissfully reset.
I lament the loss of my youth like everyone but when it gets me down I step back and allow myself some perspective.
We are mourning the loss of youth and what we had while failing to recognize what we still have.
As long as we still have our health and those we love we have everything we need.
When we look back on photos of ourselves 5-10 years from now we will wonder what the heck we were complaining about.
We will never look as good as we do now.
It is all relative.
What we have today we will eventually lose.
We need to enjoy and cherish what we have.
Life is the one true miracle in this universe.
Miracles aren’t meant to be wasted on worries, regrets and living in the past. Miracles are meant to be celebrated and enjoyed.
Your life is a miracle.
Your body is a miracle.
Appreciate that you have the ability to function on your own.
Thank your body daily. It is your one true temple despite the growing aches, pains, wrinkles and weight. It has taken you through your life up until this moment.
Be grateful.
Aging is inevitable if we are lucky. Our attitude towards aging plays a large part in our happiness as we grow older.
Every day we are one day closer to death. Lets make our moments count and not waste our mental energy on superficial worries.
Live in the moment. Love your body. Be thankful.
This post is dedicated to Rena of Fine Whatever.
Linking up with Patti over at Visible Monday.
Oh yes, this: “Life is the one true miracle in this universe.” What a great post, that resonates in every part of me. Every 62 year-old part of me. I’m working on being more thankful for all the high-functioning parts, and not dwelling on the sags and spots. We all get them if we’re lucky. Thanks for all this. xox
-Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com
Such sage advice. As you know, I need to hear it at this moment.
Looking at your pics gives me a thrill — I know that spot! I know those pants! I know those water-lilies! It was really satisfying to have a closer look at your life; now when I view your pictures, I connect even more to them.
Ha ha! Yep…you posed at the fence.
Face dents from pillowcases, yep. Heh. I should invent a pillow that leaves dents in my face that make it look younger when I wake up. Gimmicks, yep. There are lots of those around too.
Sounds words, Suzanne. I’ll look back at photos from these days and go, sheesh, good times! I’m adapting to the changes but they certainly can throw me for a loop. Carts, reading glasses, loupes, fans… So many more accessories that I couldn’t imagine in my younger years, right when you’re supposed to think about downsizing. Pffft. But I appreciate the chance to use them at all! xo
Yes, it seems that the number of items required to simple tasks has increased over the years.
What I really need is a brain tracker. That way when I think of something and go downstairs to get it I don’t totally forget what I went for and start on something new. The brain tracker would keep me on track.
Wonderful post Suzanne! Thank you for the reminder to live in the moment and enjoy each and every day!
xx
Suzanne
http://www.AskSuzanneBell.com
Thanks Suzanne : )
I wonder if ageing is partly scary because it’s unknown? Perhaps the more we talk about ageing and see naturally ageing faces and bodies, the more we’ll learn to embrace it and not fear it. X
I think most of us fear losing our health and having a difficult time managing old age. That is certainly a large part of what I fear.
Of course the unknown scares us. We always imagine the worst.
I guess we have all been there, although I must add that in spite of the extra padding and wrinkles, I’ve never felt as happy in my skin as these last couple of years. I’ve grown more confident and less self conscious, meaning I’m finally able to wear what I look and not care what other people think. I’m certainly not mourning my younger body, as I don’t like what I see in old photos of me. I so recognize the dents from pillow cases, though. I never even clocked that it was because of my age that they were taking longer to disappear! A lovely post, which made me nod in agreement and smile at the same time. xxx
That is wonderful you are feeling so at home in your own skin. How liberating!
The internet managed to eat my first attempt at a comment, so I shall try again…
This post reminds us to try to focus on the positive, and not ignore the negative, but to not let it colour our view of our lives as we grow older. The harsh reality is that we age, or we die.
There have been some unsettling and painful changes in my body in the past decade (I would appreciate having my 40 year old vagina back, thank you very much, and my waist too) but I have also become emotionally stronger, stable and more resilient, and as Ann mentioned, more comfortable in my skin. Do these outweigh the physical changes? Not necessarily, but they help me cope with them better.
This is why it is important for those of us over 50 to keep putting ourselves out there in the world and generate conversations about ageing and ageism to show that one can be no longer “young”, but still creative, stylish, fit, productive, and visibly engaged with the world
I agree with everything you wrote Shelley!
I too find the physical health changes can be very challenging but having a positive attitude goes a long way.
What a wonderfully uplifting post – and fabulously demonstrated by you in your rock star shades and crazy printed top.
I’m with Ann, I didn’t much care for my younger self but once I hit 40, had a hip replacement, dyed my hair black and ditched paid employment I felt like I’d been reborn – so technically I’m only 10 years into the new me, a mere babe in arms!
I’m not sure if I’ve noticed any changes – I had accepted that losing my waist was an inevitable sign of ageing but after reevaluating the diet and cutting out the crap my body now looks pretty much the same as it was in my 30s except for the 11 inch scar on my left thigh and the DD boobs (where on earth did they come from??)
Shelley’s dead right, by getting ourselves out there and proving that the number on our birth certificate doesn’t stop us doing and wearing what the hell we like. xxx
I love that you consider yourself reborn!
Your diet trick didn’t work for me. I tried it for two weeks with zero results.
I resorted to fasting for 16 hours a day and managed to lose some of the weight but I can’t say I’m big on the whole fasting and I think I’d have to keep that up for the rest of my life to keep the weight off. Not ideal. I have my fingers crossed I will eventually be able to workout and run again which is a big help for the weight. This back/neck issue is dragging on forever.
Apparently everyone says their boobs grow larger as they age. No one told me this! In fact someone needs to write an honest account of what really happens to our bodies when we age.
What a great post Suzanne and thank you so much for the mention.
I looked at Sue’s post and was surprised to see we published those at the same time!
There must have been something in the air.
I look at myself 5 years ago and think I look SO young…hahahaha…. that will be the same for now, 5 years in the future.
We will never be as young again as we are today, so your wise words ring true.
I try to appreciate my healthy body as it is.
Not that we ever really know whats going on inside us…. a recent (shocking) family illness brought that home with a bang.
I just take each day as it comes.
XXX
Samantha
One good thing is being on the same wave length as you two ladies!
Love that outfit Suzanne. You look fabulous in those pants.
I still think that as much as we try to stay positive… there are days when, as one reader of my “angsty” post said… “we need to just hunker down with a good book until the feeling passes.” And it always passes, for me at least.
Thanks for the mention:)
Ha ha! And see? I rarely wear pants because I think they don’t look good on me.
I think my mindset changed when I had a sudden severe illness four years ago followed by emergency surgery which in turn wrecked my body and made everything worse. More surgery was advised to repair the last surgery that went horribly wrong.
Whenever I think I’m not looking good or have some self esteem issues I conjure up the nightmare of the hospital and that period in my life. Those memories are never far from my mind. I remember vividly looking at myself in the mirror and wondering if I would get through it. It reminds me very quickly what is truly important in life.
I agree that our health is the most precious thing. I learned that lesson the hard way about 4 years ago. My husband also had a kidney cancer scare the same year I had my illness. It was a huge wake-up call for both of us.
This is a great post Suzanne and relevant to us all. Wouldn’t it be great to zip back through time and give our younger selves a big shake and say “Girl, you look wonderful! You’re unique, special and you are just as you’re meant to be, so stop griping and get out there and enjoy yourself!”
I can remember once refusing to go out for the evening as I had decided my thighs looked huge and nothing or no-one would have persuaded me otherwise. I was all of 22 and my thighs were a damned sight slimmer than they are now. We hold ourselves back from life for all sorts of crazy reasons and it’s such a shame, a real waste of time.
With a big birthday on the horizon I’m increasingly aware of my mortality and this is suddenly acting as a fuel for me to get over myself. I could so easily go back through my blog (of only two short years) and compare how I looked then and what’s already changed/aged/deteriorated, but heck what good would that do. I’m hugely competitive and mainly with myself and that’s something I work on every day as I know it spoils my love for life.
Youth is wasted on the young – I don’t know who first said that, but they were so right! Let’s live, love and enjoy ourselves, for tomorrow we may dead!
Anna x
I honestly always had loads of self confidence no matter my age but I used to HATE getting my photos taken. I’d criticize myself in photos so for years I just avoided the camera. Now I regret that I don’t have photos for about 10 years in my life.
I say that “Youth is wasted on the young” daily! Haha! I can remember not understanding what that meant when my Grandma used to say that to me. Now I understand oh too well!
Now I like the mantra, “Live every day like you are dying, because in reality, you are.”
Wise words and a great attitude, and a perfect dash of humor , about our lady parts. Aging is for sure a process , one in which we lose and which we gain. I look good for my age, I admit it, but I do see some unwelcome changes…. still, I am happy now, and that counts for everything. Keeping my autoimmune disease in check keeps my priories in place, most of the time.
Love reading these responses too, what a great community you have built: a true and enviable accomplishment !
And if I may say it, you look fabulous.
Xo, Elle
http://www.theellediaries.com/blog/2017/7/electic-eclectic-city-style-in-red
I appreciate someone that also lives with an autoimmune disease and copes to the best of their abilities.
You always look like you manage to squeeze lots out of our your life which is what counts.
Added bonus…you look amazing while doing it!
Thanks…I needed that!!
http://styleforlessvegas.wordpress.com
Amen sista! As always, I love your wit and your ability to get to the core of the subject with humour and positivity! I am now looking at my belly with a lot more love than five minutes ago! THANK YOU!
Your post says it all…oh, and the comments are all pretty brilliant too.
Thanks Sue! : )
Agree, Suzanne. Your body and life are definitely a miracle and it’s so easy to forget that when caught up in the day to day responsibilities of living.
And as far as loss of youth, my fav quote on getting older says it all, “Age is an issue of mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Mark Twain.
I don’t consciously think of my real age most times. And when I do I find it surprising that I’m the age I am because I don’t feel older. I’m still as active and silly as I was when I was much younger, except now I have more common sense. At least I like to think I do!
Though I’ve got more drooping going on and various dings and dents, I prefer to think of these as marks of experience or evidence of a life well lived . And at this point I value my health way more anyway.
In the last several years I’ve lost many friends and family members who were my age or younger. These tragedies have made me cherish my time, which I used to take for granted. Now I make a point to focus more on living in the moment, being better at saying no and doing as many fun things as possible!
Theresa
https://www.vintagestylefiles.com
I agree that nothing puts life into perspective faster than losing someone you love or becoming seriously ill.
My Dad is about to turn 74 and told me yesterday he feels 46 so really it isn’t a problem. This is from someone that had 3 different kinds of cancer in the past few years. Perspective and a positive attitude really are key.
Totally agree. Your Dad’s a real trooper. You are fortunate to have such a great role model for encouraging positive thinking 🙂
It’s so true that we look back and see it from a different perspective!!
That’s why I’m trying not to focus on the negative and “bad” things!! Heck, I’m alive and I usually feel good!!
And tonight there is ice cream cake in my future—ya hoo!!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Mmmm…ice cream cake!
When are you going to become that magazine columnist? Well said indeed!!! A positive outlook on life (on a daily basis) makes all the difference no matter your stage in life.
I’m laughing! The pillow creases! I alway say it takes half the day for my face to wake up! This is such an uplifting post Suzanne. Your right. we should cherish what we have now. It amazes me that all the younger women are having false everything, including lips. I would rather look old than look plastic.
http://www.vanityandmestyle.com
It is true that women that are far too young are having loads of work done. They will never be able to maintain that level of perfection as they grow older.
So true! I look at photos from 10 years ago when I didn’t feel I looked my best and all I see now is a beautiful young(ish) woman… And I know at the time all I could do is focus on my flaws… It’s really a shame.
I love your outfit & those super cool sunglasses!
I bought those sunglasses on a whim when I was in Hong Kong : P. It’s the first time I wore them.
Hah!! You are so right. I say Amen.
Greetje
Ahhh…I couldn’t agree with you more. What I wouldn’t give for my twenty year old vagina! And I ain’t kiddin’. You also right in regard to remembering that it’s all in the perspective. Today truly is as good as it gets, and many times I have told myself in the mirror that I’ll never be younger or look better than I do today.
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
I would have liked to have been told about what to expect in the vagina department. It’s like it is this massive hidden secret and we suffer in silence thinking it is just us. I really think there is so much out there for men and no information for women.
I’m so guilty of picking apart every flaw I see in the mirror. I’ve always felt ageing was a good thing – because the alternative isn’t! But I definitely need a reminder sometimes – thanks for this one today!
I love reading the honest thoughts of other women who have wisdom, humor, and hope for living life to the best of their ability with as much zest as they can for each new day. The reality that there are no guarantees about tomorrow requires mindfully savoring each moment. It’s an honor to share a little corner of life with all of you! You enrich my experience of this life.
Suzanne, you have a sweet and tender heart to dedicate this post to our friend Rena. I’m so happy and grateful to have met you both!
I’m so glad you took that risk to come out and meet us at the blogger meet-up. Adventure keeps us young at heart.
such a fabulous post, and you’re right: We will never look as good as we do now!, so let’s enjoy this miracle!
(And you look gorgeous, I love your printed top and those gingham pants!)
besos
You made me smile, Suzanne – I agree, it’s all relative and in 10 years time we’ll think we looked amazingly young in 2017! I sometimes look at photos of me 30 years ago and wonder who the heck the woman with the Afro perm was – and the padded shoulders, OMG that’s not me! Funny, I don’t even notice the lack of wrinkles and lines on my face, just the overall picture. Maybe that’s food for thought when confronted with my reflection from now on. xx